Destination....unknown

It's been a hectic and trying couple of months to say the least. I feel like I'm being pulled from all different directions. So many people think they know what's best for me, and only two people in my life aren't telling me what I should be doing. They're telling me that it's ok not to make a decision right now. They're telling me that whatever I decide, they still love me and are not going to judge me.

Last night I was fed up. I realized that there was no way I could make a rational decision because I was full of emotion. I was sick of the circus that one aspect of my life had become, and I had had enough. I decided to take some time for me. And that's what I'm doing. I don't owe anyone anything. I'm not going to let other people's opinions dictate my decisions and the way that I live my life.

This morning I woke up feeling like I wanted to take a mini-vacation, something that I like to do every so often. I could have very easily gone away alone. I chose to invite the man I love to go along with me. When I initially asked him, I had no destination in mind. All I knew was I was going away this weekend if I had to jump in the car and drive until I was tired. He was all for it. He felt, as I do, that the destination really doesn't matter, as long as we're together we can have a great time.

At the time of this writing, I have a destination and a resort in mind, simply because I'm going to spoil myself (and Rand since he's coming along) and splurge on an outrageously priced suite. But that's all that I'm planning for. Who knows what this weekend holds. And who really cares. I'm tired of reacting to everyone around me. I'm tired of letting my actions be based on everyone else's actions and opinions and words. I'm tired of planning for the future, regretting the past and missing my present. It's time to be real, and that starts with me.

On a side note, if you want to read more about reactions and being real, here are some links: here, here and here.