A true test of my lessons.....

I was laying in bed last night, struggling to respond with love to some text messages full of anger and hate. I continued to respond with love, until I felt myself growing angry and wanting to lash out, so I said goodnight, I love you and I’m not doing this anymore. I’ve said several times before that I’m on a journey seeking love. I’ve said that if you give love then you will receive it. I’ve come to realize that just because you are seeking love does not mean that your feelings of anger or hurt will magically disappear. You won’t see things through rose colored glasses. You will still want to say angry words. You will still want to hurt back because you are being hurt. But if you are truly seeking love, if you truly believe that if you give love then you will receive love, then your actions will show that. No one is perfect. There are times when I have spoken too quickly words that were not loving. But last night, as I was being verbally attacked, as my heart was breaking yet again by the hate that was being spewed out of this person’s mouth, I made a conscious choice to respond with love. When I found that it was becoming increasingly difficult to do so, I stopped the contact.

That’s what it’s all about. It’s how you respond to things. I could have been angry and bitter to this person in return. It wouldn’t have affected them because they already feel hatred towards me. It would have only served to affirm their opinion of me. The person it would have harmed would have been myself. I would have been angry with myself. I would have been disappointed in myself. No matter what this person believes to be true of me or not, I know what’s true. I don’t have to prove myself to this person. I know I have love. I know my intentions are pure. If this person wants to continue to think the worst of me, that is their right to do so. I will simply continue to do what I’ve been doing all along….to give love to myself and to others.

If you give love, you will receive love.