I'm taking a break

I'm not going to be blogging on this for awhile. I need a break. The hardest thing to do is to live a life full of love and forgiveness when the one who taught you how to be that isn't living it himself. I am so tired of people telling me that I shouldn't do this or I shouldn't do that or that I'm a hypocrite or that I shouldn't forgive him or this or that. I live my life according to my beliefs and principles and I am not ashamed. And if that means that I forgive him every time he says a cruel word to me then so be it. If that means that I will continue to be in love with him then so be it. But for the first time I am shifting my focus of my love inward. See, it was never a matter of not loving myself because I have always loved myself. I just loved him first, before myself, and that is why I took so much of what I've gone through. But finally, finally I am going to love myself first. That doesn't mean that I love him any less or that I'm giving up hope. It simply means that I am putting myself first, my peace of mind first, healing my heart first. And if that means that I have to change my phone number to do so, then I will. And if that means that I won't open his emails, then I will. And if that means that I have to be alone for the next 30 years until he decides that he wants me, then I will. But whatever it is, no matter how long it takes, I will love myself first above anyone else. I will live a life full of love and forgiveness and my actions will meet my words.

But still, for now, I'm taking a break. This website is dedicated to him because I am his angel. And right now I need my peace. So I will still write, just not on here.