The Church strikes again

It’s no secret that I’ve been disenchanted with the Church for quite some time now. There was a point during this past year that I wasn’t even sure if I believed in God anymore. After a lot of soul searching, I finally figured out just what it is that I believe in….and what I don’t. Because I feel (very strongly) that every one is entitled to believe (or disbelieve) in what they wish, be it the bible or science or a pop can, I basically refrain from initiating any sort of religious discussion. But sometimes I hear something that REALLY pisses me off, and I have to state just how ridiculous the whole idea of the Church really is.

I have a friend who is really involved in her church. She teaches, she works with the kids, she’s on this committee and on that committee. Basically, her whole life outside of her career revolves around her church. My girlfriend was in a very unique marriage and stayed married to a man for about 3 years too long. I won’t go into the details to protect her privacy, but I will say that her faith in God and believing what the bible has taught her kept her in a marriage that left her feeling, well, alone.

My girlfriend filed for divorce a few weeks ago. Let’s just say that her “church family” isn’t taking it very well. From experience I can tell you that no matter who wants the divorce, the mere act of getting divorced (or ending a long-term relationship) is a very emotional experience. Your whole life gets turned upside down, you’re an emotional wreck, and there are times when you don’t know which way is up. Do you think her “church family” is helping her through this time? No. Of course not. Do you know what she’s getting? Text messages from her so-called friends quoting scripture of how wrong she is. Emails from people who she was once very close to, judging her. The pastor wanting to have a meeting with her. People leaving comments on her Myspace and her Facebook belittling her for her decision. It makes me sick.

She and I had lunch today and she asked what she should do. I can’t make her decision for her. All I can do is share my own experience with the Church and be here to support in her time of need. So what did I tell her?

I told her the story of what happened when the Church found out that I was pregnant with my son before my ex-husband and I were married. I remember very vividly getting into a screaming match with the deacon because he told me that I hadn’t properly repented (for my sin of getting pregnant with my pride and joy). Well, I basically told him to go f*** himself because the only ones I have to answer to is God, myself and eventually my son when he is old enough to do the math (although to be honest I think that by the time that happens it won’t be such a big deal in society’s eyes).

I told her the story of how my ex-husband received a letter in the mail from the Church telling him that they were revoking his membership and, while he could continue to tithe and give his offering to the Church, he wasn’t allowed to have his name on their membership roster anymore.

I told her the story of how I used to be a youth leader in my old church. I related how I was very active in Sunday School, mission work, youth work, choir, etc. I then told her how once I got divorced all of my church friends shunned me and how eventually I simply stopped going to church.

I told her how I don’t need a book that was written by a bunch of men back in the day for the sole purpose of controlling people, especially women, to tell me the difference between right and wrong. I told her how I don’t want to be a part of a group that looks their nose down if you aren’t like them, but many of that same group is involved in some pretty deviant “sin”. I told her that I’m the hardest on myself and I don’t need to get all dressed up once a week and have a competition with other people to see who is the bigger martyr. I told her how instead of running my mouth and quoting scripture that has a bunch of thees and thous in it, I’d rather live as example. I told her that the God that I believe in isn’t a god who promotes rape or stealing or judgment or condemning those who don’t follow him to an eternity of fire.

The thing is, I understand how she feels. Your world falls apart and you think you can lean on those who say they “love” you, and then they turn their back on you. You begin to question everything that you’ve been taught, everything that you thought was true. You begin to doubt yourself because if you were so wrong about your church family, what else were you wrong about?

There are times, like today, when I get really angry at these people. And then there are days when I pity them because they believe so strongly in what they preach that they don’t even see the inconsistencies in the nonsense that they spew. They can’t see just how the very words that they say is in direct contradiction to some of the things that Jesus himself said (according to the bible). So is it any wonder that anyone with a brain who stops to think about this gets confused?

As far as my girlfriend goes, it’ll be a rough road for her. Finding out who your true friends are is something that usually happens when you’re already down. But she’s intelligent. She’ll figure it out. I just feel sorry for those who aren’t so smart.