It’s no secret that I’ve been disenchanted with the Church for quite some time now. There was a point during this past year that I wasn’t even sure if I believed in God anymore. After a lot of soul searching, I finally figured out just what it is that I believe in….and what I don’t. Because I feel (very strongly) that every one is entitled to believe (or disbelieve) in what they wish, be it the bible or science or a pop can, I basically refrain from initiating any sort of religious discussion. But sometimes I hear something that REALLY pisses me off, and I have to state just how ridiculous the whole idea of the Church really is.
I have a friend who is really involved in her church. She teaches, she works with the kids, she’s on this committee and on that committee. Basically, her whole life outside of her career revolves around her church. My girlfriend was in a very unique marriage and stayed married to a man for about 3 years too long. I won’t go into the details to protect her privacy, but I will say that her faith in God and believing what the bible has taught her kept her in a marriage that left her feeling, well, alone.
My girlfriend filed for divorce a few weeks ago. Let’s just say that her “church family” isn’t taking it very well. From experience I can tell you that no matter who wants the divorce, the mere act of getting divorced (or ending a long-term relationship) is a very emotional experience. Your whole life gets turned upside down, you’re an emotional wreck, and there are times when you don’t know which way is up. Do you think her “church family” is helping her through this time? No. Of course not. Do you know what she’s getting? Text messages from her so-called friends quoting scripture of how wrong she is. Emails from people who she was once very close to, judging her. The pastor wanting to have a meeting with her. People leaving comments on her Myspace and her Facebook belittling her for her decision. It makes me sick.
She and I had lunch today and she asked what she should do. I can’t make her decision for her. All I can do is share my own experience with the Church and be here to support in her time of need. So what did I tell her?
I told her the story of what happened when the Church found out that I was pregnant with my son before my ex-husband and I were married. I remember very vividly getting into a screaming match with the deacon because he told me that I hadn’t properly repented (for my sin of getting pregnant with my pride and joy). Well, I basically told him to go f*** himself because the only ones I have to answer to is God, myself and eventually my son when he is old enough to do the math (although to be honest I think that by the time that happens it won’t be such a big deal in society’s eyes).
I told her the story of how my ex-husband received a letter in the mail from the Church telling him that they were revoking his membership and, while he could continue to tithe and give his offering to the Church, he wasn’t allowed to have his name on their membership roster anymore.
I told her the story of how I used to be a youth leader in my old church. I related how I was very active in Sunday School, mission work, youth work, choir, etc. I then told her how once I got divorced all of my church friends shunned me and how eventually I simply stopped going to church.
I told her how I don’t need a book that was written by a bunch of men back in the day for the sole purpose of controlling people, especially women, to tell me the difference between right and wrong. I told her how I don’t want to be a part of a group that looks their nose down if you aren’t like them, but many of that same group is involved in some pretty deviant “sin”. I told her that I’m the hardest on myself and I don’t need to get all dressed up once a week and have a competition with other people to see who is the bigger martyr. I told her how instead of running my mouth and quoting scripture that has a bunch of thees and thous in it, I’d rather live as example. I told her that the God that I believe in isn’t a god who promotes rape or stealing or judgment or condemning those who don’t follow him to an eternity of fire.
The thing is, I understand how she feels. Your world falls apart and you think you can lean on those who say they “love” you, and then they turn their back on you. You begin to question everything that you’ve been taught, everything that you thought was true. You begin to doubt yourself because if you were so wrong about your church family, what else were you wrong about?
There are times, like today, when I get really angry at these people. And then there are days when I pity them because they believe so strongly in what they preach that they don’t even see the inconsistencies in the nonsense that they spew. They can’t see just how the very words that they say is in direct contradiction to some of the things that Jesus himself said (according to the bible). So is it any wonder that anyone with a brain who stops to think about this gets confused?
As far as my girlfriend goes, it’ll be a rough road for her. Finding out who your true friends are is something that usually happens when you’re already down. But she’s intelligent. She’ll figure it out. I just feel sorry for those who aren’t so smart.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
And THIS is why women think men are morons....
I tumbled across this link (13 Facts About Women.....Men Forget) in my Google Reader yesterday...and feel strangely compelled to respond to these somewhat true, mostly ridiculous allegations about women. I shall, of course, make the standard disclaimer here...no, I'm not talking to all men, just the ones who buy into this bullshit. I love men. Men are good. Men are yummy. Men make me hot. Blah blah blah.
1. Full of Sh*t. We are NOT full of shit. Just because you have trouble wrapping your brain around our sense of logic DOES NOT MEAN that we are full of shit. We are so sick of being accused of playing games. We are so sick of being called liars. Just because you feel the need to be logical and unemotional does not mean that you are the all-knowing, all-perfect greater beings of our species.
2. More Complicated Than You. Of course we're more complicated than you are. Do you even know how to multi-task? Do you even think about things other than sex, beer and sports? I mean, I have never heard a man wonder how he is going to juggle a family, hobbies, career and time for himself. No, it's usually the woman who is worrying about how to deal with all that. Yes, I'm definitely a complicated woman. And I'm certainly proud of it.
3. Requires Compliments. We don't require them, but make no mistake many women want to hear them. And really...what's wrong with that? Positive affirmations are a good thing.
4. Believes She Knows More About You Than You Do. I mean...REALLY? It's not that we think we know more about you than you know about yourself. It's that we remember how you used to be when we fell in love with you...and the person we're with now is the freakign polar opposite of that man. So when you're acting like an obtuse asshole and we say things like "oh just stop it...this isn't you", it's because we know that the man we fell in love with wouldn't behave that way.
5. Evil Toward Other Girls. The majority of women are not evil toward other women. Most women have a very strict "code" of NEVER fucking over a female, whether we're friends with them or not. Do we stand up for ourselves and protect what is ours if we feel threatened or wronged? Absolutely. But we do that to anyone, regardless of their gender.
6. Self Conscious About Something. Yes, most of us are usually self-conscious about something. But its hard not to be when the men we are with can't keep their tongue in their mouth or their head from swiveling when they see a woman (usually a very young woman) walk by with her girl parts hanging out. And don't even try to act like men don't have their insecurities as well. They just deal with it differently than women do.
7. Crazy. We are not crazy. We are emotional. If we didn't express our emotions the way we do, well then we'd be called men now wouldn't we.
8. Not Funny. Not funny? Well, I admit I am definitely humor challenged, but who cares. Not every person is good at every thing, and to make a blanket judgment of women are not funny is really, just, not funny.
9. A Star-F**ker. Right. How said for the person that dreamt this one up. There is only one man that I want to have sex with, and while he may not be a movie star, he's (usually) a star in my eyes.
10. A Better Liar. Just because men do dumb stuff that they KNOW their woman would not be happy about and then have to lie about it and then get caught does not mean that women are constantly lying. Women are usually more honest than men, but because men lie so much they automatically think women are doing it.
11. Enjoys Cat Calls. Hardly. While I enjoy having a man give me an appreciative look, having a construction worker stop his truck in the middle of the street so he can talk to me as I'm crossing the street is not only embarrassing, but it's creepy.
12. Constantly Looks For Inner-Meaning. You're right. We do. That's because we're not shallow. And because we care.
13. Uses Sex To Manipulate Men. This is probably the most ridiculous one of them all. News flash. Women enjoy sex. We like it a lot. Really. A LOT. Why in the world would we use sex to manipulate men when it's something that, from my experience, we want more than the man does?
So there you have it. I've refuted and disputed these senseless allegations based on the behavior of a select few women and more than likely written by a man who just got dumped. Agree, disagree, I don't care. It's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.
1. Full of Sh*t. We are NOT full of shit. Just because you have trouble wrapping your brain around our sense of logic DOES NOT MEAN that we are full of shit. We are so sick of being accused of playing games. We are so sick of being called liars. Just because you feel the need to be logical and unemotional does not mean that you are the all-knowing, all-perfect greater beings of our species.
2. More Complicated Than You. Of course we're more complicated than you are. Do you even know how to multi-task? Do you even think about things other than sex, beer and sports? I mean, I have never heard a man wonder how he is going to juggle a family, hobbies, career and time for himself. No, it's usually the woman who is worrying about how to deal with all that. Yes, I'm definitely a complicated woman. And I'm certainly proud of it.
3. Requires Compliments. We don't require them, but make no mistake many women want to hear them. And really...what's wrong with that? Positive affirmations are a good thing.
4. Believes She Knows More About You Than You Do. I mean...REALLY? It's not that we think we know more about you than you know about yourself. It's that we remember how you used to be when we fell in love with you...and the person we're with now is the freakign polar opposite of that man. So when you're acting like an obtuse asshole and we say things like "oh just stop it...this isn't you", it's because we know that the man we fell in love with wouldn't behave that way.
5. Evil Toward Other Girls. The majority of women are not evil toward other women. Most women have a very strict "code" of NEVER fucking over a female, whether we're friends with them or not. Do we stand up for ourselves and protect what is ours if we feel threatened or wronged? Absolutely. But we do that to anyone, regardless of their gender.
6. Self Conscious About Something. Yes, most of us are usually self-conscious about something. But its hard not to be when the men we are with can't keep their tongue in their mouth or their head from swiveling when they see a woman (usually a very young woman) walk by with her girl parts hanging out. And don't even try to act like men don't have their insecurities as well. They just deal with it differently than women do.
7. Crazy. We are not crazy. We are emotional. If we didn't express our emotions the way we do, well then we'd be called men now wouldn't we.
8. Not Funny. Not funny? Well, I admit I am definitely humor challenged, but who cares. Not every person is good at every thing, and to make a blanket judgment of women are not funny is really, just, not funny.
9. A Star-F**ker. Right. How said for the person that dreamt this one up. There is only one man that I want to have sex with, and while he may not be a movie star, he's (usually) a star in my eyes.
10. A Better Liar. Just because men do dumb stuff that they KNOW their woman would not be happy about and then have to lie about it and then get caught does not mean that women are constantly lying. Women are usually more honest than men, but because men lie so much they automatically think women are doing it.
11. Enjoys Cat Calls. Hardly. While I enjoy having a man give me an appreciative look, having a construction worker stop his truck in the middle of the street so he can talk to me as I'm crossing the street is not only embarrassing, but it's creepy.
12. Constantly Looks For Inner-Meaning. You're right. We do. That's because we're not shallow. And because we care.
13. Uses Sex To Manipulate Men. This is probably the most ridiculous one of them all. News flash. Women enjoy sex. We like it a lot. Really. A LOT. Why in the world would we use sex to manipulate men when it's something that, from my experience, we want more than the man does?
So there you have it. I've refuted and disputed these senseless allegations based on the behavior of a select few women and more than likely written by a man who just got dumped. Agree, disagree, I don't care. It's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
It's all about me, yes, it really is!
I've spent the majority of my adult life taking care of others and worrying about everyone else...all the while putting my wants and needs on the back burner. As a mother, of course my children will be taken care of. That should go without saying. But what about the other relationships? Did I really have to make other people happy at the expense of my own happiness?
Take for example a friendship that I retained for the past 16 years, a friendship that I had long since outgrown. The fact is, I'm not the same person that I was in high school. I have different thoughts, different ideas, different values, different goals. I'm an adult. I have responsibilities. I prefer to live my life drama free. I'm a mom. I'm dedicated to my career. I retained a friendship with a woman who I have nothing in common with except the fact that we were best friends in high school. Every conversation we had involved her telling me about all of her problems, her telling me how her life sucks, her telling me how she doesn't have the money for this or for that, yet she would be drunk while speaking to me in the middle of the day...and unemployed. I finally had to wake up and realize that her drama was bringing me down. I had to walk away. She left me a message yesterday telling me that she had to tell me what happened and would I please call her back. I had to resist the urge to call her back, of course I want to be the empathetic person who is there for her friends. Instead, I sent her a text message asking her not to call me anymore, she's not the only person with problems, and frankly I didn't care to listen to her drama anymore.
Another example of me settling for the sake of another's happiness happened in a relationship I was once involved in. This man and I had a lot in common, but they were all surface things. Nothing that we had in common was anything to build a lifetime upon. We got along pretty well, when we weren't fighting that is ha ha. No, we really did get along. We had a lot of fun together, too. But when we would fight, they were horrible fights. Finally one night I was clearheaded enough to realize that the things we were fighting about all boiled down to the same thing...he and I had different values, and neither of us was willing to bend. For a long time I felt like I was settling because I would try to overlook the things that he did (or wanted to do) that went against what I felt was right. It never worked because I wasn't being true to myself. Once I realized this, of course that made it a lot easier to move on.
Lately I've been doing a lot of things for myself, and myself alone. I quit smoking. I started my 401(k). I've been paying down and paying off my credit cards. I've been cooking more. I've been having fun in ways that I want to have fun, and not just doing things because the person or people I'm with want to do them. I'm contributing more to my savings account. I'm taking the kids on vacation next month. I'm eating better. I joined a gym. I'm a much happier person because I've been taking care of me. And you know what? My kids are happier too because they see how happy I am.
When I start to feel that old guilty feeling because I'm not doing what someone wants me to do...I'm going to remind myself that my life is all about me.
Take for example a friendship that I retained for the past 16 years, a friendship that I had long since outgrown. The fact is, I'm not the same person that I was in high school. I have different thoughts, different ideas, different values, different goals. I'm an adult. I have responsibilities. I prefer to live my life drama free. I'm a mom. I'm dedicated to my career. I retained a friendship with a woman who I have nothing in common with except the fact that we were best friends in high school. Every conversation we had involved her telling me about all of her problems, her telling me how her life sucks, her telling me how she doesn't have the money for this or for that, yet she would be drunk while speaking to me in the middle of the day...and unemployed. I finally had to wake up and realize that her drama was bringing me down. I had to walk away. She left me a message yesterday telling me that she had to tell me what happened and would I please call her back. I had to resist the urge to call her back, of course I want to be the empathetic person who is there for her friends. Instead, I sent her a text message asking her not to call me anymore, she's not the only person with problems, and frankly I didn't care to listen to her drama anymore.
Another example of me settling for the sake of another's happiness happened in a relationship I was once involved in. This man and I had a lot in common, but they were all surface things. Nothing that we had in common was anything to build a lifetime upon. We got along pretty well, when we weren't fighting that is ha ha. No, we really did get along. We had a lot of fun together, too. But when we would fight, they were horrible fights. Finally one night I was clearheaded enough to realize that the things we were fighting about all boiled down to the same thing...he and I had different values, and neither of us was willing to bend. For a long time I felt like I was settling because I would try to overlook the things that he did (or wanted to do) that went against what I felt was right. It never worked because I wasn't being true to myself. Once I realized this, of course that made it a lot easier to move on.
Lately I've been doing a lot of things for myself, and myself alone. I quit smoking. I started my 401(k). I've been paying down and paying off my credit cards. I've been cooking more. I've been having fun in ways that I want to have fun, and not just doing things because the person or people I'm with want to do them. I'm contributing more to my savings account. I'm taking the kids on vacation next month. I'm eating better. I joined a gym. I'm a much happier person because I've been taking care of me. And you know what? My kids are happier too because they see how happy I am.
When I start to feel that old guilty feeling because I'm not doing what someone wants me to do...I'm going to remind myself that my life is all about me.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Lyrics of the Day - Far away (Nickelback)
I know, I know...it's two years old. But every time I hear it, a wave of nostalgia passes through me and I'm filled with such a happy feeling....
This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore
On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know
So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know
I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore
On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know
So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know
I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Friday, July 18, 2008
I Love Chicago
First, you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is Chi-caw-go, or Cha-ca-ga, depending on if you live North or South of Roosevelt Rd.
Next, if your road map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one.
If you are in Naperville and your map is one day old, then it is already obsolete.
Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere.
Chicago has its own version of traffic rules... "Hold on and pray."
There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Chicago.
We all drive like that.
All directions start with, "I-94"... which has no beginning and no end.
The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10.
The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7.
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and, if you happen to be on the south side, possibly shot.
When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic but be prepared to hear the horns from all the cars behind you because you didn't immediately start moving.
Construction on Northwest Tollway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.
We had sooooo much fun with that we have added Elgin O'Hare and the I-355 to the mix.
All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Cicero!"
If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.
Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators.
All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way. Period!
First Ave, LaGrange Rd, Pulaski, NW Highway...all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections.
If you are asking directions in Cicero you must have knowledge of Spanish.
In Bridgeport, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet.
If you stop to ask directions on the West or South side, you'd better be armed.
A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75.
The minimum acceptable speed on the Dan Ryan is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.
The wrought iron on windows near Englewood and Austin is NOT ornamental.
The Eisenhower Expressway is our daily version of NASCAR.
The Dan Ryan is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."
If it's 100 degrees, it's Taste of Chicago time.
If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, it's opening day at Sox Park.
If it has rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Western open Golf Classic is in the second round.
If you go to Wrigley Field, pay the $25 to park in the "Cubs Lot". Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard', run over him.
Next, if your road map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one.
If you are in Naperville and your map is one day old, then it is already obsolete.
Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere.
Chicago has its own version of traffic rules... "Hold on and pray."
There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Chicago.
We all drive like that.
All directions start with, "I-94"... which has no beginning and no end.
The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10.
The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7.
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and, if you happen to be on the south side, possibly shot.
When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic but be prepared to hear the horns from all the cars behind you because you didn't immediately start moving.
Construction on Northwest Tollway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.
We had sooooo much fun with that we have added Elgin O'Hare and the I-355 to the mix.
All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Cicero!"
If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.
Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators.
All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way. Period!
First Ave, LaGrange Rd, Pulaski, NW Highway...all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections.
If you are asking directions in Cicero you must have knowledge of Spanish.
In Bridgeport, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet.
If you stop to ask directions on the West or South side, you'd better be armed.
A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75.
The minimum acceptable speed on the Dan Ryan is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.
The wrought iron on windows near Englewood and Austin is NOT ornamental.
The Eisenhower Expressway is our daily version of NASCAR.
The Dan Ryan is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."
If it's 100 degrees, it's Taste of Chicago time.
If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, it's opening day at Sox Park.
If it has rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Western open Golf Classic is in the second round.
If you go to Wrigley Field, pay the $25 to park in the "Cubs Lot". Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard', run over him.
Lyrics of the Day – I’m All Over You (The Spill Canvas)
I'm totally diggin' this song. They actually remind me of 3 Doors Down a little bit. Enjoy ;-)
Yeah he's a looker,
but I really think it's guts that matter most.
I displayed them for you,
strewn out about from coast to coast.
I am easily make believe,
just dress me up in what you want me to be.
I'll take back what I've been saying for quite some time now.
I gotta feel you in my bones again,
I'm all over you.
I'm not over you.
I wanna taste you one more time again,
I'm all over you.
I'm not over you.
In my daydreams, in my sleep,
infatuation turning into disease.
You could cure me, see all you have to do now
is please try.
Give it your best shot and try.
All I'm asking for is love,
but you never seem to have enough.
I gotta feel you in my bones again,
I'm all over you.
I'm not over you.
I wanna taste you one more time again,
I'm all over you.
I'm not over you.
This life is way too short
to get caught up in all this stuff
when I just want you to love me back,
why can't you just love me back?
Why can't you just love me back?
(why can't you, why can't you)
Why can't you just love me back?
(why can't you, why can't you)
Why can't you just love me back?
(why can't you, why can't you just love)
I gotta feel you in my bones again,
I'm all over you.
I'm not over you.
I wanna taste you one more time again,
I'm all over you.
I'm not over you.
This life is way too short
to get caught up and all mixed up
when I just want you to love me back,
why can't you just love me back?
Why won't you just love me back?
Why can't you just love me back?
Yeah he's a looker,
but I really think it's guts that matter most.
I displayed them for you,
strewn out about from coast to coast.
I am easily make believe,
just dress me up in what you want me to be.
I'll take back what I've been saying for quite some time now.
I gotta feel you in my bones again,
I'm all over you.
I'm not over you.
I wanna taste you one more time again,
I'm all over you.
I'm not over you.
In my daydreams, in my sleep,
infatuation turning into disease.
You could cure me, see all you have to do now
is please try.
Give it your best shot and try.
All I'm asking for is love,
but you never seem to have enough.
I gotta feel you in my bones again,
I'm all over you.
I'm not over you.
I wanna taste you one more time again,
I'm all over you.
I'm not over you.
This life is way too short
to get caught up in all this stuff
when I just want you to love me back,
why can't you just love me back?
Why can't you just love me back?
(why can't you, why can't you)
Why can't you just love me back?
(why can't you, why can't you)
Why can't you just love me back?
(why can't you, why can't you just love)
I gotta feel you in my bones again,
I'm all over you.
I'm not over you.
I wanna taste you one more time again,
I'm all over you.
I'm not over you.
This life is way too short
to get caught up and all mixed up
when I just want you to love me back,
why can't you just love me back?
Why won't you just love me back?
Why can't you just love me back?
Monday, July 14, 2008
Lyrics of the Day - Let Me Be Myself (3 Doors Down)
Let Me Be Myself
I guess I just got lost
Bein' someone else
I tried to kill the pain
Nothin ever helped
I left myself behind
Somewhere along the way
Hopin to come back around
To find myself someday
Lately I'm so tired of waiting for you
To say that it's ok, but tell me
Please, would you one time
Just let me be myself
So I can shine with my own light
Let me be myself
Would you let me be myself
I'll never find my heart
Behind someone else
I'll never see the light of day
Living in this cell
It's time to make my way
Into the world I knew
Take back all of these times
That I gave in to you
Lately I'm so tired of waiting for you
To say that it's ok, but tell me
Please, would you one time
Let me be myself
So I can shine with my own light
And let me be myself
For a while, if you don't mind
Let me be myself
So I can shine with my own light
Let me be myself
That's all I've ever wanted from this world
Is to let me be me
Please would you one time
Let me be myself
So I can shine with my own light
Let me be myself
Please would you one time
Let me be myself
So I can shine with my own light
Let me be myself
For a while, if you don't mind
Let me be myself
So I can shine with my own light
Let me be myself
Would you one time... oooh
Let me be myself
Let me be me
I guess I just got lost
Bein' someone else
I tried to kill the pain
Nothin ever helped
I left myself behind
Somewhere along the way
Hopin to come back around
To find myself someday
Lately I'm so tired of waiting for you
To say that it's ok, but tell me
Please, would you one time
Just let me be myself
So I can shine with my own light
Let me be myself
Would you let me be myself
I'll never find my heart
Behind someone else
I'll never see the light of day
Living in this cell
It's time to make my way
Into the world I knew
Take back all of these times
That I gave in to you
Lately I'm so tired of waiting for you
To say that it's ok, but tell me
Please, would you one time
Let me be myself
So I can shine with my own light
And let me be myself
For a while, if you don't mind
Let me be myself
So I can shine with my own light
Let me be myself
That's all I've ever wanted from this world
Is to let me be me
Please would you one time
Let me be myself
So I can shine with my own light
Let me be myself
Please would you one time
Let me be myself
So I can shine with my own light
Let me be myself
For a while, if you don't mind
Let me be myself
So I can shine with my own light
Let me be myself
Would you one time... oooh
Let me be myself
Let me be me
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
So let me tell you about this guy I know…..
There are times in our lives when we meet a person who is so extraordinary that we become a better person just by knowing them. This is the case with me and R.
Before I met him, I was happy person, but I wasn't very excited about life. I was content in my life. I had tons of friends. I was close with my family. I had a job which I liked. I was constantly doing things. But I had no ambition. As much as I had going on in my life, I was pretty resigned to the “fact” that this is my life, these are the cards I was dealt, I wasn’t going to accomplish anything more, not to bother having any dreams or goals for myself, and that I was never going to meet the one who was perfect for me in every way. And then, by a bizarre twist of fate, R walked into me life.
This man is one of the most intelligent people I have ever met. And you know what? He’s all self-taught. He has so much ambition, so much drive, you know that when he sets his mind to do something, he WILL do it. He’s not only knowledgeable about things like WWII, computers, religion, politics, photography, home improvement, travel, languages, history, music, finances (see what I mean), but this man has the type of integrity, honor and class that is rare in most people you meet today. And there’s more. When he loves you, he loves you with everything that he has. He will bend over backwards to be there for you. You never have to question where you stand in his life. He’s the most loyal person I’ve ever known. He would sooner be hurt himself than to ever cause pain to the one that he loves. There are so many admirable traits about this man that if I kept writing it would fill a book.
Because I had the blessing of having him in my life, I’ve become a better person. I’ve set, and achieved, goals that I never thought I would reach. I’ve began to live dreams that I had long since (pre-motherhood) given up on. I’ve traveled to places I never thought I would see. I’ve been loved unconditionally, and taught to love the same way. I’ve learned that these really are the best years of my life, and I’ve been lucky enough to share them with him.
Life with him hasn’t always been easy, and I know he’ll be the first to say that life with me isn’t always easy. Being a man coming into a relationship with a single mom is not easy. Actually, it was probably one of the most difficult things he’s ever had to do. But he didn’t give up. Dealing with the ghost of my ex was no picnic for him either. But, again, he didn’t give up. I had the misfortune of having pathetic people whisper in my ear about him. That wasn’t easy either. And, while my kids can still be difficult (as all children are), and my ex still sticks his nose where it doesn’t belong, and I still get people telling me lies about him, none of it matters. He and I have stuck it out and are able to sit back and laugh.
R’s brother said something to me that I’ve kept going back to lately…”true love never dies”. And it’s true. R and I have had our ups, we’ve had a lot of downs, but when you love the way we love each other, no outside source is going to be able to break that. Thanks, R, my superhero, for enriching my life. I wouldn’t trade these past years for anything, and I hope to have 50 more with you.
Before I met him, I was happy person, but I wasn't very excited about life. I was content in my life. I had tons of friends. I was close with my family. I had a job which I liked. I was constantly doing things. But I had no ambition. As much as I had going on in my life, I was pretty resigned to the “fact” that this is my life, these are the cards I was dealt, I wasn’t going to accomplish anything more, not to bother having any dreams or goals for myself, and that I was never going to meet the one who was perfect for me in every way. And then, by a bizarre twist of fate, R walked into me life.
This man is one of the most intelligent people I have ever met. And you know what? He’s all self-taught. He has so much ambition, so much drive, you know that when he sets his mind to do something, he WILL do it. He’s not only knowledgeable about things like WWII, computers, religion, politics, photography, home improvement, travel, languages, history, music, finances (see what I mean), but this man has the type of integrity, honor and class that is rare in most people you meet today. And there’s more. When he loves you, he loves you with everything that he has. He will bend over backwards to be there for you. You never have to question where you stand in his life. He’s the most loyal person I’ve ever known. He would sooner be hurt himself than to ever cause pain to the one that he loves. There are so many admirable traits about this man that if I kept writing it would fill a book.
Because I had the blessing of having him in my life, I’ve become a better person. I’ve set, and achieved, goals that I never thought I would reach. I’ve began to live dreams that I had long since (pre-motherhood) given up on. I’ve traveled to places I never thought I would see. I’ve been loved unconditionally, and taught to love the same way. I’ve learned that these really are the best years of my life, and I’ve been lucky enough to share them with him.
Life with him hasn’t always been easy, and I know he’ll be the first to say that life with me isn’t always easy. Being a man coming into a relationship with a single mom is not easy. Actually, it was probably one of the most difficult things he’s ever had to do. But he didn’t give up. Dealing with the ghost of my ex was no picnic for him either. But, again, he didn’t give up. I had the misfortune of having pathetic people whisper in my ear about him. That wasn’t easy either. And, while my kids can still be difficult (as all children are), and my ex still sticks his nose where it doesn’t belong, and I still get people telling me lies about him, none of it matters. He and I have stuck it out and are able to sit back and laugh.
R’s brother said something to me that I’ve kept going back to lately…”true love never dies”. And it’s true. R and I have had our ups, we’ve had a lot of downs, but when you love the way we love each other, no outside source is going to be able to break that. Thanks, R, my superhero, for enriching my life. I wouldn’t trade these past years for anything, and I hope to have 50 more with you.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
It’s all a matter of perspective….
I find it funny how life goes in cycles. I mean, when you’re in the midst of a drama or a heartache you certainly don’t see it like that, but when you’re happy and life is good, it’s easier to see how life works.
A month and a half ago my boyfriend of two years broke up with me, I had alienated myself from most of my friends, I had been hibernating for so long I forgot what it was like to go out, I felt horrible about myself and didn’t want to look in the mirror, I was getting ready to begin a court battle with my ex-husband, my daughter hated me, and my grandma almost died. Yea, life certainly SUCKED. While I was going through it, I did what most people would do and played the “poor me, why is this happening to me” saga. Of course, that certainly didn’t help anything. I don’t know how or when it happened, but one day I woke up and decided I needed a plan.
So I sat down, tried to regain some perspective, and made a plan. No, life didn’t magically get better. But what did happen is I found myself able to cope. I found myself not dwelling on the negative. I lost that feeling of hopelessness and removed myself from that victim role that’s so easy to fall into. I began to live.
I’ve had trouble sleeping this past week so at night I lay in bed and my mind goes crazy. The past couple nights I’ve been taking inventory of my life and realized that life really is good. The boyfriend and I aren’t together, but we are slowly learning to communicate again. I’ve reconnected with tons of my friends and at the same time cut one or two who were bad for me out of my life. I find myself getting out of the house more, and when I am home, I don’t consider it hibernating…I consider it enjoying the peace and serenity. I walk with my head up and embrace the world….and funny how many people stop to talk to me or ask if they can give me their number. I’ve made a couple new friends. My ex-husband and I have reached a tentative truce, my daughter and I are getting along, and my grandma is home and doing better.
Life isn’t perfect, but I chose to focus on the good. The bad or the annoying or the frustrating is still there, but I don’t allow it to consume me. Yes, it really is all a matter of perspective.
Note to the superhero…since I know you’re reading this…..thanks for the late night phone conversations this week. Hearing myself say it out loud made it real to me…that’s why I said it’s an unfamiliar concept.
A month and a half ago my boyfriend of two years broke up with me, I had alienated myself from most of my friends, I had been hibernating for so long I forgot what it was like to go out, I felt horrible about myself and didn’t want to look in the mirror, I was getting ready to begin a court battle with my ex-husband, my daughter hated me, and my grandma almost died. Yea, life certainly SUCKED. While I was going through it, I did what most people would do and played the “poor me, why is this happening to me” saga. Of course, that certainly didn’t help anything. I don’t know how or when it happened, but one day I woke up and decided I needed a plan.
So I sat down, tried to regain some perspective, and made a plan. No, life didn’t magically get better. But what did happen is I found myself able to cope. I found myself not dwelling on the negative. I lost that feeling of hopelessness and removed myself from that victim role that’s so easy to fall into. I began to live.
I’ve had trouble sleeping this past week so at night I lay in bed and my mind goes crazy. The past couple nights I’ve been taking inventory of my life and realized that life really is good. The boyfriend and I aren’t together, but we are slowly learning to communicate again. I’ve reconnected with tons of my friends and at the same time cut one or two who were bad for me out of my life. I find myself getting out of the house more, and when I am home, I don’t consider it hibernating…I consider it enjoying the peace and serenity. I walk with my head up and embrace the world….and funny how many people stop to talk to me or ask if they can give me their number. I’ve made a couple new friends. My ex-husband and I have reached a tentative truce, my daughter and I are getting along, and my grandma is home and doing better.
Life isn’t perfect, but I chose to focus on the good. The bad or the annoying or the frustrating is still there, but I don’t allow it to consume me. Yes, it really is all a matter of perspective.
Note to the superhero…since I know you’re reading this…..thanks for the late night phone conversations this week. Hearing myself say it out loud made it real to me…that’s why I said it’s an unfamiliar concept.
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