The Meaning of Time

My boyfriend and I used to get into discussions about our future together and whatnot. He always had a specific order that he wanted things done in. I was the one who was always like order-smorder....who cares. Well, we did things my way, out of his order, and it was nothing short of a disaster. In fact, we're still reeling from the aftershocks.

I would tell him that he can have his order, but I have a time-line. I think that he thought I meant an age time-line. What I mean is that I have a set amount of time in which I will be in one stage before I move to the next stage of the relationship. And this will work both ways. For example, I will not be ready to get engaged until I have reached that point on my time-line. However, I will not wait much longer than my point on the time-line to get engaged, either.

Sure, one can look at it like I'm trying to control things, but it's my life. I've made some bad choices in the past, and I've learned from them. Instead of rushing into something and regretting it later, or waiting too long and regretting it, I'm doing what works for me.

They say that in matters of love you need to listen to your heart. Society tells us we shouldn't listen to our heart, we should listen to our head and our friends and our family and everyone else BUT our heart. I believe that matters of the heart involve the heart, and what best to listen to than your heart. I know in my heart that I love this man and want to marry him. I've felt this for almost a year. In all this time, that has never waivered. Even when we were at our lowest point, I still knew that we are meant to be together for the rest of our lives.

My heart is telling me something and I still have a time-line and he has an order. Leaving him would be one of the hardest things I've ever done, but if he doesn't feel the way I feel, no time-line or order will change that.