I wonder why

It’s been said, by those who know me well, that I am too nice for my own good. It’s been said, by those who know me well, that if they were me certain people would have had faced the consequences of their actions long before now. I wonder why we are the way that we are.

I asked my Dad the other day if I was adopted. There is no one in my family that is as soft-hearted and forgiving as me. As a matter of fact, two of the members of my family are quite selfish and vindictive. Me, on the other hand, well I just take it and take it and take it. I forgive and I forgive and I forgive. Only to have someone else do something to attempt to destroy me.

I have a friend who is so much like me we could be cloned. She dated a man for about a year and a half who ended up being very cruel. She stayed with him anyway. There were times when she would break up with him, but she always went crawling back to him. He would say and do things to her to make her self esteem low. He would flirt with other women, compare her to other women, make her beg for him to spend time with her, cheated on her, convinced his family and friends that he was innocent and she was a nut case – the list could go on and on of the abuse she suffered. One day something snapped in her head and she woke up and said enough. She left him. And this time she stayed away. She ended up meeting another man who is so good to her. She’s cautious, but happy. Now her ex is bothering her. He sends her hateful text messages. Over and over again. He threatens her reputation. He calls her names. She should stop talking to him but she feels sad for him. She still cares about his feelings. She doesn’t want him to hurt. She knows he isn’t always a cruel man. She knows he’s hurting and is lashing out because the relationship is over. But she’s standing her ground and not giving in. Her friends keep telling her to get a restraining order. She doesn’t want to do that. Today I told her to change her number. I don’t understand myself why she isn’t harder on him. Why she doesn’t get mad at him. Why she keeps making excuses for him the way she always did. But I can’t blame her for doing what she feels is the right thing to do. I hope, for her sake and sanity, that changing her number works. She has a new guy now and she’s happy. She deserves to be happy.

So why are we the way that we are? Why is it so easy for some people to be mean and not think twice about it? Why is it so easy for some people, like my girlfriend and me, to take so much crap from people and still care about their feelings? I think maybe it’s because the Universe needs balance. For all evil there is good. For all sad there is happiness. For all dark there is light. For all cold there is warmth. I don’t plan on changing from being who I am. I like who I am. I’m proud of who I am. Just as I’m certain that those who aren’t me are proud of who they are.

But still, on days like today, I often wonder why.