Let Me Go

My life was complete
I was happy and full
But I didn't know that your love
Would have such a pull.

We fell hard
And we fell fast
But the distance between us
Made me question if we'd last.

You were my wanderer
My sweet gypsy man
And when my head said "this is impossible"
Your heart said "yes we can".

After months of traveling
I said "I can't do this anymore"
Two weeks later
You were there at my door.

Time went by
And we grew closer still
But little did I know
That I couldn't fit the bill.

There were times of great joy
And times we both were sad
But the fool in me said
The good outweighs the bad.

When you said it was over
I couldn't get past the shock
How could you leave me
I thought you were my rock.

The days turned into weeks
And we just can't get along
I've tried and I've tried
But I guess I'm not that strong.

I can't keep doing this
We're just spinning our wheels
Please just let me be
My heart has to heal.

I love you so much
And this I know you know
But please, baby, please
Just let me go.

I wonder

I sit on our swing and hear the leaves rustle in the wind.

I feel the breeze touch my face and I get a chill.

I close my eyes and I see your handsome face.

I take a breath and remember your scent.

I remember how it feels to be in your arms, hearing the sound of your breathing and the feel of your bare chest on my cheek.

I wonder if you're thinking of me.

I wonder if you're sad, too.

I wonder if you miss me.

I wonder if our love will pull us through this time, and bring us together stronger than ever.

Life of Confusion

Lost and alone
Is how I feel
All these thoughts in my head
I don't know what's real
I feel so confused
And I don't know where I fit in
This feeling of helplessness
I just want it to end
I used to be calm
I was always so secure
Now my thoughts are so jumbled
And all I feel is fear
I don't know how I go on
Day after day
I feel so alone
I can't even pray
I look in the mirror
And I don't like what I see
What have I become?
Is this really me?
Why did I change?
And can I ever go back?
I don't know what to do
Why can't I relax?
I'm constantly on edge.
My nerves are wound so tight.
One minute at a time -
I'm just trying to do what's right.
I want to run away.
I want to break free.
I'm searching for something.
I'm trying to find me.
I need some help,
And I need it now.
I need to find some peace,
But I don't know how.
Help me God.
I'm begging You please.
Help me find what I've lost
And set my mind at ease.
Show me how to fix
The damage to my heart.
I need You to help me
Before I fall apart.
I don't know who I am
Or who I want to be
All I really know
Is that I want to be happy.
But I don't know how to get there
Or what it's going to take.
But something has to change soon
Because I feel like I'm going to break.
I go through the motions
And put on my game face
I pretend to be happy
But I can't find my place.
I feel so alone
Like I don't really belong.
This self-inflicted isolation -
Is it because I'm so headstrong?
Whatever the reason,
I can't go on this way.
This life has to get better.
Maybe it's time I tried to pray.

03-23-2004

An Anguished Wife's Prayer

I cry out to You in agony -
Please God speak to me.
I don't know what to do.
Which direction should I choose?
Please Father help me decide.
Hold my hand and be my Guide.
I thought he was the man for me,
I believed that from the start.
But why am I finding it so hard
To love him with all my heart?
He's the father of my children;
The man I pledged to love.
But lately that's been hard to do
And so I look for guidance from above.
Forgive me Father,
I know I've sinned.
I used to be so strong
Oh why did I have to bend?
My friendships have suffered,
My childred are sad.
And the damage to my marriage
Is pretty bad.
I'm hurting inside
And I know he is too.
Please God help me love him
The way You want me to.
My mind is so confused;
I don't know who I am anymore.
Sometimes all I want to do
Is run out the door.
Run away from it all
Forget about the stress.
I need some clarity in my thoughts
So I can do what's best.
I'm tired of the fighting.
Sick of feeling alone.
He pays me no attention,
But yells when I'm on the phone.
I can never make him happy.
I can never turn him on.
So is it any wonder
That I'm always gone?
The cruel words that he says
Makes me feel very small,
And part of me wants to say
Forget about it all.
But I've never been a quitter
And I don't want to give up without a fight.
So I'm asking You now, Lord
Please show me what is right.
I'm asking You for patience
And for wisdom, too.
It's with desparation in my heart
That I once again turn to You.
Give me guidance, Father
And help me to stay strong.
I just need to know
Where do I belong?

02/24/2004