hello happiness

Life changes fast...I've always said that. One year ago I couldn't have imagined what I would have gone through. I couldn't have imagined that I'd be where I am today. When you think something can't happen to you, it does. But enough of the toxic talk.

Today life is great. My children are happy again. I am happy again. I have all my friends back. I've cut the negative people out of my life. I've reconnected with a fabulous man...and who woulda thunk it....my freshman year boyfriend...my skater boy that I was crushin on madstyle....turned out to be the man who makes my smile even bigger. It's funny how life works. A month ago I was in such despair that I didn't know how to get out of it. Life was coming at me from all angles. My friends were so frustrated with seeing me cry, not seeing me smile. All it took was one simple pros and cons list for me to find the strength to leave. Damn but I wish he had done it sooner. Then I'd have been happy a long time ago.

My head may still be a little messed up. I have a lot of unbrainwashing that needs to be done. But the weight that I carried around in my chest, in my stomach, in my heart...is gone. I feel free. I laugh. I smile. I jump up and down. I'm friendly again. My heart is whole, not shattered like it was. I'm silly and funny and beautiful again.

Believe it or not, I wouldn't change the past year for anything. Oh god did it suck. I was miserably unhappy for 11 months. But I learned a lot about myself and life. I did some more growing up. I learned about love. I learned how to love. And I learned how not to love. And now I'm happy.

So to those of you who were in my life this past year, thanks for the lessons, thanks for the memories, thanks for the pain, thanks for the strength. Thanks to my friends for loving me and pulling me out. Thanks for not giving up on me. Thanks for being MY inspirations. Thanks to my kids for loving me. Thanks to my grandma and my dad. And thanks to that certain man who adores his darling princess.