Dear Men:
Look, we love you. We admire you, we cherish you and we know how smart you are. But let's face it. You don't think the way us women do. So when we make a suggestion of something sweet that you could do for us, we're not trying to control you. We're not trying to dictate your life and we certainly aren't trying to manipulate you. We just know, as women do, that you won't think of it on your own. It's not that you don't care about us. It's not that you're stupid. It's just that you men rarely think on an emotional level. So that's why we try to help you along by offering suggestions of what you can do. Instead of taking offense and puffing out your chest (because we already know and appreciate that you are the strong handsome man), maybe you could just do it. I mean, we already know you would have thought of it yourself if you didn't have all these other more important issues on your mind.
Remember, keeping your woman happy will ultimately keep you happy. Then we won't pout and make your life miserable. Because really, we just want to be shown how much you love us and how much we mean to you. That's all. So do us a favor (and yourselves) and be sweet to us. Trust me. The appreciation that you get from us may just make you lay back and say "oh yes".
Love always,
Women
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Friday, October 26, 2007
Stubbornness and Suspicians
Dictionary.com defines stubbornness as being “…fixed or set in purpose or opinion; resolute…” Have you even known anyone like that? Someone who has it in their head that a situation is a certain way and nothing that they see or hear is going to change their mind? I used to be like that.
As a matter of fact, there was a situation one time that I was convinced happened exactly the way that I thought it did, and nothing was going to change my mind. Someone had told me a story about my boyfriend and I was absolutely 100% convinced that it was true. And of course, me being the analytical person that I am, I was able to find all the “evidence” that I needed to tie into this story that I was told. Of course, I was wrong. There was no “evidence”, just some poor choices made by my boyfriend as he tried to protect me and some creative imagination on my part. But I held on to that story. Boy did I. I swore that it was the truth and he had done this atrocity and nothing he said was going to change my mind. When I think back to all the time I wasted being mad at him for something that he didn’t do, and I was too stupid to believe him, it makes me sick. Yes, my stubbornness almost cost me my relationship.
I used to be a really jaded person. I didn’t believe anything that my boyfriend told me and was punishing him for everything that had ever been done to me. And when he did make an actual screw-up, well dammit I was so hard on him that he felt he had to be perfect. I expected perfection from him, but I told him that he had to accept me for who I am. What a hypocrite I was. There is something that he said to me that I will always remember and I try to live by. He told me that I have to stop thinking the worst of him. If I just automatically assume the best of him, then things will be right.
I had to learn not to be so stubborn. I had to remind myself over and over again that things are not always as they appear. I had to get myself out of lawyer-mode (interrogator/suspicious mode) and take what a person says to me as being the truth. I had to tell myself that if this person loves me, then they aren’t lying to me. I had to stop accusing them and thinking the worst of them. And I had to always assume the best from my boyfriend, even if things made no sense to me.
As a matter of fact, there was a situation one time that I was convinced happened exactly the way that I thought it did, and nothing was going to change my mind. Someone had told me a story about my boyfriend and I was absolutely 100% convinced that it was true. And of course, me being the analytical person that I am, I was able to find all the “evidence” that I needed to tie into this story that I was told. Of course, I was wrong. There was no “evidence”, just some poor choices made by my boyfriend as he tried to protect me and some creative imagination on my part. But I held on to that story. Boy did I. I swore that it was the truth and he had done this atrocity and nothing he said was going to change my mind. When I think back to all the time I wasted being mad at him for something that he didn’t do, and I was too stupid to believe him, it makes me sick. Yes, my stubbornness almost cost me my relationship.
I used to be a really jaded person. I didn’t believe anything that my boyfriend told me and was punishing him for everything that had ever been done to me. And when he did make an actual screw-up, well dammit I was so hard on him that he felt he had to be perfect. I expected perfection from him, but I told him that he had to accept me for who I am. What a hypocrite I was. There is something that he said to me that I will always remember and I try to live by. He told me that I have to stop thinking the worst of him. If I just automatically assume the best of him, then things will be right.
I had to learn not to be so stubborn. I had to remind myself over and over again that things are not always as they appear. I had to get myself out of lawyer-mode (interrogator/suspicious mode) and take what a person says to me as being the truth. I had to tell myself that if this person loves me, then they aren’t lying to me. I had to stop accusing them and thinking the worst of them. And I had to always assume the best from my boyfriend, even if things made no sense to me.
Cowards and Agendas and Saints
Dear spreadtheword3:
I personally want to thank you for butting into my business. And I really want to thank you for forwarding me the emails that you shared with the man that I loved, showing me all the cruel words that he spoke of me and letting me know what his REAL opinion of me is. I find it ironic that you say you come because of God, yet your actions are that of someone with an agenda. If I believed in God, I would have to think that God is of the loving nature. And if God is of the loving nature, then would he want you to do something to another that would cause them pain? Emotional pain, yes, but pain none the less.
See, I was on the road to recovery. I was healing just fine and was ready to get on with my life. And every time you felt the need to send me an email it just reopened wounds that were starting to heal. Now I have no freaking clue what you did yesterday to him. But whatever you did, it must have been something to set him off on the writing rampage that he is on to destroy me.
For some reason he thinks that I am you. And I am led to believe that you are him, or at least one of his family members. I find it quite ironic that I spoke to no one about he and I having another falling out. I thought it was just another spat and we’d get over it, like we always do. So no one, none of my friends, no one in my family, no one that I work with, NO ONE knew that he and I were at odds. And yet, I get a forwarded email from you, spreadtheword, where you quote some of my words, and to make it worse, you say that I told you these words. Well, guess what. I only said those words to one person, and that is him. So wherever you’re getting your information from, at least be upfront about it.
I will say that I have to agree with him. You are quite the coward. And to do so in the name of God is quite scandalous. But whatever your intent was, in the end it’ll come out. You can’t hurt me anymore because I simply don’t care anymore. So, if that was your mission, you have succeeded. Bravo.
I personally want to thank you for butting into my business. And I really want to thank you for forwarding me the emails that you shared with the man that I loved, showing me all the cruel words that he spoke of me and letting me know what his REAL opinion of me is. I find it ironic that you say you come because of God, yet your actions are that of someone with an agenda. If I believed in God, I would have to think that God is of the loving nature. And if God is of the loving nature, then would he want you to do something to another that would cause them pain? Emotional pain, yes, but pain none the less.
See, I was on the road to recovery. I was healing just fine and was ready to get on with my life. And every time you felt the need to send me an email it just reopened wounds that were starting to heal. Now I have no freaking clue what you did yesterday to him. But whatever you did, it must have been something to set him off on the writing rampage that he is on to destroy me.
For some reason he thinks that I am you. And I am led to believe that you are him, or at least one of his family members. I find it quite ironic that I spoke to no one about he and I having another falling out. I thought it was just another spat and we’d get over it, like we always do. So no one, none of my friends, no one in my family, no one that I work with, NO ONE knew that he and I were at odds. And yet, I get a forwarded email from you, spreadtheword, where you quote some of my words, and to make it worse, you say that I told you these words. Well, guess what. I only said those words to one person, and that is him. So wherever you’re getting your information from, at least be upfront about it.
I will say that I have to agree with him. You are quite the coward. And to do so in the name of God is quite scandalous. But whatever your intent was, in the end it’ll come out. You can’t hurt me anymore because I simply don’t care anymore. So, if that was your mission, you have succeeded. Bravo.
The Line
There are a lot of hypothetical lines....the line between fact and fiction, the line between love and hate, the line between what is forgivable and what isn't, the line between sticking up for yourself and being cruel.....
Let's take the line between fact and fiction. Say there is a fight between a couple. The wife goes to her girlfriends and tells them all about the fight, from her point of view of course. The husband goes to his friends and family and tells them all about the fight, from his point of view. Each point of view is told in such a way that it makes the person telling it look like the victim and the other party a monster. So is each story a fact? Or is it fiction? I've heard it said that there are three sides to every story: my side, your side and the truth.
The line between love and hate is more difficult to discern. Each are both very passionate emotions. But is it possible to love someone and then turn around the next day and hate them just as much? I don't think it is.
Where do you draw the line between what is forgivable and what isn't? Can you forgive someone for hurting you? What if they hurt you over and over and over and over again? When do you stop and say I can't forgive you anymore? This is a tough one for me because I promote love and forgiveness. So when something happens, or a string of something happens, in my life, I can find it very hard to forgive a person. But I think what I'm discovering is that my lack of forgiveness would only hurt myself. So, therefore, I think I can forgive a person for almost anything, but I don't have to subject myself to this person's actions anymore.
The line between sticking up for myself and being cruel is one that I'm still struggling with, although not quite as bad as I once was. See, I was the one who always went on the offensive. I would tell a person about themselves before they had the opportunity to get me. But what I realized, eventually, is that all that did is alienate the ones that I love and make me seem like a horrible person. And I'm really not a horrible person, I just have a big mouth that opens before my brain can tell it to shut. On the other hand, if you let a person treat you like crap over and over again, and you just sit there and take it, that's wrong too. Your actions have to match your words. If you say you love someone, don't say horrible things to them or about them. If you say you aren't going to put up with this nonsense, then do not put up with it. And if a person can't treat you exactly as they expect you to treat them, then they don't need to be in your life.
Life is not always black and white. There really are a lot of shades of gray in there. Not every situation is the same, and not every person is the same. If you want someone to forgive you, you have to forgive them. If you want someone to treat you like they love you, you have to treat them with love. If you want someone to be kind to you, you have to be kind to them. And you can't react the same to every situation. Your opinion is not the only one that matters. And if you go off the deep end, you may do something that not only you will regret, but will cause irreparable harm to the relationship and to the other person. Think before you act. Think before you speak. And above all else, treat others as you wish to be treated.
Let's take the line between fact and fiction. Say there is a fight between a couple. The wife goes to her girlfriends and tells them all about the fight, from her point of view of course. The husband goes to his friends and family and tells them all about the fight, from his point of view. Each point of view is told in such a way that it makes the person telling it look like the victim and the other party a monster. So is each story a fact? Or is it fiction? I've heard it said that there are three sides to every story: my side, your side and the truth.
The line between love and hate is more difficult to discern. Each are both very passionate emotions. But is it possible to love someone and then turn around the next day and hate them just as much? I don't think it is.
Where do you draw the line between what is forgivable and what isn't? Can you forgive someone for hurting you? What if they hurt you over and over and over and over again? When do you stop and say I can't forgive you anymore? This is a tough one for me because I promote love and forgiveness. So when something happens, or a string of something happens, in my life, I can find it very hard to forgive a person. But I think what I'm discovering is that my lack of forgiveness would only hurt myself. So, therefore, I think I can forgive a person for almost anything, but I don't have to subject myself to this person's actions anymore.
The line between sticking up for myself and being cruel is one that I'm still struggling with, although not quite as bad as I once was. See, I was the one who always went on the offensive. I would tell a person about themselves before they had the opportunity to get me. But what I realized, eventually, is that all that did is alienate the ones that I love and make me seem like a horrible person. And I'm really not a horrible person, I just have a big mouth that opens before my brain can tell it to shut. On the other hand, if you let a person treat you like crap over and over again, and you just sit there and take it, that's wrong too. Your actions have to match your words. If you say you love someone, don't say horrible things to them or about them. If you say you aren't going to put up with this nonsense, then do not put up with it. And if a person can't treat you exactly as they expect you to treat them, then they don't need to be in your life.
Life is not always black and white. There really are a lot of shades of gray in there. Not every situation is the same, and not every person is the same. If you want someone to forgive you, you have to forgive them. If you want someone to treat you like they love you, you have to treat them with love. If you want someone to be kind to you, you have to be kind to them. And you can't react the same to every situation. Your opinion is not the only one that matters. And if you go off the deep end, you may do something that not only you will regret, but will cause irreparable harm to the relationship and to the other person. Think before you act. Think before you speak. And above all else, treat others as you wish to be treated.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Just one of those days
I should have known it by the anxiety attacks I was having on Monday, but I figured it was all the coffee and the Excedrin that I had taken that was making me so jittery.
Last night my knee popped out again, and this time I think I really did some damage to it. It's swollen and very difficult to walk, but I have it bandaged. I should have gone to the hospital but I couldn't get ahold of the only person with keys to my house and couldn't figure out how I was going to open the door if I called an ambulance. So I did something that I probably shouldn't have done and moved it back in place.....ugh. Funny how someone as weak stomached as I am has consistently been able to pop her kneecap back into place every time it pops out. I guess I'd rather take that quick pain than the inability to walk and the constant pain of a bone being where it shouldn't be. It's still gross though. The muscles there are already weak, and I've been trying to put off the surgery until next year, but it feels like I might have REALLY messed it up so I may have to have the surgery sooner than I wanted. I don't even want to go into all the reason that won't work for me. But whatever happens happens I guess.
This morning Cass texted me and said she has her court date tonight from when her and her friends got beat up by that boy last month. Of course I got no notification, so after the run around on the phone I finally was able to discover that yes indeed the boy has court tonight. Unfortunately it's at 6:00 so that means I have to skip my lunch and leave work early so that I can be there on time. I have no idea what I'm going to do with Tristan. I don't feel all that comfortable bringing him into a courtroom, but I guess I don't have any other option since I have no one to watch him.
Well, the good news is that it's Thursday. Today will fly by and tomorrow will be a breeze, and then I'll have a nice relaxing weekend that is drama free. I swear, all the dumb shit that I'm been focusing my energy on lately is wearing on me. I'm going to be a much happier person now that all the ignorant people are out of my life.
Last night my knee popped out again, and this time I think I really did some damage to it. It's swollen and very difficult to walk, but I have it bandaged. I should have gone to the hospital but I couldn't get ahold of the only person with keys to my house and couldn't figure out how I was going to open the door if I called an ambulance. So I did something that I probably shouldn't have done and moved it back in place.....ugh. Funny how someone as weak stomached as I am has consistently been able to pop her kneecap back into place every time it pops out. I guess I'd rather take that quick pain than the inability to walk and the constant pain of a bone being where it shouldn't be. It's still gross though. The muscles there are already weak, and I've been trying to put off the surgery until next year, but it feels like I might have REALLY messed it up so I may have to have the surgery sooner than I wanted. I don't even want to go into all the reason that won't work for me. But whatever happens happens I guess.
This morning Cass texted me and said she has her court date tonight from when her and her friends got beat up by that boy last month. Of course I got no notification, so after the run around on the phone I finally was able to discover that yes indeed the boy has court tonight. Unfortunately it's at 6:00 so that means I have to skip my lunch and leave work early so that I can be there on time. I have no idea what I'm going to do with Tristan. I don't feel all that comfortable bringing him into a courtroom, but I guess I don't have any other option since I have no one to watch him.
Well, the good news is that it's Thursday. Today will fly by and tomorrow will be a breeze, and then I'll have a nice relaxing weekend that is drama free. I swear, all the dumb shit that I'm been focusing my energy on lately is wearing on me. I'm going to be a much happier person now that all the ignorant people are out of my life.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
And Happy Wednesday
Halfway through the week, finally!!!! Surprisingly, though, the week has flown by. It may have something to do with the fact that Randy and I are back together, and every day with him is something I treasure.
I've started cooking again and I've even created another blog page that I'm posting some of my recipes on. It's fun and something different. The kids aren't so glad that I'm cooking, but they did like my oven fried chicken last night! I think they'd prefer to eat McDonalds every day of the week!
Oh well. Life is good, I'm happy, and I've found a new appreciation for the ones in my life.
I've started cooking again and I've even created another blog page that I'm posting some of my recipes on. It's fun and something different. The kids aren't so glad that I'm cooking, but they did like my oven fried chicken last night! I think they'd prefer to eat McDonalds every day of the week!
Oh well. Life is good, I'm happy, and I've found a new appreciation for the ones in my life.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Showing Your Appreciation
How often do we take the people in our life for granted? We go on about our days, rushing here and doing this and taking care of that. Do we let the ones we care about know how much they mean to us? Or do we take them for granted? Do we think that they know how important they are to us? Do we tell them?
When Randy and I first started dating, ours was a long distance relationship. It was hard because we would only see each other on the weekends. But the circumstances were what they were, so we had no choice but to make the best of it. When Saturday morning would come and he would walk in my door, the first thing I would do would be to go to him. We would stand there for a few minutes with our arms around each other, breathing in the scent of each other and letting the other know how much we missed them. He moved here to be with me 6 months into our relationship and somehow along the line I began to stop greeting him like that. Why? I think it was because I grew so accustomed to seeing him everyday. He drove 10 miles instead of 320 miles to see me. I began to take him for granted. I thought he knew how much I appreciated him, but yet I stopped telling him and I stopped showing him. A big mistake because then he had his doubts.
Do I tell my daughter how proud of her I am? How beautiful she is and what a good girl she is? I didn’t. Do I tell my son how smart he is? How he’s growing up to be such a big boy and how much I love him? I didn’t. Do I tell Randy how grateful I am that he’s in my life? How I know that he is a good man and that I want to spend the rest of my life with him? I didn’t. See, I had no problem telling everyone else these things, but I never would tell the ones who it would mean the most to. I would tell everybody that my daughter is a good girl, that my son is smart, and that Randy is a good man. But I wouldn’t tell them.
But now I do. Now, I tell my angel how proud of her I am. Now, I tell my son how smart he is. Now, I tell Randy how much I love him. And now, when I see him, I greet him with a hug and a kiss. Because he deserves to know how much I love him. My children deserve to know how grateful for them that I am.
Appreciating a person is one thing. Showing your appreciation is what really counts.
When Randy and I first started dating, ours was a long distance relationship. It was hard because we would only see each other on the weekends. But the circumstances were what they were, so we had no choice but to make the best of it. When Saturday morning would come and he would walk in my door, the first thing I would do would be to go to him. We would stand there for a few minutes with our arms around each other, breathing in the scent of each other and letting the other know how much we missed them. He moved here to be with me 6 months into our relationship and somehow along the line I began to stop greeting him like that. Why? I think it was because I grew so accustomed to seeing him everyday. He drove 10 miles instead of 320 miles to see me. I began to take him for granted. I thought he knew how much I appreciated him, but yet I stopped telling him and I stopped showing him. A big mistake because then he had his doubts.
Do I tell my daughter how proud of her I am? How beautiful she is and what a good girl she is? I didn’t. Do I tell my son how smart he is? How he’s growing up to be such a big boy and how much I love him? I didn’t. Do I tell Randy how grateful I am that he’s in my life? How I know that he is a good man and that I want to spend the rest of my life with him? I didn’t. See, I had no problem telling everyone else these things, but I never would tell the ones who it would mean the most to. I would tell everybody that my daughter is a good girl, that my son is smart, and that Randy is a good man. But I wouldn’t tell them.
But now I do. Now, I tell my angel how proud of her I am. Now, I tell my son how smart he is. Now, I tell Randy how much I love him. And now, when I see him, I greet him with a hug and a kiss. Because he deserves to know how much I love him. My children deserve to know how grateful for them that I am.
Appreciating a person is one thing. Showing your appreciation is what really counts.
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