One of the obstacles with getting re-involved with an ex is that there's a history there. Now, in some (many) aspects that's a really good thing. You're comfortable with each other. You have a deep connection. You already love each other. You know each other's likes and dislikes. The list could go on and on, but I think you get the gist of what I'm saying.
Unfortunately, with the good things in your history there's also the bad (hence the break up to begin with). It's hard to forget some of the things that were done during bad periods to each other. Friends and relatives certainly don't forget. I've also discovered that friends and relatives don't mind butting their noses in where it belongs, or behaving as if THEY are the wounded party (i.e. holding it against the person).
Rebuilding and repairing a relationship is hard, but it can be done. I'm learning to forget about the bad from the past and focus on my good memories. When I get upset with him now, it's about something that has happened now, not something that happened two years ago. At least, I try to. When we have disagreements now, I try to take the lessons that I've learned and apply them to the now. I look at each experience with him as something new, and don't punish him or act leery because of how things went in the past. It's hard to do. And it's really scary. But I do it because I love him.
Most importantly, I don't let other people get in our business. There are people that LOVE to remind me of things from our past. I ignore them. They can't get to me. There are other people still who feel it's their place to chastise me for being with him again. I've found my voice, and my voice is telling them that he's the man I love, and if they can't accept him then I don't want them in my life. Unfortunately, they made me choose. Their loss.
Would it be easier to find someone else and start over? Of course. But that would be settling. I've heard that nothing worth anything comes easy. It's true. But it's worth it. Because though the journey is hard (at times) and frustrating (at times), the love that I'm able to give to this man, and receive from him, outweighs anything else. I get to look at our hands entwined and know that we didn't give up. As each anniversary passes, and each day a new lesson is learned, I get to grow closer to him and he to me.
He's my soul mate and I love him, warts and all.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Though Provoking Quote of the Day
“It’s okay for you to be human. You can make mistakes and you odn’t have to walk around on eggshells or pretend to be a certain way when you’re near me. You don’t have to worry that I’ll freak out every time you disappoint me. I accept the fact that when I’m disappointed, the disappointment is coming from my own thoughts. I have preferences, but won’t allow those preferences to ruin my life. You can have low moods and you even have my permission to be less than perfect. I’m okay even when you’re not okay, and I love you as unconditionally as I know how.”
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff in Love by Richard Carlson, Ph.D. and Kristine Carlson
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if our partner said this to us and if we said this to them? How better would our relationships be if this were the case? Sadly, it's almost never the case. I've learned that the one we claim to love the most is the one we hurt the most. I wonder why it is that we tolerate mistakes from mere acquaintances or strangers, but if our partner screws up we can't forgive. Isn't that backwards? Maybe we all need to make a conscious effort to treat our partner with the love, respect, admiration and tolerance that we want them to treat us with.
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff in Love by Richard Carlson, Ph.D. and Kristine Carlson
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if our partner said this to us and if we said this to them? How better would our relationships be if this were the case? Sadly, it's almost never the case. I've learned that the one we claim to love the most is the one we hurt the most. I wonder why it is that we tolerate mistakes from mere acquaintances or strangers, but if our partner screws up we can't forgive. Isn't that backwards? Maybe we all need to make a conscious effort to treat our partner with the love, respect, admiration and tolerance that we want them to treat us with.
Friday, November 14, 2008
An Open Letter (directed to those who have overstepped their boundaries and a warning to those who plan to)
Dear You People Know Who You Are:
I find it funny that you claim to be my friend and only want what's best for me, but because you disagree with who I love you think that gives you the right to run your mouth.
You can write your blogs, you can send me the texts, you can send me the emails, you can talk behind my back...but it's not going to change my mind. See, I've changed and so has he. And frankly, I couldn't care less what anybody thinks about me, or him. Because I love him. And he loves me. And your petty little criticisms or biting comments only serve to prove to me that you aren't worthy of being in my life. Furthermore, I have many wonderful friends who are anxious to meet him and get to know him, because they know how important he is to me.
Want to talk about friendship? When I told my best friend that he and I are back together, I didn't hear one word of doubt come out of her mouth. All I heard was encouragement. When I call her and ask her for advice, she tells me what I can do different. She's happy because I'm happy. When I sent her some photos that he took of me, she was so impressed that she wanted to see more of his work. When I spoke to her last night and it was brought up, she complimented him again. I believe her exact words were "I can see what you see in him, and I'm happy for you."
He and I spent far too long letting other people's opinions and lies interfere in our relationship, and that's a big reason why we had so many problems in the past. The key words are "in the past". He and I will never make the mistake again of letting an outside person come into our relationship.
If you want to be in my life, you will accept him, or you don't accept me. It's as simple as that.
~J
I find it funny that you claim to be my friend and only want what's best for me, but because you disagree with who I love you think that gives you the right to run your mouth.
You can write your blogs, you can send me the texts, you can send me the emails, you can talk behind my back...but it's not going to change my mind. See, I've changed and so has he. And frankly, I couldn't care less what anybody thinks about me, or him. Because I love him. And he loves me. And your petty little criticisms or biting comments only serve to prove to me that you aren't worthy of being in my life. Furthermore, I have many wonderful friends who are anxious to meet him and get to know him, because they know how important he is to me.
Want to talk about friendship? When I told my best friend that he and I are back together, I didn't hear one word of doubt come out of her mouth. All I heard was encouragement. When I call her and ask her for advice, she tells me what I can do different. She's happy because I'm happy. When I sent her some photos that he took of me, she was so impressed that she wanted to see more of his work. When I spoke to her last night and it was brought up, she complimented him again. I believe her exact words were "I can see what you see in him, and I'm happy for you."
He and I spent far too long letting other people's opinions and lies interfere in our relationship, and that's a big reason why we had so many problems in the past. The key words are "in the past". He and I will never make the mistake again of letting an outside person come into our relationship.
If you want to be in my life, you will accept him, or you don't accept me. It's as simple as that.
~J
Monday, November 10, 2008
List of the Day - Why I'm Happy Today
With my surgery in exactly two weeks, I've become completely and totally stressed out...even more than I normally am. After a jam packed weekend of putting together furniture and scrubbing the baseboards, short tempered outbursts toward anyone who got in my way, and a meltdown on the phone with my BF last night, I decided this morning to focus on the things that make me happy so I don't drive everyone in my life crazy during the next two weeks.
1. Angel Girl brought her grades up. Good for her. That means that I won't find any F's on her report card this grading period.
2. T-Man was my helper all weekend. I drug him shopping Saturday and Sunday. We had furniture laid out on the floor much of the weekend, the living room was in disarray, and I had him helping me move furniture and hand me tools all weekend. He was a great sport, and a great helper.
3. My BF let me have a meltdown on the phone last night and didn't try to shut me up or force me to quit crying. I know I was being completely emotional. I know I'm freaking out and he knows I'm freaking out and when I freak out about one thing I freak out about everything. I'm grateful that he LISTENED to me.
4. I finally got to eat my leftover salmon for lunch. I know it's silly, but my BF cooked dinner for us the other night, and I've been looking forward to the leftovers ever since, and today I finally got to eat them. Yes, they were super yummy.
5. My attorneys are going to be taken care of the week that I'm out. This was a huge worry for me. All 3 of them really depend on me, and it seems like over the past four months they've been depending on me even more and giving me a lot more responsibility, and leaving them in the hands of someone else for a week has had me completely stressed out. I talk to one of the powers that be, and she gave me an extension for one of the deadlines for them until I'm back in the office. That's a huge thing because now they don't have to worry about someone else doing that project and complaining or screwing it up.
Ok, those are the 5 things that make me happy today. I'm still totally emotional and completely overwhelmed, but I get to see My Vics this weekend. In two weeks I'll have to rely on my BF and my friends, and that's going to be hard for me because I'm used to doing things my way, myself. But it'll be ok. Things will fall into place. Maybe I'll learn to relax and then won't be so high strung. Or at least I'll be able to enjoy the company of those that I love.
1. Angel Girl brought her grades up. Good for her. That means that I won't find any F's on her report card this grading period.
2. T-Man was my helper all weekend. I drug him shopping Saturday and Sunday. We had furniture laid out on the floor much of the weekend, the living room was in disarray, and I had him helping me move furniture and hand me tools all weekend. He was a great sport, and a great helper.
3. My BF let me have a meltdown on the phone last night and didn't try to shut me up or force me to quit crying. I know I was being completely emotional. I know I'm freaking out and he knows I'm freaking out and when I freak out about one thing I freak out about everything. I'm grateful that he LISTENED to me.
4. I finally got to eat my leftover salmon for lunch. I know it's silly, but my BF cooked dinner for us the other night, and I've been looking forward to the leftovers ever since, and today I finally got to eat them. Yes, they were super yummy.
5. My attorneys are going to be taken care of the week that I'm out. This was a huge worry for me. All 3 of them really depend on me, and it seems like over the past four months they've been depending on me even more and giving me a lot more responsibility, and leaving them in the hands of someone else for a week has had me completely stressed out. I talk to one of the powers that be, and she gave me an extension for one of the deadlines for them until I'm back in the office. That's a huge thing because now they don't have to worry about someone else doing that project and complaining or screwing it up.
Ok, those are the 5 things that make me happy today. I'm still totally emotional and completely overwhelmed, but I get to see My Vics this weekend. In two weeks I'll have to rely on my BF and my friends, and that's going to be hard for me because I'm used to doing things my way, myself. But it'll be ok. Things will fall into place. Maybe I'll learn to relax and then won't be so high strung. Or at least I'll be able to enjoy the company of those that I love.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
My voting experience
Today’s the day. I voted. Now, I haven’t voted in 8 years. If you know me, then you know WHY I haven’t voted in 8 years. But that’s a story for another day. The funny thing is, when I used to vote, 8 years ago and beyond, I was a Republican. Hee hee hee…I know, it’s funny!
First, some background. 8 ½ years ago when I got my driver's license changed to my married name, I was still in the accounting field. I had no reason to sign my name any other way but legibly. So let’s fast forward a bit to about 3 years ago, January of 2006. I had had it with suburban work life, I had had it with small minded suburbanites, I had had it with not being surrounded by culture, T-Man was going to start kindergarten that year, and I wanted to go back downtown. So I sent out my resume, immediately got contacted by a sole practioner attorney who was in the heart of the Loop. He also did strictly litigation, and I became his litigation paralegal. What a huge leap from an accounting clerk huh. Anyway, this attorney of mine did business one way and one way only: the best defense is a great offense. And go on the offense he did. I loved it. It was perfect. Unfortunately, opposing counsel oftentimes didn’t like his defensive offense, and his previous paralegals had their deps noticed up many times. Yea. I wasn’t going to have that happen to me, so I learned to sign my name very, ummm, illegibly. There was no way anyone was going to be able to figure out my name to notice up my dep. Not in this lifetime!
So…today. I go to vote. I get there at about 7:10, figuring oh the lines are never long, I’ll have plenty of time to stop at DD and still make my early train. Hee hee, I’m so silly! The line was out the door!!! And to make matters worse, they had three different precincts at my voting place! Luckily I got in the line closest to me, which happened to be the correct line for my precinct, because can you imagine the people who got in the wrong line and then had to wait in line twice? That would have sucked! And I saw that happen, too. I get up to the table and lady number one finds my sheet and has me sign my name. Well, because she had folded it I didn’t see that it had my signature already preprinted on the form, so I just signed my name the way I usually sign it…with a J and 2 loops. I get to lady number two, and she tells me that my signatures don’t match. Of course they don’t match, I haven’t had to resign my driver’s license in 8 years and that’s the signature they have for me on file! Then she asks for my driver’s license because my voter ID card wasn’t good enough, and she wanted to compare signatures. Well, the picture on my license is 8 years old. The signature is 8 years old. So it was just silly. And I was holding up the line. Anyway, that fiasco was momentarily taken care of. I say momentarily because mark my words, if there is an election dispute, I can practically guarantee that my name will get lumped as one of the ballots being disputed (trust me, I used to do election law, we’ve disputed many elections and I know the process). Blah.
Well, at least I voted. Oh, and what’s cool, I knew the names of the Judges on the ballot and I actually was an informed voter when I made my choice on whether to keep them or not. That was pretty cool. It was also pretty cool to see that Senator Donne E. Trotter was up for reelection. He’s friends with one of my best friends, Cindi Pallick so I had to pleasure of meeting him a few times.
And that’s that. Pam is running for mayor next year, but I don’t live in that town so I won’t be voting. I’m also to busy nowadays to work on any campaigns anymore. Besides, I left politics behind three years ago, and don’t really have the desire to get involved anymore beyond going to fundraisers when I have a chance.
So….happy election day!
First, some background. 8 ½ years ago when I got my driver's license changed to my married name, I was still in the accounting field. I had no reason to sign my name any other way but legibly. So let’s fast forward a bit to about 3 years ago, January of 2006. I had had it with suburban work life, I had had it with small minded suburbanites, I had had it with not being surrounded by culture, T-Man was going to start kindergarten that year, and I wanted to go back downtown. So I sent out my resume, immediately got contacted by a sole practioner attorney who was in the heart of the Loop. He also did strictly litigation, and I became his litigation paralegal. What a huge leap from an accounting clerk huh. Anyway, this attorney of mine did business one way and one way only: the best defense is a great offense. And go on the offense he did. I loved it. It was perfect. Unfortunately, opposing counsel oftentimes didn’t like his defensive offense, and his previous paralegals had their deps noticed up many times. Yea. I wasn’t going to have that happen to me, so I learned to sign my name very, ummm, illegibly. There was no way anyone was going to be able to figure out my name to notice up my dep. Not in this lifetime!
So…today. I go to vote. I get there at about 7:10, figuring oh the lines are never long, I’ll have plenty of time to stop at DD and still make my early train. Hee hee, I’m so silly! The line was out the door!!! And to make matters worse, they had three different precincts at my voting place! Luckily I got in the line closest to me, which happened to be the correct line for my precinct, because can you imagine the people who got in the wrong line and then had to wait in line twice? That would have sucked! And I saw that happen, too. I get up to the table and lady number one finds my sheet and has me sign my name. Well, because she had folded it I didn’t see that it had my signature already preprinted on the form, so I just signed my name the way I usually sign it…with a J and 2 loops. I get to lady number two, and she tells me that my signatures don’t match. Of course they don’t match, I haven’t had to resign my driver’s license in 8 years and that’s the signature they have for me on file! Then she asks for my driver’s license because my voter ID card wasn’t good enough, and she wanted to compare signatures. Well, the picture on my license is 8 years old. The signature is 8 years old. So it was just silly. And I was holding up the line. Anyway, that fiasco was momentarily taken care of. I say momentarily because mark my words, if there is an election dispute, I can practically guarantee that my name will get lumped as one of the ballots being disputed (trust me, I used to do election law, we’ve disputed many elections and I know the process). Blah.
Well, at least I voted. Oh, and what’s cool, I knew the names of the Judges on the ballot and I actually was an informed voter when I made my choice on whether to keep them or not. That was pretty cool. It was also pretty cool to see that Senator Donne E. Trotter was up for reelection. He’s friends with one of my best friends, Cindi Pallick so I had to pleasure of meeting him a few times.
And that’s that. Pam is running for mayor next year, but I don’t live in that town so I won’t be voting. I’m also to busy nowadays to work on any campaigns anymore. Besides, I left politics behind three years ago, and don’t really have the desire to get involved anymore beyond going to fundraisers when I have a chance.
So….happy election day!
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