It's all about me, yes, it really is!

I've spent the majority of my adult life taking care of others and worrying about everyone else...all the while putting my wants and needs on the back burner. As a mother, of course my children will be taken care of. That should go without saying. But what about the other relationships? Did I really have to make other people happy at the expense of my own happiness?

Take for example a friendship that I retained for the past 16 years, a friendship that I had long since outgrown. The fact is, I'm not the same person that I was in high school. I have different thoughts, different ideas, different values, different goals. I'm an adult. I have responsibilities. I prefer to live my life drama free. I'm a mom. I'm dedicated to my career. I retained a friendship with a woman who I have nothing in common with except the fact that we were best friends in high school. Every conversation we had involved her telling me about all of her problems, her telling me how her life sucks, her telling me how she doesn't have the money for this or for that, yet she would be drunk while speaking to me in the middle of the day...and unemployed. I finally had to wake up and realize that her drama was bringing me down. I had to walk away. She left me a message yesterday telling me that she had to tell me what happened and would I please call her back. I had to resist the urge to call her back, of course I want to be the empathetic person who is there for her friends. Instead, I sent her a text message asking her not to call me anymore, she's not the only person with problems, and frankly I didn't care to listen to her drama anymore.

Another example of me settling for the sake of another's happiness happened in a relationship I was once involved in. This man and I had a lot in common, but they were all surface things. Nothing that we had in common was anything to build a lifetime upon. We got along pretty well, when we weren't fighting that is ha ha. No, we really did get along. We had a lot of fun together, too. But when we would fight, they were horrible fights. Finally one night I was clearheaded enough to realize that the things we were fighting about all boiled down to the same thing...he and I had different values, and neither of us was willing to bend. For a long time I felt like I was settling because I would try to overlook the things that he did (or wanted to do) that went against what I felt was right. It never worked because I wasn't being true to myself. Once I realized this, of course that made it a lot easier to move on.

Lately I've been doing a lot of things for myself, and myself alone. I quit smoking. I started my 401(k). I've been paying down and paying off my credit cards. I've been cooking more. I've been having fun in ways that I want to have fun, and not just doing things because the person or people I'm with want to do them. I'm contributing more to my savings account. I'm taking the kids on vacation next month. I'm eating better. I joined a gym. I'm a much happier person because I've been taking care of me. And you know what? My kids are happier too because they see how happy I am.

When I start to feel that old guilty feeling because I'm not doing what someone wants me to do...I'm going to remind myself that my life is all about me.