"Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition."
--- Timothy Leary
Friday, August 8, 2008
In looking at the bright side…..
Monday night brought Chicagoland the “storm of all storms”…at least for our area. Let me start from the beginning.
Monday started off as every typical Monday does. Go to work, go to the gym, come home. I mean, sure, it was raining that morning when I got off the train and the wind was a bit stronger than normal (it turned my umbrella inside out as I was crossing the River), but it had cleared up by the time I left work. When I went to the gym the sky was looking pretty clear, and after my hour-and-a-half workout it was dark but I didn’t notice anything abnormal. So I went home and put my dinner in the oven, washed the dishes and sat down and watched Big Brother from On Demand while I was waiting for my dinner to cook. And then it got weird.
I saw a bright flash of lightning and heard thunder boom and shake the whole house. Immediately following that the lights began to dim and the oven timer went off. I walked into the kitchen, grabbed my food and as soon as I shut the oven door the power went off. I’m thinking to myself…wow, I don’t usually lose power this must be a bad one.
I find a flashlight and look out my front door. I couldn’t believe my eyes. The light from my flashlight showed a tree blocking my neighbor’s front door as well as part of a tree laying in the street between our two houses. Oh my gosh. I was officially in freak-out mode. I tried calling R and couldn’t get a signal from my cell. I tried texting him and it took forever to go through. I called my neighbor’s girlfriend and told her to call him (my neighbor) cuz the tree was across his stairs. He runs over and tells me not to go in my backyard because my tree came down and pulled down my power lines. Oh my gosh. It was insane.
Finally, after an hour of trying to call ComEd, my dad calling to check on me, my ex-husband coming to see my damage, the insane storm with the hurricane winds, I laid down in bed and tried to get some sleep….only to be woken up a couple hours later by ANOTHER storm…this one with the sirens going off. I stayed in bed and said, well, if there’s tornado just kill me because I am NOT going in the basement.
Now, 5 days later, I still don’t have any electricity. ComEd informed me that I’m not a priority because the rest of my neighborhood has their power restored and, since I’m just one resident without power, I am placed last on the list. I have lost $450 worth of food. My neighbor is running an extension cord from his house to mine so that I was able to clean out the fridge and get some new food. State Farm has been amazing. My claim on my food loss is already being processed. They gave me the go-ahead to have an electrician out to install a new box without having to wait for an adjuster to come out. The adjuster is coming out tomorrow to check out my roof and the rest of the damage to my house.
It’s very frustrating not having any power, but at least now I have food in the house and am able to cook some because the stove top works as long as I light it manually. I’m able to charge my cell phone at work. Tonight, after the gym, I’m going to take my clothes to the laundromat. That should be fun…I haven’t had to do that in years! I’ve been reading books in bed using a flashlight, and lots of candles are keeping the house smelling nice, as well as giving some light. I think the worst part of it all is that I’m incredibly lonely without my kids. They’ve been with their dad the whole week since he has power and I don’t know exactly what damage the house has sustained. But that’s ok. It could be worse. The best part? I’m still not smoking!
Monday started off as every typical Monday does. Go to work, go to the gym, come home. I mean, sure, it was raining that morning when I got off the train and the wind was a bit stronger than normal (it turned my umbrella inside out as I was crossing the River), but it had cleared up by the time I left work. When I went to the gym the sky was looking pretty clear, and after my hour-and-a-half workout it was dark but I didn’t notice anything abnormal. So I went home and put my dinner in the oven, washed the dishes and sat down and watched Big Brother from On Demand while I was waiting for my dinner to cook. And then it got weird.
I saw a bright flash of lightning and heard thunder boom and shake the whole house. Immediately following that the lights began to dim and the oven timer went off. I walked into the kitchen, grabbed my food and as soon as I shut the oven door the power went off. I’m thinking to myself…wow, I don’t usually lose power this must be a bad one.
I find a flashlight and look out my front door. I couldn’t believe my eyes. The light from my flashlight showed a tree blocking my neighbor’s front door as well as part of a tree laying in the street between our two houses. Oh my gosh. I was officially in freak-out mode. I tried calling R and couldn’t get a signal from my cell. I tried texting him and it took forever to go through. I called my neighbor’s girlfriend and told her to call him (my neighbor) cuz the tree was across his stairs. He runs over and tells me not to go in my backyard because my tree came down and pulled down my power lines. Oh my gosh. It was insane.
Finally, after an hour of trying to call ComEd, my dad calling to check on me, my ex-husband coming to see my damage, the insane storm with the hurricane winds, I laid down in bed and tried to get some sleep….only to be woken up a couple hours later by ANOTHER storm…this one with the sirens going off. I stayed in bed and said, well, if there’s tornado just kill me because I am NOT going in the basement.
Now, 5 days later, I still don’t have any electricity. ComEd informed me that I’m not a priority because the rest of my neighborhood has their power restored and, since I’m just one resident without power, I am placed last on the list. I have lost $450 worth of food. My neighbor is running an extension cord from his house to mine so that I was able to clean out the fridge and get some new food. State Farm has been amazing. My claim on my food loss is already being processed. They gave me the go-ahead to have an electrician out to install a new box without having to wait for an adjuster to come out. The adjuster is coming out tomorrow to check out my roof and the rest of the damage to my house.
It’s very frustrating not having any power, but at least now I have food in the house and am able to cook some because the stove top works as long as I light it manually. I’m able to charge my cell phone at work. Tonight, after the gym, I’m going to take my clothes to the laundromat. That should be fun…I haven’t had to do that in years! I’ve been reading books in bed using a flashlight, and lots of candles are keeping the house smelling nice, as well as giving some light. I think the worst part of it all is that I’m incredibly lonely without my kids. They’ve been with their dad the whole week since he has power and I don’t know exactly what damage the house has sustained. But that’s ok. It could be worse. The best part? I’m still not smoking!
How true...
I came across this in my Reader today. It seems fitting.
"A wise and understanding heart does not repay a hurt with a hurt. In doing so, the heart is diminished. Fissures form. Love leaks out. Every pain given in return for one received, changes the contents of the heart. It is no longer defined by love, wisdom and understanding. It is redefined by the bearers of hurt and hate, pain and prejudice, meanness and madness, sorrow and sadness. You give away control of your very own heart. The despair of being hurt is healed by overcoming it, not clinging to the hurt and inflicting more of it on the world.
When darkness is added to darkness, no one can see, no one can love. Everyone loses. Love is not always warm and fuzzy. Sometimes it's the integrity we hold on to when we're tempted to strike back. Sometimes it's the honor that keeps us from exchanging the valuable contents of our heart for the harsh satisfaction of lashing back. No, the way of love is not always easy, but when night falls, dawn is assured. The integrity and honor of a wise and understanding heart, rises with the sun of a new day. Living in love and loving life."
Author: careycary
"A wise and understanding heart does not repay a hurt with a hurt. In doing so, the heart is diminished. Fissures form. Love leaks out. Every pain given in return for one received, changes the contents of the heart. It is no longer defined by love, wisdom and understanding. It is redefined by the bearers of hurt and hate, pain and prejudice, meanness and madness, sorrow and sadness. You give away control of your very own heart. The despair of being hurt is healed by overcoming it, not clinging to the hurt and inflicting more of it on the world.
When darkness is added to darkness, no one can see, no one can love. Everyone loses. Love is not always warm and fuzzy. Sometimes it's the integrity we hold on to when we're tempted to strike back. Sometimes it's the honor that keeps us from exchanging the valuable contents of our heart for the harsh satisfaction of lashing back. No, the way of love is not always easy, but when night falls, dawn is assured. The integrity and honor of a wise and understanding heart, rises with the sun of a new day. Living in love and loving life."
Author: careycary
Thursday, August 7, 2008
A week unlike any other…but I have achieved stardom!!
I could write about how shitty a week I’ve been having, what with the hurricane winds that knocked out the power in my town, the lightning that struck my tree which branches from said tree fell on my power lines which said power lines pulled out of my house….causing me to remain powerless going into day 4…while the rest of my town is almost finished with the clean up. Or I could talk about how the hundreds of dollars of food….now that I’m eating healthier and more since I’ve been working out and quit smoking….is more than likely going to go bad unless power is restored soon or my next door neighbor takes pity on me and runs an extension cord from my refrigerator to his house. Or I could talk about how much I miss my kids since they’ve been staying with their dad since they own a generator and were in good shape. Or I could talk about….well, I don’t want to talk about that.
I could talk about all these annoying, frustrating or heartbreaking things that my week has consisted of, but instead I prefer to talk about the humor that was just injected into my day.
My daughter called me to tell me she was coming home to take a shower since her dad’s bathroom is getting redone and they shut off the water. No biggie I say. Just DON’T OPEN THE REFRIGERATOR OR FREEZER!!! Being a typical teenager, or perhaps just being her mother’s daughter, she starts complaining about how this no power thing is getting old, she wants to come home, she wants her own bed, she wants the computer, she wants good food, etc…. I told her there’s a ton of food downstairs that I think she can cook on the stovetop that wouldn’t require her to go into the fridge, just go take a look. She sees some beefaroni or ravioli or something and then calls to tell me she can’t get the burner lit. Oops!!! I forgot to tell her the ignitor switch is electric and she has to find the candle lighter and light it manually.
Well, she calls me back again to tell me how happy she is that at least she gets to eat something better than a sandwich and thank’s Mom for letting me know it was there to eat.
Ha ha, so I’m telling one of my bosses that C is happy now because she’s eating, and he said “Well, I am happy because C is happy. It just made my day.” So I told him...I don’t know why she thinks she can be so difficult….now, if you know me, especially you, R, are you cracking up yet?.....and what does my boss say to me? Gee, Jenn, I don’t know why your daughter would be so difficult, I mean, could it be because she’s your daughter? Well, I just had to tell him….look, I never made any secret about me being a difficult woman, but I’ve earned that right. And he said to me….difficult? You’re beyond difficult, you’re high maintenance. Yes, dear reader, I have achieved stardom. Something that R found out in the very beginning and that I have already known has just been affirmed. I am high maintenance. And you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way ;-)
I could talk about all these annoying, frustrating or heartbreaking things that my week has consisted of, but instead I prefer to talk about the humor that was just injected into my day.
My daughter called me to tell me she was coming home to take a shower since her dad’s bathroom is getting redone and they shut off the water. No biggie I say. Just DON’T OPEN THE REFRIGERATOR OR FREEZER!!! Being a typical teenager, or perhaps just being her mother’s daughter, she starts complaining about how this no power thing is getting old, she wants to come home, she wants her own bed, she wants the computer, she wants good food, etc…. I told her there’s a ton of food downstairs that I think she can cook on the stovetop that wouldn’t require her to go into the fridge, just go take a look. She sees some beefaroni or ravioli or something and then calls to tell me she can’t get the burner lit. Oops!!! I forgot to tell her the ignitor switch is electric and she has to find the candle lighter and light it manually.
Well, she calls me back again to tell me how happy she is that at least she gets to eat something better than a sandwich and thank’s Mom for letting me know it was there to eat.
Ha ha, so I’m telling one of my bosses that C is happy now because she’s eating, and he said “Well, I am happy because C is happy. It just made my day.” So I told him...I don’t know why she thinks she can be so difficult….now, if you know me, especially you, R, are you cracking up yet?.....and what does my boss say to me? Gee, Jenn, I don’t know why your daughter would be so difficult, I mean, could it be because she’s your daughter? Well, I just had to tell him….look, I never made any secret about me being a difficult woman, but I’ve earned that right. And he said to me….difficult? You’re beyond difficult, you’re high maintenance. Yes, dear reader, I have achieved stardom. Something that R found out in the very beginning and that I have already known has just been affirmed. I am high maintenance. And you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way ;-)
Thursday, July 31, 2008
The Church strikes again
It’s no secret that I’ve been disenchanted with the Church for quite some time now. There was a point during this past year that I wasn’t even sure if I believed in God anymore. After a lot of soul searching, I finally figured out just what it is that I believe in….and what I don’t. Because I feel (very strongly) that every one is entitled to believe (or disbelieve) in what they wish, be it the bible or science or a pop can, I basically refrain from initiating any sort of religious discussion. But sometimes I hear something that REALLY pisses me off, and I have to state just how ridiculous the whole idea of the Church really is.
I have a friend who is really involved in her church. She teaches, she works with the kids, she’s on this committee and on that committee. Basically, her whole life outside of her career revolves around her church. My girlfriend was in a very unique marriage and stayed married to a man for about 3 years too long. I won’t go into the details to protect her privacy, but I will say that her faith in God and believing what the bible has taught her kept her in a marriage that left her feeling, well, alone.
My girlfriend filed for divorce a few weeks ago. Let’s just say that her “church family” isn’t taking it very well. From experience I can tell you that no matter who wants the divorce, the mere act of getting divorced (or ending a long-term relationship) is a very emotional experience. Your whole life gets turned upside down, you’re an emotional wreck, and there are times when you don’t know which way is up. Do you think her “church family” is helping her through this time? No. Of course not. Do you know what she’s getting? Text messages from her so-called friends quoting scripture of how wrong she is. Emails from people who she was once very close to, judging her. The pastor wanting to have a meeting with her. People leaving comments on her Myspace and her Facebook belittling her for her decision. It makes me sick.
She and I had lunch today and she asked what she should do. I can’t make her decision for her. All I can do is share my own experience with the Church and be here to support in her time of need. So what did I tell her?
I told her the story of what happened when the Church found out that I was pregnant with my son before my ex-husband and I were married. I remember very vividly getting into a screaming match with the deacon because he told me that I hadn’t properly repented (for my sin of getting pregnant with my pride and joy). Well, I basically told him to go f*** himself because the only ones I have to answer to is God, myself and eventually my son when he is old enough to do the math (although to be honest I think that by the time that happens it won’t be such a big deal in society’s eyes).
I told her the story of how my ex-husband received a letter in the mail from the Church telling him that they were revoking his membership and, while he could continue to tithe and give his offering to the Church, he wasn’t allowed to have his name on their membership roster anymore.
I told her the story of how I used to be a youth leader in my old church. I related how I was very active in Sunday School, mission work, youth work, choir, etc. I then told her how once I got divorced all of my church friends shunned me and how eventually I simply stopped going to church.
I told her how I don’t need a book that was written by a bunch of men back in the day for the sole purpose of controlling people, especially women, to tell me the difference between right and wrong. I told her how I don’t want to be a part of a group that looks their nose down if you aren’t like them, but many of that same group is involved in some pretty deviant “sin”. I told her that I’m the hardest on myself and I don’t need to get all dressed up once a week and have a competition with other people to see who is the bigger martyr. I told her how instead of running my mouth and quoting scripture that has a bunch of thees and thous in it, I’d rather live as example. I told her that the God that I believe in isn’t a god who promotes rape or stealing or judgment or condemning those who don’t follow him to an eternity of fire.
The thing is, I understand how she feels. Your world falls apart and you think you can lean on those who say they “love” you, and then they turn their back on you. You begin to question everything that you’ve been taught, everything that you thought was true. You begin to doubt yourself because if you were so wrong about your church family, what else were you wrong about?
There are times, like today, when I get really angry at these people. And then there are days when I pity them because they believe so strongly in what they preach that they don’t even see the inconsistencies in the nonsense that they spew. They can’t see just how the very words that they say is in direct contradiction to some of the things that Jesus himself said (according to the bible). So is it any wonder that anyone with a brain who stops to think about this gets confused?
As far as my girlfriend goes, it’ll be a rough road for her. Finding out who your true friends are is something that usually happens when you’re already down. But she’s intelligent. She’ll figure it out. I just feel sorry for those who aren’t so smart.
I have a friend who is really involved in her church. She teaches, she works with the kids, she’s on this committee and on that committee. Basically, her whole life outside of her career revolves around her church. My girlfriend was in a very unique marriage and stayed married to a man for about 3 years too long. I won’t go into the details to protect her privacy, but I will say that her faith in God and believing what the bible has taught her kept her in a marriage that left her feeling, well, alone.
My girlfriend filed for divorce a few weeks ago. Let’s just say that her “church family” isn’t taking it very well. From experience I can tell you that no matter who wants the divorce, the mere act of getting divorced (or ending a long-term relationship) is a very emotional experience. Your whole life gets turned upside down, you’re an emotional wreck, and there are times when you don’t know which way is up. Do you think her “church family” is helping her through this time? No. Of course not. Do you know what she’s getting? Text messages from her so-called friends quoting scripture of how wrong she is. Emails from people who she was once very close to, judging her. The pastor wanting to have a meeting with her. People leaving comments on her Myspace and her Facebook belittling her for her decision. It makes me sick.
She and I had lunch today and she asked what she should do. I can’t make her decision for her. All I can do is share my own experience with the Church and be here to support in her time of need. So what did I tell her?
I told her the story of what happened when the Church found out that I was pregnant with my son before my ex-husband and I were married. I remember very vividly getting into a screaming match with the deacon because he told me that I hadn’t properly repented (for my sin of getting pregnant with my pride and joy). Well, I basically told him to go f*** himself because the only ones I have to answer to is God, myself and eventually my son when he is old enough to do the math (although to be honest I think that by the time that happens it won’t be such a big deal in society’s eyes).
I told her the story of how my ex-husband received a letter in the mail from the Church telling him that they were revoking his membership and, while he could continue to tithe and give his offering to the Church, he wasn’t allowed to have his name on their membership roster anymore.
I told her the story of how I used to be a youth leader in my old church. I related how I was very active in Sunday School, mission work, youth work, choir, etc. I then told her how once I got divorced all of my church friends shunned me and how eventually I simply stopped going to church.
I told her how I don’t need a book that was written by a bunch of men back in the day for the sole purpose of controlling people, especially women, to tell me the difference between right and wrong. I told her how I don’t want to be a part of a group that looks their nose down if you aren’t like them, but many of that same group is involved in some pretty deviant “sin”. I told her that I’m the hardest on myself and I don’t need to get all dressed up once a week and have a competition with other people to see who is the bigger martyr. I told her how instead of running my mouth and quoting scripture that has a bunch of thees and thous in it, I’d rather live as example. I told her that the God that I believe in isn’t a god who promotes rape or stealing or judgment or condemning those who don’t follow him to an eternity of fire.
The thing is, I understand how she feels. Your world falls apart and you think you can lean on those who say they “love” you, and then they turn their back on you. You begin to question everything that you’ve been taught, everything that you thought was true. You begin to doubt yourself because if you were so wrong about your church family, what else were you wrong about?
There are times, like today, when I get really angry at these people. And then there are days when I pity them because they believe so strongly in what they preach that they don’t even see the inconsistencies in the nonsense that they spew. They can’t see just how the very words that they say is in direct contradiction to some of the things that Jesus himself said (according to the bible). So is it any wonder that anyone with a brain who stops to think about this gets confused?
As far as my girlfriend goes, it’ll be a rough road for her. Finding out who your true friends are is something that usually happens when you’re already down. But she’s intelligent. She’ll figure it out. I just feel sorry for those who aren’t so smart.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
And THIS is why women think men are morons....
I tumbled across this link (13 Facts About Women.....Men Forget) in my Google Reader yesterday...and feel strangely compelled to respond to these somewhat true, mostly ridiculous allegations about women. I shall, of course, make the standard disclaimer here...no, I'm not talking to all men, just the ones who buy into this bullshit. I love men. Men are good. Men are yummy. Men make me hot. Blah blah blah.
1. Full of Sh*t. We are NOT full of shit. Just because you have trouble wrapping your brain around our sense of logic DOES NOT MEAN that we are full of shit. We are so sick of being accused of playing games. We are so sick of being called liars. Just because you feel the need to be logical and unemotional does not mean that you are the all-knowing, all-perfect greater beings of our species.
2. More Complicated Than You. Of course we're more complicated than you are. Do you even know how to multi-task? Do you even think about things other than sex, beer and sports? I mean, I have never heard a man wonder how he is going to juggle a family, hobbies, career and time for himself. No, it's usually the woman who is worrying about how to deal with all that. Yes, I'm definitely a complicated woman. And I'm certainly proud of it.
3. Requires Compliments. We don't require them, but make no mistake many women want to hear them. And really...what's wrong with that? Positive affirmations are a good thing.
4. Believes She Knows More About You Than You Do. I mean...REALLY? It's not that we think we know more about you than you know about yourself. It's that we remember how you used to be when we fell in love with you...and the person we're with now is the freakign polar opposite of that man. So when you're acting like an obtuse asshole and we say things like "oh just stop it...this isn't you", it's because we know that the man we fell in love with wouldn't behave that way.
5. Evil Toward Other Girls. The majority of women are not evil toward other women. Most women have a very strict "code" of NEVER fucking over a female, whether we're friends with them or not. Do we stand up for ourselves and protect what is ours if we feel threatened or wronged? Absolutely. But we do that to anyone, regardless of their gender.
6. Self Conscious About Something. Yes, most of us are usually self-conscious about something. But its hard not to be when the men we are with can't keep their tongue in their mouth or their head from swiveling when they see a woman (usually a very young woman) walk by with her girl parts hanging out. And don't even try to act like men don't have their insecurities as well. They just deal with it differently than women do.
7. Crazy. We are not crazy. We are emotional. If we didn't express our emotions the way we do, well then we'd be called men now wouldn't we.
8. Not Funny. Not funny? Well, I admit I am definitely humor challenged, but who cares. Not every person is good at every thing, and to make a blanket judgment of women are not funny is really, just, not funny.
9. A Star-F**ker. Right. How said for the person that dreamt this one up. There is only one man that I want to have sex with, and while he may not be a movie star, he's (usually) a star in my eyes.
10. A Better Liar. Just because men do dumb stuff that they KNOW their woman would not be happy about and then have to lie about it and then get caught does not mean that women are constantly lying. Women are usually more honest than men, but because men lie so much they automatically think women are doing it.
11. Enjoys Cat Calls. Hardly. While I enjoy having a man give me an appreciative look, having a construction worker stop his truck in the middle of the street so he can talk to me as I'm crossing the street is not only embarrassing, but it's creepy.
12. Constantly Looks For Inner-Meaning. You're right. We do. That's because we're not shallow. And because we care.
13. Uses Sex To Manipulate Men. This is probably the most ridiculous one of them all. News flash. Women enjoy sex. We like it a lot. Really. A LOT. Why in the world would we use sex to manipulate men when it's something that, from my experience, we want more than the man does?
So there you have it. I've refuted and disputed these senseless allegations based on the behavior of a select few women and more than likely written by a man who just got dumped. Agree, disagree, I don't care. It's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.
1. Full of Sh*t. We are NOT full of shit. Just because you have trouble wrapping your brain around our sense of logic DOES NOT MEAN that we are full of shit. We are so sick of being accused of playing games. We are so sick of being called liars. Just because you feel the need to be logical and unemotional does not mean that you are the all-knowing, all-perfect greater beings of our species.
2. More Complicated Than You. Of course we're more complicated than you are. Do you even know how to multi-task? Do you even think about things other than sex, beer and sports? I mean, I have never heard a man wonder how he is going to juggle a family, hobbies, career and time for himself. No, it's usually the woman who is worrying about how to deal with all that. Yes, I'm definitely a complicated woman. And I'm certainly proud of it.
3. Requires Compliments. We don't require them, but make no mistake many women want to hear them. And really...what's wrong with that? Positive affirmations are a good thing.
4. Believes She Knows More About You Than You Do. I mean...REALLY? It's not that we think we know more about you than you know about yourself. It's that we remember how you used to be when we fell in love with you...and the person we're with now is the freakign polar opposite of that man. So when you're acting like an obtuse asshole and we say things like "oh just stop it...this isn't you", it's because we know that the man we fell in love with wouldn't behave that way.
5. Evil Toward Other Girls. The majority of women are not evil toward other women. Most women have a very strict "code" of NEVER fucking over a female, whether we're friends with them or not. Do we stand up for ourselves and protect what is ours if we feel threatened or wronged? Absolutely. But we do that to anyone, regardless of their gender.
6. Self Conscious About Something. Yes, most of us are usually self-conscious about something. But its hard not to be when the men we are with can't keep their tongue in their mouth or their head from swiveling when they see a woman (usually a very young woman) walk by with her girl parts hanging out. And don't even try to act like men don't have their insecurities as well. They just deal with it differently than women do.
7. Crazy. We are not crazy. We are emotional. If we didn't express our emotions the way we do, well then we'd be called men now wouldn't we.
8. Not Funny. Not funny? Well, I admit I am definitely humor challenged, but who cares. Not every person is good at every thing, and to make a blanket judgment of women are not funny is really, just, not funny.
9. A Star-F**ker. Right. How said for the person that dreamt this one up. There is only one man that I want to have sex with, and while he may not be a movie star, he's (usually) a star in my eyes.
10. A Better Liar. Just because men do dumb stuff that they KNOW their woman would not be happy about and then have to lie about it and then get caught does not mean that women are constantly lying. Women are usually more honest than men, but because men lie so much they automatically think women are doing it.
11. Enjoys Cat Calls. Hardly. While I enjoy having a man give me an appreciative look, having a construction worker stop his truck in the middle of the street so he can talk to me as I'm crossing the street is not only embarrassing, but it's creepy.
12. Constantly Looks For Inner-Meaning. You're right. We do. That's because we're not shallow. And because we care.
13. Uses Sex To Manipulate Men. This is probably the most ridiculous one of them all. News flash. Women enjoy sex. We like it a lot. Really. A LOT. Why in the world would we use sex to manipulate men when it's something that, from my experience, we want more than the man does?
So there you have it. I've refuted and disputed these senseless allegations based on the behavior of a select few women and more than likely written by a man who just got dumped. Agree, disagree, I don't care. It's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
It's all about me, yes, it really is!
I've spent the majority of my adult life taking care of others and worrying about everyone else...all the while putting my wants and needs on the back burner. As a mother, of course my children will be taken care of. That should go without saying. But what about the other relationships? Did I really have to make other people happy at the expense of my own happiness?
Take for example a friendship that I retained for the past 16 years, a friendship that I had long since outgrown. The fact is, I'm not the same person that I was in high school. I have different thoughts, different ideas, different values, different goals. I'm an adult. I have responsibilities. I prefer to live my life drama free. I'm a mom. I'm dedicated to my career. I retained a friendship with a woman who I have nothing in common with except the fact that we were best friends in high school. Every conversation we had involved her telling me about all of her problems, her telling me how her life sucks, her telling me how she doesn't have the money for this or for that, yet she would be drunk while speaking to me in the middle of the day...and unemployed. I finally had to wake up and realize that her drama was bringing me down. I had to walk away. She left me a message yesterday telling me that she had to tell me what happened and would I please call her back. I had to resist the urge to call her back, of course I want to be the empathetic person who is there for her friends. Instead, I sent her a text message asking her not to call me anymore, she's not the only person with problems, and frankly I didn't care to listen to her drama anymore.
Another example of me settling for the sake of another's happiness happened in a relationship I was once involved in. This man and I had a lot in common, but they were all surface things. Nothing that we had in common was anything to build a lifetime upon. We got along pretty well, when we weren't fighting that is ha ha. No, we really did get along. We had a lot of fun together, too. But when we would fight, they were horrible fights. Finally one night I was clearheaded enough to realize that the things we were fighting about all boiled down to the same thing...he and I had different values, and neither of us was willing to bend. For a long time I felt like I was settling because I would try to overlook the things that he did (or wanted to do) that went against what I felt was right. It never worked because I wasn't being true to myself. Once I realized this, of course that made it a lot easier to move on.
Lately I've been doing a lot of things for myself, and myself alone. I quit smoking. I started my 401(k). I've been paying down and paying off my credit cards. I've been cooking more. I've been having fun in ways that I want to have fun, and not just doing things because the person or people I'm with want to do them. I'm contributing more to my savings account. I'm taking the kids on vacation next month. I'm eating better. I joined a gym. I'm a much happier person because I've been taking care of me. And you know what? My kids are happier too because they see how happy I am.
When I start to feel that old guilty feeling because I'm not doing what someone wants me to do...I'm going to remind myself that my life is all about me.
Take for example a friendship that I retained for the past 16 years, a friendship that I had long since outgrown. The fact is, I'm not the same person that I was in high school. I have different thoughts, different ideas, different values, different goals. I'm an adult. I have responsibilities. I prefer to live my life drama free. I'm a mom. I'm dedicated to my career. I retained a friendship with a woman who I have nothing in common with except the fact that we were best friends in high school. Every conversation we had involved her telling me about all of her problems, her telling me how her life sucks, her telling me how she doesn't have the money for this or for that, yet she would be drunk while speaking to me in the middle of the day...and unemployed. I finally had to wake up and realize that her drama was bringing me down. I had to walk away. She left me a message yesterday telling me that she had to tell me what happened and would I please call her back. I had to resist the urge to call her back, of course I want to be the empathetic person who is there for her friends. Instead, I sent her a text message asking her not to call me anymore, she's not the only person with problems, and frankly I didn't care to listen to her drama anymore.
Another example of me settling for the sake of another's happiness happened in a relationship I was once involved in. This man and I had a lot in common, but they were all surface things. Nothing that we had in common was anything to build a lifetime upon. We got along pretty well, when we weren't fighting that is ha ha. No, we really did get along. We had a lot of fun together, too. But when we would fight, they were horrible fights. Finally one night I was clearheaded enough to realize that the things we were fighting about all boiled down to the same thing...he and I had different values, and neither of us was willing to bend. For a long time I felt like I was settling because I would try to overlook the things that he did (or wanted to do) that went against what I felt was right. It never worked because I wasn't being true to myself. Once I realized this, of course that made it a lot easier to move on.
Lately I've been doing a lot of things for myself, and myself alone. I quit smoking. I started my 401(k). I've been paying down and paying off my credit cards. I've been cooking more. I've been having fun in ways that I want to have fun, and not just doing things because the person or people I'm with want to do them. I'm contributing more to my savings account. I'm taking the kids on vacation next month. I'm eating better. I joined a gym. I'm a much happier person because I've been taking care of me. And you know what? My kids are happier too because they see how happy I am.
When I start to feel that old guilty feeling because I'm not doing what someone wants me to do...I'm going to remind myself that my life is all about me.
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