I can't wait for this election to be over. I'm sick of opening up my Reader and finding about 200 blogs all written about the candidates. I'm sick of hearing people who claim they aren't racist bash Barack Obama in a back-handed racist manner (i.e. ...well, if Barack wins all the black people will riot). I'm sick of hearing people talk about abortion. I'm sick of being talked down to, or insulted, because I say that the government or the Church shouldn't have the right to tell us what to do with our bodies (i.e. ...oh, that's such a liberal statement). I just want to vote, find out who the president is going to be, and then get on with my life.
*************************************************************************************
Speaking of politics, which I hate, Pam Cap is having her Halloween Costume Party tonight. I'm so excited! I love playing dress up! Oh, and Barrack Obama will be right down the street from my house tonight for a rally. I have to tell you, once I found that out it was a huge dilemma for me to decide if I wanted to go to the costume party or experience this once in a lifetime opportunity. I chose the costume party, but I'm debating stopping off there before I go. We'll see.
*************************************************************************************
I wonder if it's possible to have physical withdrawal from an emotional addiction. Sunday I gave something up, and ever since Monday I've been feeling out of sorts. I walk around with anxiety in my stomach, it's hard to breathe, I can't sleep, I'm not sad but I feel so listless. It's actually very reminiscent of all the times I quit smoking, only without the crabbiness.
*************************************************************************************
Two more weeks and I'm flying to St. Louis to spend the weekend with my best friend. Oh I can't wait. I can't believe I haven't been down to see her in so many months. I'm planning on doing one or two photo shoots while I'm there and she'll will be coming with me, so that's awesome. The only thing that I'm kind of bummed about is that Mike will be out of town that weekend so I won't get to spend any time him. I suppose that's a good thing, though. If he were in town, I'd spend every night with him and miss out on the silly drunken pajama dancing that My Vics and I are known for!
*************************************************************************************
My final pre-surgery appointment with the plastic surgeon is on Thursday. I just transferred the balance of what I owe him into my checking account. I got my hoop taken out of my cartilage and replaced with a barbell so I can easily remove it prior to surgery. I've made the list of people for Carla to call once I come out of surgery. As much as I've talked about it and as much as I've scheduled around it, it is finally becoming real to me. I'm starting to get nervous, too. I'm sure everything will be wonderful, it's just becoming very real to me that I'm doing this all on my own, with no boyfriend or husband, and that is weird to me. Old habits and thought patterns die hard I guess.
Happy Halloween everybody!
Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
What do you do when you don’t believe in anything?
I used to believe in the God of the Bible. I wasn’t a Bible thumper (fundamentalist), but I was peaceful. I had faith. I BELIEVED in something. My faith didn’t waiver, and I knew that whatever I was faced with, God would bring me through. I didn’t believe in coincidence. I believed that every person that was in my life was there for a reason. I believed that everything that happened in my life happened for a reason. I was filled with love and I was filled with faith, and I was happy.
And then I stopped believing…in anything. I stopped believing in God. I lost my faith in anything and everything. And I certainly didn’t believe in the healing power of love anymore. And right now, I’m so disgusted with people who talk about God, people who talk about love, people who talk about having faith, I just don’t want to deal with it anymore.
I got into it with a crazy woman the other night. She’s sitting there screaming at me in front of my 8-year-old son, hurling insults and false accusations and throwing the topic that she needs to keep out of her mouth in my face…this all came about because I hung up on her because I didn’t want to hear what she had to say….I’m sitting there, very calmly, on the phone with her son saying “your mother’s drunk again…she won’t close my car door and if I start to drive she’ll accuse me of trying to run her over….she won’t be quiet…T-man is right here….”. The woman wouldn’t stop. I mean, it got to where I finally had to take my i-pod and put the headphones in T-man’s ears so he wouldn’t hear her insane rants. And the best part? She looks at me and says…”God is going to punish you.” I couldn’t help myself, I burst out laughing. She thinks she has a “get out of hell” card and so that gives her the right to act like a maniac, and then tell ME that God is going to punish me? Well, thank goodness I don’t believe in HER God.
I used to have FAITH. I used to believe in LOVE. I used to believe in GOD. When someone says they LOVE you and then turns around and acts like a devil, how is that love? When it happens over and over and over again, how can you have FAITH? And when the GOD that you grew up believing in and loving just bails on you….in addition to all the nutcases that bomb abortion clinics or crash into buildings or tell you you’re going to burn in hell because you’re not like them…all in the name of God or Allah or whatever the hell they want to call him, well, can anyone blame me for not believing in God anymore?
Remember when you were a little kid and were learning about the rapture in Sunday School and seeing the movies about the rapture during Sunday night services? Did you ever come home and your parents weren’t home and your brother was gone….and get scared half to death thinking that the rapture happened and you weren’t taken? It’s pretty fucked up when one has to use threats and intimidation to get others to join them, and it’s especially fucked up when it’s directed toward children.
So now that I no longer believe in God or have faith (in anything) or believe in the power of love, what do I do?
And then I stopped believing…in anything. I stopped believing in God. I lost my faith in anything and everything. And I certainly didn’t believe in the healing power of love anymore. And right now, I’m so disgusted with people who talk about God, people who talk about love, people who talk about having faith, I just don’t want to deal with it anymore.
I got into it with a crazy woman the other night. She’s sitting there screaming at me in front of my 8-year-old son, hurling insults and false accusations and throwing the topic that she needs to keep out of her mouth in my face…this all came about because I hung up on her because I didn’t want to hear what she had to say….I’m sitting there, very calmly, on the phone with her son saying “your mother’s drunk again…she won’t close my car door and if I start to drive she’ll accuse me of trying to run her over….she won’t be quiet…T-man is right here….”. The woman wouldn’t stop. I mean, it got to where I finally had to take my i-pod and put the headphones in T-man’s ears so he wouldn’t hear her insane rants. And the best part? She looks at me and says…”God is going to punish you.” I couldn’t help myself, I burst out laughing. She thinks she has a “get out of hell” card and so that gives her the right to act like a maniac, and then tell ME that God is going to punish me? Well, thank goodness I don’t believe in HER God.
I used to have FAITH. I used to believe in LOVE. I used to believe in GOD. When someone says they LOVE you and then turns around and acts like a devil, how is that love? When it happens over and over and over again, how can you have FAITH? And when the GOD that you grew up believing in and loving just bails on you….in addition to all the nutcases that bomb abortion clinics or crash into buildings or tell you you’re going to burn in hell because you’re not like them…all in the name of God or Allah or whatever the hell they want to call him, well, can anyone blame me for not believing in God anymore?
Remember when you were a little kid and were learning about the rapture in Sunday School and seeing the movies about the rapture during Sunday night services? Did you ever come home and your parents weren’t home and your brother was gone….and get scared half to death thinking that the rapture happened and you weren’t taken? It’s pretty fucked up when one has to use threats and intimidation to get others to join them, and it’s especially fucked up when it’s directed toward children.
So now that I no longer believe in God or have faith (in anything) or believe in the power of love, what do I do?
Friday, October 24, 2008
Status of My Journey….Day Two
I often embark on these paths of self-improvement. I think it’s important to take an inventory of yourself and see what you can improve on. We’re constantly changing and what may have worked for us in the past may not work for us now. I can quite honestly say that this journey that I’ve begun is one that has me pretty scared. I’m afraid not only of failing, but I’m afraid that I’m going to give away my power yet again. Part of me is afraid that I’m going to lose myself and turn into a woman that the One I love isn’t going to want (ha, how’s that going to be different than now, right). Most importantly, I’m afraid that I won’t be able to find balance. I’m a bit manic (i.e. totally intense), and happy mediums aren’t something that I’m familiar with. I’m usually at one extreme or the other. So this is really going to be tough in a lot of ways, but I’m not one who lets fear hold her back.
My inspiration for this journey is the One that I love. While he is not my reason for the change in myself that I’m trying to bring about, he is my inspiration. Since the Breakup, I’ve kept myself insanely busy with my kids, my career, my friends, photoshoots and the gym. For some reason I could not fall asleep the other night, and once I finally did, I was, as is usual, tortured with dreams of Him. I woke up at around 2 a.m. and laid awake for 3 hours, tossing and turning in my bed and in my mind. That night I was more tortured than usual, as an image of his face from something I said to him while we were in Pittsburgh, almost two years ago, kept replaying through my mind. I don’t know if it was the lack of sleep or the image in my brain or if it was just the moment that I finally learned this particular lesson that the Universe had been trying to teach me, but that’s when I decided I can’t do it like that anymore.
Last night I was talking to the Angel Girl, mom to not-a-girl-but-not-yet-a-woman, and I explained to her where I’m at, the decision that I made, and how badly I hurt the One that I love. I told her how it started all those years ago, when my visions of fairytales and happily after evers were interrupted by a cheating boyfriend, and that since that time, when I was not too much older than she is now, I learned to hate males and to do what it takes to protect myself. I told her about the One that I love, and shared some things that she didn’t know. I think it’s important to say that she no longer looks at him as a monster who hurt her mom beyond repair, and while I didn’t excuse any of the things that he and I put each other through this past year, I did make it clear how badly I hurt the One who only wanted to love me in the beginning. I sat there with tears in my eyes, telling her how I don’t want her to wait until she’s 33 to learn this lesson, and that she needs to try so hard not to lump all males into the same box, and to look at each person as an individual, and not to punish all future males because of the hurt that was caused by one in her past. I very honestly told her how I’m learning to change because it’s what I need to do for me, but also that I have hopes of winning the love of the One that I love back, and to somehow gain his forgiveness and TRUST again.
Life still goes on, you know, and looking at me no one would know what goes on in my head. One could think that I’m pretty shallow, but when I think, I think deeply. When I feel, I feel strongly. And while I’m hoping that it’s not too late to save and reignite the most beautiful love that He and I have ever known, whatever happens I’m going to stop hating, and hurting, men.
My inspiration for this journey is the One that I love. While he is not my reason for the change in myself that I’m trying to bring about, he is my inspiration. Since the Breakup, I’ve kept myself insanely busy with my kids, my career, my friends, photoshoots and the gym. For some reason I could not fall asleep the other night, and once I finally did, I was, as is usual, tortured with dreams of Him. I woke up at around 2 a.m. and laid awake for 3 hours, tossing and turning in my bed and in my mind. That night I was more tortured than usual, as an image of his face from something I said to him while we were in Pittsburgh, almost two years ago, kept replaying through my mind. I don’t know if it was the lack of sleep or the image in my brain or if it was just the moment that I finally learned this particular lesson that the Universe had been trying to teach me, but that’s when I decided I can’t do it like that anymore.
Last night I was talking to the Angel Girl, mom to not-a-girl-but-not-yet-a-woman, and I explained to her where I’m at, the decision that I made, and how badly I hurt the One that I love. I told her how it started all those years ago, when my visions of fairytales and happily after evers were interrupted by a cheating boyfriend, and that since that time, when I was not too much older than she is now, I learned to hate males and to do what it takes to protect myself. I told her about the One that I love, and shared some things that she didn’t know. I think it’s important to say that she no longer looks at him as a monster who hurt her mom beyond repair, and while I didn’t excuse any of the things that he and I put each other through this past year, I did make it clear how badly I hurt the One who only wanted to love me in the beginning. I sat there with tears in my eyes, telling her how I don’t want her to wait until she’s 33 to learn this lesson, and that she needs to try so hard not to lump all males into the same box, and to look at each person as an individual, and not to punish all future males because of the hurt that was caused by one in her past. I very honestly told her how I’m learning to change because it’s what I need to do for me, but also that I have hopes of winning the love of the One that I love back, and to somehow gain his forgiveness and TRUST again.
Life still goes on, you know, and looking at me no one would know what goes on in my head. One could think that I’m pretty shallow, but when I think, I think deeply. When I feel, I feel strongly. And while I’m hoping that it’s not too late to save and reignite the most beautiful love that He and I have ever known, whatever happens I’m going to stop hating, and hurting, men.
Totally Random Friday
It’s raining. I was in such a peaceful happy mood this morning…I thought it would be nice to be kissed in the rain. Didn’t happen this morning, but maybe sometime soon as our rainy season is here.
The Angel Girl brought here grades up and is no longer suspended from cheerleading. Yay for her…I’m totally proud of her. Of course, she is STILL grounded…
T-Man is a riot. Last night the Angel Girl and I were sitting on the couch sharing a can of frosting, but we didn’t want to share with T-Man, so every time he walked in the room we put pillows in from of our faces and started giggling. He started giggling too and the Angel Girl said, in typical big sister fashion “You don’t even know what we’re laughing about.” His reply? “Uh huh….FROSTING!!!” Of course, that just made the Angel Girl and I completely dissolve into laughter.
I’ve been collaborating with a photog and I can say that this is one shoot where my artistic side is completely coming out. I was perusing the works of Helmut Newton (link is NOT work safe) one day and was inspired…it just so happens that this photog that I’m collaborating with is totally getting my vision..so I’m excited!
It’s Friday. I’m thinking of doing the pumpkin patch tomorrow…I failed last year as mommy in that regard, and T-Man isn’t going to be that into stuff like that for too many more years….now to find one that’s cool and easily accessible!
That’s it…my randomness for the day. Happy Friday everyone ;-)
The Angel Girl brought here grades up and is no longer suspended from cheerleading. Yay for her…I’m totally proud of her. Of course, she is STILL grounded…
T-Man is a riot. Last night the Angel Girl and I were sitting on the couch sharing a can of frosting, but we didn’t want to share with T-Man, so every time he walked in the room we put pillows in from of our faces and started giggling. He started giggling too and the Angel Girl said, in typical big sister fashion “You don’t even know what we’re laughing about.” His reply? “Uh huh….FROSTING!!!” Of course, that just made the Angel Girl and I completely dissolve into laughter.
I’ve been collaborating with a photog and I can say that this is one shoot where my artistic side is completely coming out. I was perusing the works of Helmut Newton (link is NOT work safe) one day and was inspired…it just so happens that this photog that I’m collaborating with is totally getting my vision..so I’m excited!
It’s Friday. I’m thinking of doing the pumpkin patch tomorrow…I failed last year as mommy in that regard, and T-Man isn’t going to be that into stuff like that for too many more years….now to find one that’s cool and easily accessible!
That’s it…my randomness for the day. Happy Friday everyone ;-)
Thursday, October 23, 2008
I am a vampire
I read this blog today and it brought tears to my eyes. See, I recognized myself in this woman, but unlike her, whenever someone tried to tell me about it, I tuned them out. Because of it, I turned my prince into a frog, and he looks at me like I’m a vampire.
I grew up learning the lesson of “everyone you love will leave you, so leave them first”. Oh and I learned that lesson well. We can delve into my psyche and say that I had abandonment issues because my parents got divorced or my mom kicked me out or whatever, but as an adult I have to say that what began as a defense mechanism while I was young has turned into I’m just a fucking bitch now that I’m older.
I had my prince. He was the most amazing man I’ve ever met, and regardless of what has happened between us, he is still the most amazing man I’ve met. All he wanted to do was love me, and that scared the hell out of me. So I pushed him away. Literally. I didn’t want anything from him. I would tell him regularly that I chose to be with him, and basically that he wasn’t shit and he should be honored that I was with him. Oh I was a bitch. I’ll even go so far as to say I was THE “C” WORD to this man. Want to talk about damage? I damaged this man. I would complain about someone I know who would emasculate her man, but I was doing the same thing to my man. Can I blame him for having had enough and turning the tides on me?
The awakening that I had wasn’t like a slap in the head, it was more of a gradual realization of the way that I treat men. Funny, I’ve never had a problem attracting a man. But when we’re done, I’ve usually ended up hurting them so badly that they hate me. I ran into one of my exes a couple weeks ago at the bar. We were sitting there talking and he was telling me all about his girlfriend and what’s going on in his life, and during a pause in the conversation, I looked at him and said “I’m sorry for what I put you through”. A little while later he came up to me and said “for what it’s worth, thank you for apologizing”. I think that was when this self-realization of what a man-hater I had become really started.
Look, life doesn’t have to be this way. I am still in love with my ex, unconditionally. We’ve hurt each other so badly and so much damage has been done to us, by us, that I have no idea if we can even get past it. To be honest, part of me wants to and the other part of me is too afraid to. Because if I have to stop being a man-hater, and I have to start embracing my femininity, then that means that I’m giving up some control and leaving things to the Universe. And that scares the hell out of me. But I can’t go on punishing men because my parents got divorced. I can’t go pushing them away trying to make them leave me just so I can say AHA. I don’t always have to be right and I don’t always have to have the last word (and oh gawd is that a HUGE thing for me).
And so, for me, the journey begins today.
I grew up learning the lesson of “everyone you love will leave you, so leave them first”. Oh and I learned that lesson well. We can delve into my psyche and say that I had abandonment issues because my parents got divorced or my mom kicked me out or whatever, but as an adult I have to say that what began as a defense mechanism while I was young has turned into I’m just a fucking bitch now that I’m older.
I had my prince. He was the most amazing man I’ve ever met, and regardless of what has happened between us, he is still the most amazing man I’ve met. All he wanted to do was love me, and that scared the hell out of me. So I pushed him away. Literally. I didn’t want anything from him. I would tell him regularly that I chose to be with him, and basically that he wasn’t shit and he should be honored that I was with him. Oh I was a bitch. I’ll even go so far as to say I was THE “C” WORD to this man. Want to talk about damage? I damaged this man. I would complain about someone I know who would emasculate her man, but I was doing the same thing to my man. Can I blame him for having had enough and turning the tides on me?
The awakening that I had wasn’t like a slap in the head, it was more of a gradual realization of the way that I treat men. Funny, I’ve never had a problem attracting a man. But when we’re done, I’ve usually ended up hurting them so badly that they hate me. I ran into one of my exes a couple weeks ago at the bar. We were sitting there talking and he was telling me all about his girlfriend and what’s going on in his life, and during a pause in the conversation, I looked at him and said “I’m sorry for what I put you through”. A little while later he came up to me and said “for what it’s worth, thank you for apologizing”. I think that was when this self-realization of what a man-hater I had become really started.
Look, life doesn’t have to be this way. I am still in love with my ex, unconditionally. We’ve hurt each other so badly and so much damage has been done to us, by us, that I have no idea if we can even get past it. To be honest, part of me wants to and the other part of me is too afraid to. Because if I have to stop being a man-hater, and I have to start embracing my femininity, then that means that I’m giving up some control and leaving things to the Universe. And that scares the hell out of me. But I can’t go on punishing men because my parents got divorced. I can’t go pushing them away trying to make them leave me just so I can say AHA. I don’t always have to be right and I don’t always have to have the last word (and oh gawd is that a HUGE thing for me).
And so, for me, the journey begins today.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Song of the Day - Human (The Killers)
I did my best to notice
When the call came down the line
Up to the platform of surrender
I was brought but I was kind
And sometimes I get nervous
When I see an open door
Close your eyes
Clear your heart...
Cut the cord
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answer
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
Pay my respects to grace and virtue
Send my condolences to good
Give my regards to soul and romance,
They always did the best they could
And so long to devotion
You taught me everything I know
Wave goodbye
Wish me well..
You've got to let me go
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answers
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
Will your system be alright
When you dream of home tonight?
There is no message we're receiving
Let me know is your heart still beating
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answers
You got to let me know
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answers
Are we human
Or are we dancer?
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
Are we human
Or are we dancer?
Questions running through my mind…randomized
1. Why is it that when a woman tells a man how she feels, he accuses her of being psycho? Do they think that will stop us from telling them how we feel? Or does it make them feel better to attack our mental health when we call them on the carpet for something?
2. Why is it that when a homeless person asks you for money so they can buy food, and you tell them you don’t have any money but you’ll gladly share your food with them, they ask you what kind of food you have and if it’s something they don’t like they turn it down? If someone is starving, wouldn’t they be grateful for any type of nourishment they can get?
3. Why is it that people get on an uncrowded elevator, push the button for one of the top floors, and then stand in the middle by the front? Why can’t they move to the back if their stop is last? Or why can’t they get off the elevator so the people needing to get off don’t miss their floor? And why do they look at you like you’re crazy when you say excuse me please?
4. How can someone love another so deeply and then decide that they give up and don’t want to work on repairing whatever part of the relationship needs repaired? Does that mean that they never loved the person to begin with? Don’t relationships take work no matter how much the people love each other?
5. Why would a woman say to a man “I love you with my head”? Does that mean that she doesn’t love him with her heart? Is it possible to love someone with your head and not your heart?
6. Why do men shower a woman with compliments and attention and affection, and then she sleeps with him and he tells her he just wants to be friends or ignores her? Don’t men realize that if they’re honest with a woman and tell them beforehand what they want, they’re more likely to reap better benefits?
7. Why are women so catty to each other? Why do we compete with each other? Why can’t we respect the sisterhood? Why do we say we respect other women but then in the next breath say something demeaning about another woman?
8. Why is there no happy medium when it comes to sexuality? Why is it that people are either completely repressed, or completely flamboyant and deviant? Can’t people just have a healthy sex life without being creepy about it?
9. Why do people try to put a time limit on healing from a broken heart? How can they sit there and say that someone should be over it by now and dating someone else?
10. Why are we the cruelest to the people that we love? Don’t we understand that criticism and mean words and indifference hurts those we love more than anything else?
2. Why is it that when a homeless person asks you for money so they can buy food, and you tell them you don’t have any money but you’ll gladly share your food with them, they ask you what kind of food you have and if it’s something they don’t like they turn it down? If someone is starving, wouldn’t they be grateful for any type of nourishment they can get?
3. Why is it that people get on an uncrowded elevator, push the button for one of the top floors, and then stand in the middle by the front? Why can’t they move to the back if their stop is last? Or why can’t they get off the elevator so the people needing to get off don’t miss their floor? And why do they look at you like you’re crazy when you say excuse me please?
4. How can someone love another so deeply and then decide that they give up and don’t want to work on repairing whatever part of the relationship needs repaired? Does that mean that they never loved the person to begin with? Don’t relationships take work no matter how much the people love each other?
5. Why would a woman say to a man “I love you with my head”? Does that mean that she doesn’t love him with her heart? Is it possible to love someone with your head and not your heart?
6. Why do men shower a woman with compliments and attention and affection, and then she sleeps with him and he tells her he just wants to be friends or ignores her? Don’t men realize that if they’re honest with a woman and tell them beforehand what they want, they’re more likely to reap better benefits?
7. Why are women so catty to each other? Why do we compete with each other? Why can’t we respect the sisterhood? Why do we say we respect other women but then in the next breath say something demeaning about another woman?
8. Why is there no happy medium when it comes to sexuality? Why is it that people are either completely repressed, or completely flamboyant and deviant? Can’t people just have a healthy sex life without being creepy about it?
9. Why do people try to put a time limit on healing from a broken heart? How can they sit there and say that someone should be over it by now and dating someone else?
10. Why are we the cruelest to the people that we love? Don’t we understand that criticism and mean words and indifference hurts those we love more than anything else?
Monday, October 20, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
and Nickelback does it again....
Will this one have meaning for us too?
Gotta Be Someobody
This time I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life
The one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I´ll be waiting for the real thing.
I know it by the feeling.
The moment when we´re meeting
We'll play out like a scene straight off the silver screen
So I`ll be holdin’ my breath
Right up to the end
Until that moment when
I find the one that I spend forever with
`Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There`s gotta be somebody for me like that.
`Cause nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere.
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
Tonight out on the street out in the moonlight
And damn it this feels too right
It´s just like Déjà Vu
Me standin’ here with you
So I´ll be holdin`my breath
Could this be the end?
Is it that moment when
I find the one that I spend forever with?
‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There´s gotta be somebody for me like that.
`Cause nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
You can´t give up!
When you're lookin´ for that diamond in the rough
Because you never know when it shows up
Make sure you´re holdin` on
‘Cause it could be the one, the one you´re waiting on
‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There has gotta be somebody for me
Ohhhhhh.
Nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
Nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There has gotta be somebody for me out there.
Gotta Be Someobody
This time I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life
The one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I´ll be waiting for the real thing.
I know it by the feeling.
The moment when we´re meeting
We'll play out like a scene straight off the silver screen
So I`ll be holdin’ my breath
Right up to the end
Until that moment when
I find the one that I spend forever with
`Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There`s gotta be somebody for me like that.
`Cause nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere.
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
Tonight out on the street out in the moonlight
And damn it this feels too right
It´s just like Déjà Vu
Me standin’ here with you
So I´ll be holdin`my breath
Could this be the end?
Is it that moment when
I find the one that I spend forever with?
‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There´s gotta be somebody for me like that.
`Cause nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
You can´t give up!
When you're lookin´ for that diamond in the rough
Because you never know when it shows up
Make sure you´re holdin` on
‘Cause it could be the one, the one you´re waiting on
‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There has gotta be somebody for me
Ohhhhhh.
Nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
Nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There has gotta be somebody for me out there.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
A little bit of everything…including my “why I’m afraid to date” rant
It’s funny how since The Breakup I’ve been keeping myself insanely busy. At first it was because I had stopped doing the things I wanted to do, and when I suddenly found myself with a whole bunch of free time, I went a bit buck-wild. After the first couple weeks the numbness wore off and I continued to stay busy in order to not think of Him or feel the pain. We’ve been broken up for two months, and tomorrow will be the one month anniversary of when I sold my soul to the devil, and as I sit here reflecting on the different feelings I have regarding the situation, I think it’s time I stop running and just deal with it.
After two months of out of sight, I spent the other night with Him. Foolish? No. I think it was what I needed to do. Of course, ask any one of my boys (and a couple of my gf’s) and they will say I’m an idiot. But who listens to them anyway…I’m a stubborn Irish lass with a mind of her own! Sometimes I sit back and take note of all the things going on in my life right now, and I realize I’m not the same woman who fell in love with Him. The other night made me realize…Christ almighty…I can let Him go. We don’t work. And it’s not because we don’t want to work. Of course we love one another. Of course we feel comfortable with one another. Of course we have amazing, err, conversations with one another. But Him and I, we come from different worlds. So in my own gentle way, I told him goodbye yesterday.
But oh goodness I really don’t want to date. I mean, I DO want to date, but I honestly hate the process. It’s fun getting to know a person, but what sucks is weeding out the losers. Sucks sucks sucks. I know I am a difficult person to be in a relationship with. I mean, I seriously am so full of contradictions that it will take a VERY strong man to be with me. For instance…..I’m a tree hugging do-gooder liberal feminist. I’m also a label whore. I model nude. I love shoes and shopping. I like to wear wild eyeshadow colors. I don't have a specific genre of dress because I like to wear everything...and nothing. Sometimes I want to hit the bars, sometimes I want to stay home. I love football. I love to cook. I’m not a Christian and I’m not a Wiccan…I take a little bit from everything and apply it to my life…essentially I’m the creator of my own spiritual path. I read Tarot cards. I shop at the Christian bookstore and at the Occult Bookstore. I love all things Celtic. I want to travel. I want to be rich. I don’t pay too much attention to politics, but damn you if you’re going to tell me what to do to my body or with my life I’ll fight you to the death. I’m loyal…get it…I DON’T CHEAT. But if you cheat on me, or are suspected of cheating on me, or are accused of cheating on me….I’ll never forgive you…or forget. I’m emotional always and rarely logical or rational. I live my life based on my feelings or emotions or intuition. I truly march to the beat of my own drum. And most men can’t handle me. They fall in love with my vivacious personality and my free spirit, and then they get insecure and try to control me.
So why am I afraid to date? Because I lead with my heart. I want to be jaded and have up my defenses and guards and walls, but it goes against my nature so I can’t. And I just don’t want to get hurt or have my spirit crushed. I don’t want someone to say fuck you to me or call me a cunt or laugh at me because I say I’m going to take ballet lessons. I don’t want someone to criticize me or manipulate me into feeling insecure or look at me like I’m stupid because I don’t understand the economy or really care to. When I say I want to pay off my debt and retire to Ireland and grow/raise my own food, I don’t want to be laughed at. Encourage me. Support me. I don’t care if you agree with me, just don’t try and crush my dreams because they don’t coincide with yours.
And for those reasons…I believe that I will stay single for a very very long time. I have my boys. I have my girlfriends. I have my kids. I have my hobbies and my career and my own money and, honestly, if I want sex, well….as my girlfriend said to me…I’m a grown woman and I don’t need anyone’s permission to do what I want….
It’s my life…ya know? This is me…this is who I am….and as I embrace myself…I say fuck you if you don’t like me…you don’t need to be in my life.
After two months of out of sight, I spent the other night with Him. Foolish? No. I think it was what I needed to do. Of course, ask any one of my boys (and a couple of my gf’s) and they will say I’m an idiot. But who listens to them anyway…I’m a stubborn Irish lass with a mind of her own! Sometimes I sit back and take note of all the things going on in my life right now, and I realize I’m not the same woman who fell in love with Him. The other night made me realize…Christ almighty…I can let Him go. We don’t work. And it’s not because we don’t want to work. Of course we love one another. Of course we feel comfortable with one another. Of course we have amazing, err, conversations with one another. But Him and I, we come from different worlds. So in my own gentle way, I told him goodbye yesterday.
But oh goodness I really don’t want to date. I mean, I DO want to date, but I honestly hate the process. It’s fun getting to know a person, but what sucks is weeding out the losers. Sucks sucks sucks. I know I am a difficult person to be in a relationship with. I mean, I seriously am so full of contradictions that it will take a VERY strong man to be with me. For instance…..I’m a tree hugging do-gooder liberal feminist. I’m also a label whore. I model nude. I love shoes and shopping. I like to wear wild eyeshadow colors. I don't have a specific genre of dress because I like to wear everything...and nothing. Sometimes I want to hit the bars, sometimes I want to stay home. I love football. I love to cook. I’m not a Christian and I’m not a Wiccan…I take a little bit from everything and apply it to my life…essentially I’m the creator of my own spiritual path. I read Tarot cards. I shop at the Christian bookstore and at the Occult Bookstore. I love all things Celtic. I want to travel. I want to be rich. I don’t pay too much attention to politics, but damn you if you’re going to tell me what to do to my body or with my life I’ll fight you to the death. I’m loyal…get it…I DON’T CHEAT. But if you cheat on me, or are suspected of cheating on me, or are accused of cheating on me….I’ll never forgive you…or forget. I’m emotional always and rarely logical or rational. I live my life based on my feelings or emotions or intuition. I truly march to the beat of my own drum. And most men can’t handle me. They fall in love with my vivacious personality and my free spirit, and then they get insecure and try to control me.
So why am I afraid to date? Because I lead with my heart. I want to be jaded and have up my defenses and guards and walls, but it goes against my nature so I can’t. And I just don’t want to get hurt or have my spirit crushed. I don’t want someone to say fuck you to me or call me a cunt or laugh at me because I say I’m going to take ballet lessons. I don’t want someone to criticize me or manipulate me into feeling insecure or look at me like I’m stupid because I don’t understand the economy or really care to. When I say I want to pay off my debt and retire to Ireland and grow/raise my own food, I don’t want to be laughed at. Encourage me. Support me. I don’t care if you agree with me, just don’t try and crush my dreams because they don’t coincide with yours.
And for those reasons…I believe that I will stay single for a very very long time. I have my boys. I have my girlfriends. I have my kids. I have my hobbies and my career and my own money and, honestly, if I want sex, well….as my girlfriend said to me…I’m a grown woman and I don’t need anyone’s permission to do what I want….
It’s my life…ya know? This is me…this is who I am….and as I embrace myself…I say fuck you if you don’t like me…you don’t need to be in my life.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
List of the Day....things I'm looking forward to!
Wow. My life has gotten incredibly busy. Yay for me. I have so many fun things coming up...and I'm totally excited about them! So goes my "I'm happy here's my list for Thursday":
1. Fright Fest with Bill on Friday night. Oh yay. I seriously cannot wait for this. Great America. Haunted houses. Roller coasters. Leaving work early. A fun night out with a great friend.
2. Photo shoot Saturday afternoon. I've been looking forward to this one for a while now. Initially we were going to be in the historical district, but that fell through, so now we'll be shooting on location. And of course it's a haunted location. I HEART HAUNTED CHICAGO!!!!
3. Photo shoot Saturday night. I heart black and white fine art. Enough said.
4. Football Sunday. Finally. It's cold out. Fall has come to Chicago. And I get to watch 3 football games on Sundays. I swear, October, November and December are the best months of the year. I'm so incredibly happy.
5. Monday night football. So Dan and I found a new bar. I love it. Cheap drinks, good food, and close to home. Oh, and there's football. Did I mention that?
6. Girls' nite out. Shel and I have decided that we're going to do our girls' nite twice a month. One night we'll be bums and just head to the show, and the other night we'll get all girly and have a super-fab night out. Yay for girl friends!
7. A kindred spirit. Speaking of girl friends, finally I've met someone who is just as open-minded as me when it comes to spirituality. That means we have a field trip to the Occult Bookstore in the works...and the day wouldn't be complete without dinner at my favorite Irish pub. Yay for great friends!
8. Halloween. So I bought my tickets to the 1st annual fundraiser...while I'm trying to convince Bill he needs to wear a costume, I found the perfect costume for me...and I'm so excited!!!
9. Boobies. Yeppers...in less than two months I'll have new boobs. Yay for all the new clothes I get to buy!!!
10. Travel. Carla and I are going to Minnesota in March and I'll be heading to NYC in the summer. Bill wants to go to Michigan for a weekend and Christopher and I and whoever else wants to go will be heading to a special little place in the summer...I can't wait!
Life is good. I'm happy. I've found myself. I'm finally living my life.
Yay for me!!!!
1. Fright Fest with Bill on Friday night. Oh yay. I seriously cannot wait for this. Great America. Haunted houses. Roller coasters. Leaving work early. A fun night out with a great friend.
2. Photo shoot Saturday afternoon. I've been looking forward to this one for a while now. Initially we were going to be in the historical district, but that fell through, so now we'll be shooting on location. And of course it's a haunted location. I HEART HAUNTED CHICAGO!!!!
3. Photo shoot Saturday night. I heart black and white fine art. Enough said.
4. Football Sunday. Finally. It's cold out. Fall has come to Chicago. And I get to watch 3 football games on Sundays. I swear, October, November and December are the best months of the year. I'm so incredibly happy.
5. Monday night football. So Dan and I found a new bar. I love it. Cheap drinks, good food, and close to home. Oh, and there's football. Did I mention that?
6. Girls' nite out. Shel and I have decided that we're going to do our girls' nite twice a month. One night we'll be bums and just head to the show, and the other night we'll get all girly and have a super-fab night out. Yay for girl friends!
7. A kindred spirit. Speaking of girl friends, finally I've met someone who is just as open-minded as me when it comes to spirituality. That means we have a field trip to the Occult Bookstore in the works...and the day wouldn't be complete without dinner at my favorite Irish pub. Yay for great friends!
8. Halloween. So I bought my tickets to the 1st annual fundraiser...while I'm trying to convince Bill he needs to wear a costume, I found the perfect costume for me...and I'm so excited!!!
9. Boobies. Yeppers...in less than two months I'll have new boobs. Yay for all the new clothes I get to buy!!!
10. Travel. Carla and I are going to Minnesota in March and I'll be heading to NYC in the summer. Bill wants to go to Michigan for a weekend and Christopher and I and whoever else wants to go will be heading to a special little place in the summer...I can't wait!
Life is good. I'm happy. I've found myself. I'm finally living my life.
Yay for me!!!!
Oh GAWD do I hate politics!!!!
I'm pretty amazed at the number of people in my life that have the audacity to send me their emails promoting the right-wing-moral-police-hold-women-down-while-the-county-is-in-an-economic-mess candidates. I mean, anyone who knows me knows that I’m a tree-hugging-spiritual-not-religious-I’d-rather-dance-naked-under-the-full-moon-than-go-to-church-save-the-world-feminist. Right? But the thing about me is…I don’t try to turn people around to my way of thinking. I believe that people are entitled to believe (or disbelieve) however they want. That’s the beauty of this great country that we live in. We’re supposed to be free (at least that was what I thought until the Church and the Republicans tried to take away my rights). But anyway. If you want to believe in God…good for you. If you want to believe in numerous gods…even better. If you want to vote Republican…that’s your right. And if you want to vote Democrat….yay for you. I have sent one…seriously only one…email to my friends regarding this upcoming election, and it wasn’t to turn people against Palin, it was to make people aware that there are women out there that are trying to take our rights as women away. Vote for who you want, but leave my rights as a woman alone. Ya dig?
So last week I get an email from an extended family member…and it goes something like this:
************************************************************************
Family Member wrote:
You might find the attached article interesting; if you choose to participate, please pass it on.
Have a great day.
Another "vote" taken by NOW on PBS expecting that their 80% liberal viewers will dominate. Let's prove that wrong. Send to every non-liberal you know. Let's get some balance into the voting group. This is the easiest vote you will ever make. It takes literally two seconds. Let's turn this around!!! PBS has a short video on Sarah Palin on their website. Also included is a poll that asks: Is Sarah Palin qualified to be VP? I logged on a few minutes ago and 37% percent had voted YES, 62% NO. Let's turn this around..... You don't have to give your name or email address in order to vote. It's very simple. Here's the link:
http://www.pbs.org/now/polls/poll-435.html
AFTER YOU VOTE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO YOUR LIST OF PEOPLE, ASK THEM TO VOTE AND THEN ASK THEM TO FORWARD IT ON TO THEIR E-MAIL LISTS. LET'S SHOW PBS WHAT REAL AMERICANS THINK! You might want to vote more than once !!!
I wrote:
I'm very much a liberal....
I love you!!!!
~Jenn
Family Member wrote:
So, then, a question for you to consider. How does a Christian support a person who approves and supports abortion? Oh, and one other question: how does a person qualify to be Commander-in-Chief when he has only 143 days of service in Congress, and only voted "Present" (i.e., never able to make a decision) when he served in the State of Illinois Senate when it takes over a year for a Basic Private to complete training?
Just use your mind, Jeni, and see what are the long-term consequences of a liberal view, particularly when it directly contradicts God's Word.
I love you, too, and you and your family are in my prayers every Friday.
**********************************************************
So, me being the outspoken Sagittarius that I am had a whole long reply defending my position all ready to go. And then I realized something. The burden of proof lies on him!!!! I’m not the one trying to convert anyone to my way of thinking. I’m quite happy to live and let live. If he wants to convert me to “the other side”, it falls on him to make a persuasive argument to show me “the error of my ways”…and, quite honestly, he didn’t succeed. So phooey on him.
Today I get an email from a friend…a FEMALE friend…that kind of blows my mind that she’s so young and “hip” and, to be honest, I wonder if she really knows what the conservatives stand for…does she understand they’re trying to take away her rights as a woman?
Follows is this ridiculous email which is, simply put, filled with nonsense:
***************************************************************************
IT'S YOUR CHOICE -- THIS MAY HELP
THIS LETTER MAKES MORE SENSE THAN ANYTHING I HAVE SEEN, HEARD, OR READ, CONCERNING THE UPCOMING ELECTION...
IT'S A LETTER FROM A U.S. CITIZEN... WHO LIVES IN ILLINOIS ... AND OBVIOUSLY IS A "SELF-THINKER"... NOT JUST A "FOLLOWER"!!!
IF YOU ONLY READ ONE THING, REGARDING THIS ELECTION... LET THIS BE THE ONE THING!! AFTER READING IT, YOU WILL PROBABLY WANT TO FORWARD IT TO OTHER AMERICANS WHO ARE "SELF THINKERS"!!
An impassioned letter from a "nobody". But he gives his telephone number at the end.
Dear Friends:
My name is Joe Porter. I live in Champaign , Illinois . I'm 46 years old, a born-again Christian, a husband, a father, a small business owner, a veteran, and a homeowner. I don't consider myself to be either conservative or liberal, and I vote for the person, not Republican or Democrat. I don't believe there are "two Americas " but that every person in this country can be whomever and whatever they want to be if they'll just work to get there and nowhere else on earth can they find such opportunities. I believe our government should help those who are legitimately downtrodden, and should always put the interests of America first.
The purpose of this message is that I'm concerned about the future of this great nation. I'm worried that the silent majority of honest, hard-working, tax-paying people in this country have been passive for too long. Most folks I know choose not to involve themselves in politics. They go about their daily lives, paying their bills, raising their kids, and doing what they can to maintain the good life. They vote and consider doing so to be a sacred trust. They shake their heads at the political pundits and so-called "news", thinking that what they hear is always spun by whomever is reporting it. They can't understand how elected officials can regularly violate the public trust with pork barrel spending. They don't want government handouts. They want the government to protect them, not raise their taxes for more government programs.
We are in the unique position in this country of electing our leaders. It's a privilege to do so. I've never found a candidate in any election with whom I agreed on everything. I'll wager that most of us don't even agree with our families or spouses 100% of the time. So when I step into that voting booth, I always try to look at the big picture and cast my vote for the man or woman who is best qualified for the job. I've hired a lot of people in my lifetime, and essentially that's what an election is - a hiring process. Who has the credentials? Whom do I want working for me? Whom can I trust to do the job right?
I'm concerned that a growing number of voters in this country simply don't get it. They are caught up in a fervor they can't explain, and calling it "change".
"Change what?", I ask.
"Well, we're going to change America , they say.
"In what way?", I query.
"We want someone new and fresh in the White House", they exclaim.
"So, someone who's not a politician?", I say.
"Uh, well, no, we just want a lot of stuff changed, so we're voting for Obama", they state.
"So the current system, the system of freedom and democracy that has enabled a man to grow up in this great country, get a fine education, raise incredible amounts of money and dominate the news, and win his party's nomination for the White House that system's all wrong?"
"No, no, that part of the system's okay we just need a lot of change."
And so it goes. "Change we can believe in."
Quite frankly, I don't believe that vague proclamations of change hold any promise for me. In recent months, I've been asking virtually everyone I encounter how they're voting. I live in Illinois , so most folks tell me they're voting for Barack Obama. But no one can really tell me why only that he's going to change a lot of stuff "Change, change, change." I have yet to find one single person who can tell me distinctly and convincingly why this man is qualified to be President and Commander-in-Chief of the most powerful nation on earth other than the fact that he claims he's going to implement a lot of change.
We've all seen the emails about Obama's genealogy, his upbringing, his Muslim background, and his church affiliations. Let's ignore this for a moment. Put it all aside. Then ask yourself, "What qualifies this man to be my president? That he's a brilliant orator and talks about change?"
CHANGE WHAT?
Friends, I'll be forthright with you I believe the American voters who are supporting Barack Obama don't have a clue what they're doing, as evidenced by the fact that not one of them - NOT ONE of them I've spoken to can spell out his qualifications. Not even the most liberal media can explain why he should be elected. Political experience? Negligible. Foreign relations? Non-existent. Achievements? Name one. Someone who wants to unite the country? If you haven't read his wife's thesis from Princeton , look it up on the web. This is who's lining up to be our next First Lady? The only thing I can glean from Obama's constant harping about change is that we're in for a lot of new taxes.
For me, the choice is clear. I've looked carefully at the two leading applicants for the job, and I've made my choice.
Here's a question - "Where were you five and a half years ago? Around Christmas, 2002. You've had five or six birthdays in that time. My son has grown from a sixth grade child to a high school graduate. Five and a half years is a good chunk of time. About 2,000 days. 2,000 nights of sleep. 6, 000 meals, give or take."
John McCain spent that amount of time, from 1967 to 1973, in a North Vietnamese prisoner-of-war camp.
When offered early release, he refused it. He considered this offer to be a public relations stunt by his captors, and insisted that those held longer than he should be released first. Did you get that part? He was offered his freedom, and he turned it down. A regimen of beatings and torture began.
Do you possess such strength of character? Locked in a filthy cell in a foreign country, would you turn down your own freedom in favor of your fellow man? I submit that's a quality of character that is rarely found, and for me, this singular act defines John McCain.
Unlike several presidential candidates in recent years whose military service is questionable or non-existent, you will not find anyone to denigrate the integrity and moral courage of this man. A graduate of Annapolis, du ring his Naval service he received the Silver Star, Bronze Star, Purple Heart and Distinguished Flying Cross. His own son is now serving in the Marine Corps in Iraq . Barack Obama is fond of saying "We honor John McCain's service...BUT...", which to me is condescending and offensive - because what I hear is, "Let's forget this man's sacrifice for his country, and his proven leadership abilities, and talk some more about change.
I don't agree with John McCain on everything - but I am utterly convinced that he is qualified to be our next President, and I trust him to do what's right. I know in my heart that he has the best interests of our country in mind. He doesn't simply want to be President - he wants to lead America, and there's a huge difference. Factually, there is simply no comparison between the two candidates. A man of questionable background and motives who prattles on about change, can't hold a candle to a man who has devoted his life in public service to this nation, retiring from the Navy in1981 and elected to the Senate in1982.
Perhaps Obama's supporters are taking a stance between old and new. Maybe they don't care about McCain's service or his strength of character, or his unblemished qualifications to be President. Maybe "likeability" is a higher priority for them than "trust". Being a prisoner of war is not what qualifies John McCain to be President of the United States of America - but his demonstrated leadership certainly DOES.
Dear friends, it is time for us to stand. It is time for thinking Americans to say, "Enough." It is time for people of all parties to stop following the party line. It is time for anyone who wants to keep America first, who wants the right man leading their nation, to start a dialogue with all their friends and neighbors and ask who they're voting for, and why.
There's a lot of evil in this world. That should be readily apparent to all of us by now. And when faced with that evil as we are now, I want a man who knows the cost of war on his troops and on his citizens. I want a man who puts my family's interests before any foreign country.
I want a President who's qualified to lead.
I want my country back.
******************************************************************************
The moral of my story? Vote how you want. Think how you want. I don’t care. It’s [still] a free country. But don’t flood my in-box with your nonsense. I don’t do it to you. And while I won’t ask you to stop being who you are, let me be me.
So last week I get an email from an extended family member…and it goes something like this:
************************************************************************
Family Member wrote:
You might find the attached article interesting; if you choose to participate, please pass it on.
Have a great day.
Another "vote" taken by NOW on PBS expecting that their 80% liberal viewers will dominate. Let's prove that wrong. Send to every non-liberal you know. Let's get some balance into the voting group. This is the easiest vote you will ever make. It takes literally two seconds. Let's turn this around!!! PBS has a short video on Sarah Palin on their website. Also included is a poll that asks: Is Sarah Palin qualified to be VP? I logged on a few minutes ago and 37% percent had voted YES, 62% NO. Let's turn this around..... You don't have to give your name or email address in order to vote. It's very simple. Here's the link:
http://www.pbs.org/now/polls/poll-435.html
AFTER YOU VOTE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO YOUR LIST OF PEOPLE, ASK THEM TO VOTE AND THEN ASK THEM TO FORWARD IT ON TO THEIR E-MAIL LISTS. LET'S SHOW PBS WHAT REAL AMERICANS THINK! You might want to vote more than once !!!
I wrote:
I'm very much a liberal....
I love you!!!!
~Jenn
Family Member wrote:
So, then, a question for you to consider. How does a Christian support a person who approves and supports abortion? Oh, and one other question: how does a person qualify to be Commander-in-Chief when he has only 143 days of service in Congress, and only voted "Present" (i.e., never able to make a decision) when he served in the State of Illinois Senate when it takes over a year for a Basic Private to complete training?
Just use your mind, Jeni, and see what are the long-term consequences of a liberal view, particularly when it directly contradicts God's Word.
I love you, too, and you and your family are in my prayers every Friday.
**********************************************************
So, me being the outspoken Sagittarius that I am had a whole long reply defending my position all ready to go. And then I realized something. The burden of proof lies on him!!!! I’m not the one trying to convert anyone to my way of thinking. I’m quite happy to live and let live. If he wants to convert me to “the other side”, it falls on him to make a persuasive argument to show me “the error of my ways”…and, quite honestly, he didn’t succeed. So phooey on him.
Today I get an email from a friend…a FEMALE friend…that kind of blows my mind that she’s so young and “hip” and, to be honest, I wonder if she really knows what the conservatives stand for…does she understand they’re trying to take away her rights as a woman?
Follows is this ridiculous email which is, simply put, filled with nonsense:
***************************************************************************
IT'S YOUR CHOICE -- THIS MAY HELP
THIS LETTER MAKES MORE SENSE THAN ANYTHING I HAVE SEEN, HEARD, OR READ, CONCERNING THE UPCOMING ELECTION...
IT'S A LETTER FROM A U.S. CITIZEN... WHO LIVES IN ILLINOIS ... AND OBVIOUSLY IS A "SELF-THINKER"... NOT JUST A "FOLLOWER"!!!
IF YOU ONLY READ ONE THING, REGARDING THIS ELECTION... LET THIS BE THE ONE THING!! AFTER READING IT, YOU WILL PROBABLY WANT TO FORWARD IT TO OTHER AMERICANS WHO ARE "SELF THINKERS"!!
An impassioned letter from a "nobody". But he gives his telephone number at the end.
Dear Friends:
My name is Joe Porter. I live in Champaign , Illinois . I'm 46 years old, a born-again Christian, a husband, a father, a small business owner, a veteran, and a homeowner. I don't consider myself to be either conservative or liberal, and I vote for the person, not Republican or Democrat. I don't believe there are "two Americas " but that every person in this country can be whomever and whatever they want to be if they'll just work to get there and nowhere else on earth can they find such opportunities. I believe our government should help those who are legitimately downtrodden, and should always put the interests of America first.
The purpose of this message is that I'm concerned about the future of this great nation. I'm worried that the silent majority of honest, hard-working, tax-paying people in this country have been passive for too long. Most folks I know choose not to involve themselves in politics. They go about their daily lives, paying their bills, raising their kids, and doing what they can to maintain the good life. They vote and consider doing so to be a sacred trust. They shake their heads at the political pundits and so-called "news", thinking that what they hear is always spun by whomever is reporting it. They can't understand how elected officials can regularly violate the public trust with pork barrel spending. They don't want government handouts. They want the government to protect them, not raise their taxes for more government programs.
We are in the unique position in this country of electing our leaders. It's a privilege to do so. I've never found a candidate in any election with whom I agreed on everything. I'll wager that most of us don't even agree with our families or spouses 100% of the time. So when I step into that voting booth, I always try to look at the big picture and cast my vote for the man or woman who is best qualified for the job. I've hired a lot of people in my lifetime, and essentially that's what an election is - a hiring process. Who has the credentials? Whom do I want working for me? Whom can I trust to do the job right?
I'm concerned that a growing number of voters in this country simply don't get it. They are caught up in a fervor they can't explain, and calling it "change".
"Change what?", I ask.
"Well, we're going to change America , they say.
"In what way?", I query.
"We want someone new and fresh in the White House", they exclaim.
"So, someone who's not a politician?", I say.
"Uh, well, no, we just want a lot of stuff changed, so we're voting for Obama", they state.
"So the current system, the system of freedom and democracy that has enabled a man to grow up in this great country, get a fine education, raise incredible amounts of money and dominate the news, and win his party's nomination for the White House that system's all wrong?"
"No, no, that part of the system's okay we just need a lot of change."
And so it goes. "Change we can believe in."
Quite frankly, I don't believe that vague proclamations of change hold any promise for me. In recent months, I've been asking virtually everyone I encounter how they're voting. I live in Illinois , so most folks tell me they're voting for Barack Obama. But no one can really tell me why only that he's going to change a lot of stuff "Change, change, change." I have yet to find one single person who can tell me distinctly and convincingly why this man is qualified to be President and Commander-in-Chief of the most powerful nation on earth other than the fact that he claims he's going to implement a lot of change.
We've all seen the emails about Obama's genealogy, his upbringing, his Muslim background, and his church affiliations. Let's ignore this for a moment. Put it all aside. Then ask yourself, "What qualifies this man to be my president? That he's a brilliant orator and talks about change?"
CHANGE WHAT?
Friends, I'll be forthright with you I believe the American voters who are supporting Barack Obama don't have a clue what they're doing, as evidenced by the fact that not one of them - NOT ONE of them I've spoken to can spell out his qualifications. Not even the most liberal media can explain why he should be elected. Political experience? Negligible. Foreign relations? Non-existent. Achievements? Name one. Someone who wants to unite the country? If you haven't read his wife's thesis from Princeton , look it up on the web. This is who's lining up to be our next First Lady? The only thing I can glean from Obama's constant harping about change is that we're in for a lot of new taxes.
For me, the choice is clear. I've looked carefully at the two leading applicants for the job, and I've made my choice.
Here's a question - "Where were you five and a half years ago? Around Christmas, 2002. You've had five or six birthdays in that time. My son has grown from a sixth grade child to a high school graduate. Five and a half years is a good chunk of time. About 2,000 days. 2,000 nights of sleep. 6, 000 meals, give or take."
John McCain spent that amount of time, from 1967 to 1973, in a North Vietnamese prisoner-of-war camp.
When offered early release, he refused it. He considered this offer to be a public relations stunt by his captors, and insisted that those held longer than he should be released first. Did you get that part? He was offered his freedom, and he turned it down. A regimen of beatings and torture began.
Do you possess such strength of character? Locked in a filthy cell in a foreign country, would you turn down your own freedom in favor of your fellow man? I submit that's a quality of character that is rarely found, and for me, this singular act defines John McCain.
Unlike several presidential candidates in recent years whose military service is questionable or non-existent, you will not find anyone to denigrate the integrity and moral courage of this man. A graduate of Annapolis, du ring his Naval service he received the Silver Star, Bronze Star, Purple Heart and Distinguished Flying Cross. His own son is now serving in the Marine Corps in Iraq . Barack Obama is fond of saying "We honor John McCain's service...BUT...", which to me is condescending and offensive - because what I hear is, "Let's forget this man's sacrifice for his country, and his proven leadership abilities, and talk some more about change.
I don't agree with John McCain on everything - but I am utterly convinced that he is qualified to be our next President, and I trust him to do what's right. I know in my heart that he has the best interests of our country in mind. He doesn't simply want to be President - he wants to lead America, and there's a huge difference. Factually, there is simply no comparison between the two candidates. A man of questionable background and motives who prattles on about change, can't hold a candle to a man who has devoted his life in public service to this nation, retiring from the Navy in1981 and elected to the Senate in1982.
Perhaps Obama's supporters are taking a stance between old and new. Maybe they don't care about McCain's service or his strength of character, or his unblemished qualifications to be President. Maybe "likeability" is a higher priority for them than "trust". Being a prisoner of war is not what qualifies John McCain to be President of the United States of America - but his demonstrated leadership certainly DOES.
Dear friends, it is time for us to stand. It is time for thinking Americans to say, "Enough." It is time for people of all parties to stop following the party line. It is time for anyone who wants to keep America first, who wants the right man leading their nation, to start a dialogue with all their friends and neighbors and ask who they're voting for, and why.
There's a lot of evil in this world. That should be readily apparent to all of us by now. And when faced with that evil as we are now, I want a man who knows the cost of war on his troops and on his citizens. I want a man who puts my family's interests before any foreign country.
I want a President who's qualified to lead.
I want my country back.
******************************************************************************
The moral of my story? Vote how you want. Think how you want. I don’t care. It’s [still] a free country. But don’t flood my in-box with your nonsense. I don’t do it to you. And while I won’t ask you to stop being who you are, let me be me.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Better in Time
It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through
Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'ma be ok
[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time
I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings
If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'ma be ok
[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time
Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will
[Chorus: x2]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
