Quote of the Day

"What you are will show in what you do."

---Thomas A. Edison

Song of the Day - Superman's Dead .... (at least to me he is)

and Nickelback does it again....

Will this one have meaning for us too?

Gotta Be Someobody

This time I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life
The one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I´ll be waiting for the real thing.
I know it by the feeling.
The moment when we´re meeting
We'll play out like a scene straight off the silver screen
So I`ll be holdin’ my breath
Right up to the end
Until that moment when
I find the one that I spend forever with

`Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There`s gotta be somebody for me like that.

`Cause nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere.
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.

Tonight out on the street out in the moonlight
And damn it this feels too right
It´s just like Déjà Vu
Me standin’ here with you
So I´ll be holdin`my breath
Could this be the end?
Is it that moment when
I find the one that I spend forever with?

‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There´s gotta be somebody for me like that.

`Cause nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.

You can´t give up!
When you're lookin´ for that diamond in the rough
Because you never know when it shows up
Make sure you´re holdin` on
‘Cause it could be the one, the one you´re waiting on

‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There has gotta be somebody for me
Ohhhhhh.

Nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
Nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There has gotta be somebody for me out there.

A little bit of everything…including my “why I’m afraid to date” rant

It’s funny how since The Breakup I’ve been keeping myself insanely busy. At first it was because I had stopped doing the things I wanted to do, and when I suddenly found myself with a whole bunch of free time, I went a bit buck-wild. After the first couple weeks the numbness wore off and I continued to stay busy in order to not think of Him or feel the pain. We’ve been broken up for two months, and tomorrow will be the one month anniversary of when I sold my soul to the devil, and as I sit here reflecting on the different feelings I have regarding the situation, I think it’s time I stop running and just deal with it.

After two months of out of sight, I spent the other night with Him. Foolish? No. I think it was what I needed to do. Of course, ask any one of my boys (and a couple of my gf’s) and they will say I’m an idiot. But who listens to them anyway…I’m a stubborn Irish lass with a mind of her own! Sometimes I sit back and take note of all the things going on in my life right now, and I realize I’m not the same woman who fell in love with Him. The other night made me realize…Christ almighty…I can let Him go. We don’t work. And it’s not because we don’t want to work. Of course we love one another. Of course we feel comfortable with one another. Of course we have amazing, err, conversations with one another. But Him and I, we come from different worlds. So in my own gentle way, I told him goodbye yesterday.

But oh goodness I really don’t want to date. I mean, I DO want to date, but I honestly hate the process. It’s fun getting to know a person, but what sucks is weeding out the losers. Sucks sucks sucks. I know I am a difficult person to be in a relationship with. I mean, I seriously am so full of contradictions that it will take a VERY strong man to be with me. For instance…..I’m a tree hugging do-gooder liberal feminist. I’m also a label whore. I model nude. I love shoes and shopping. I like to wear wild eyeshadow colors. I don't have a specific genre of dress because I like to wear everything...and nothing. Sometimes I want to hit the bars, sometimes I want to stay home. I love football. I love to cook. I’m not a Christian and I’m not a Wiccan…I take a little bit from everything and apply it to my life…essentially I’m the creator of my own spiritual path. I read Tarot cards. I shop at the Christian bookstore and at the Occult Bookstore. I love all things Celtic. I want to travel. I want to be rich. I don’t pay too much attention to politics, but damn you if you’re going to tell me what to do to my body or with my life I’ll fight you to the death. I’m loyal…get it…I DON’T CHEAT. But if you cheat on me, or are suspected of cheating on me, or are accused of cheating on me….I’ll never forgive you…or forget. I’m emotional always and rarely logical or rational. I live my life based on my feelings or emotions or intuition. I truly march to the beat of my own drum. And most men can’t handle me. They fall in love with my vivacious personality and my free spirit, and then they get insecure and try to control me.

So why am I afraid to date? Because I lead with my heart. I want to be jaded and have up my defenses and guards and walls, but it goes against my nature so I can’t. And I just don’t want to get hurt or have my spirit crushed. I don’t want someone to say fuck you to me or call me a cunt or laugh at me because I say I’m going to take ballet lessons. I don’t want someone to criticize me or manipulate me into feeling insecure or look at me like I’m stupid because I don’t understand the economy or really care to. When I say I want to pay off my debt and retire to Ireland and grow/raise my own food, I don’t want to be laughed at. Encourage me. Support me. I don’t care if you agree with me, just don’t try and crush my dreams because they don’t coincide with yours.

And for those reasons…I believe that I will stay single for a very very long time. I have my boys. I have my girlfriends. I have my kids. I have my hobbies and my career and my own money and, honestly, if I want sex, well….as my girlfriend said to me…I’m a grown woman and I don’t need anyone’s permission to do what I want….

It’s my life…ya know? This is me…this is who I am….and as I embrace myself…I say fuck you if you don’t like me…you don’t need to be in my life.

List of the Day....things I'm looking forward to!

Wow. My life has gotten incredibly busy. Yay for me. I have so many fun things coming up...and I'm totally excited about them! So goes my "I'm happy here's my list for Thursday":

1. Fright Fest with Bill on Friday night. Oh yay. I seriously cannot wait for this. Great America. Haunted houses. Roller coasters. Leaving work early. A fun night out with a great friend.

2. Photo shoot Saturday afternoon. I've been looking forward to this one for a while now. Initially we were going to be in the historical district, but that fell through, so now we'll be shooting on location. And of course it's a haunted location. I HEART HAUNTED CHICAGO!!!!

3. Photo shoot Saturday night. I heart black and white fine art. Enough said.

4. Football Sunday. Finally. It's cold out. Fall has come to Chicago. And I get to watch 3 football games on Sundays. I swear, October, November and December are the best months of the year. I'm so incredibly happy.

5. Monday night football. So Dan and I found a new bar. I love it. Cheap drinks, good food, and close to home. Oh, and there's football. Did I mention that?

6. Girls' nite out. Shel and I have decided that we're going to do our girls' nite twice a month. One night we'll be bums and just head to the show, and the other night we'll get all girly and have a super-fab night out. Yay for girl friends!

7. A kindred spirit. Speaking of girl friends, finally I've met someone who is just as open-minded as me when it comes to spirituality. That means we have a field trip to the Occult Bookstore in the works...and the day wouldn't be complete without dinner at my favorite Irish pub. Yay for great friends!

8. Halloween. So I bought my tickets to the 1st annual fundraiser...while I'm trying to convince Bill he needs to wear a costume, I found the perfect costume for me...and I'm so excited!!!

9. Boobies. Yeppers...in less than two months I'll have new boobs. Yay for all the new clothes I get to buy!!!

10. Travel. Carla and I are going to Minnesota in March and I'll be heading to NYC in the summer. Bill wants to go to Michigan for a weekend and Christopher and I and whoever else wants to go will be heading to a special little place in the summer...I can't wait!

Life is good. I'm happy. I've found myself. I'm finally living my life.

Yay for me!!!!

Oh GAWD do I hate politics!!!!

I'm pretty amazed at the number of people in my life that have the audacity to send me their emails promoting the right-wing-moral-police-hold-women-down-while-the-county-is-in-an-economic-mess candidates. I mean, anyone who knows me knows that I’m a tree-hugging-spiritual-not-religious-I’d-rather-dance-naked-under-the-full-moon-than-go-to-church-save-the-world-feminist. Right? But the thing about me is…I don’t try to turn people around to my way of thinking. I believe that people are entitled to believe (or disbelieve) however they want. That’s the beauty of this great country that we live in. We’re supposed to be free (at least that was what I thought until the Church and the Republicans tried to take away my rights). But anyway. If you want to believe in God…good for you. If you want to believe in numerous gods…even better. If you want to vote Republican…that’s your right. And if you want to vote Democrat….yay for you. I have sent one…seriously only one…email to my friends regarding this upcoming election, and it wasn’t to turn people against Palin, it was to make people aware that there are women out there that are trying to take our rights as women away. Vote for who you want, but leave my rights as a woman alone. Ya dig?

So last week I get an email from an extended family member…and it goes something like this:

************************************************************************
Family Member wrote:

You might find the attached article interesting; if you choose to participate, please pass it on.

Have a great day.

Another "vote" taken by NOW on PBS expecting that their 80% liberal viewers will dominate. Let's prove that wrong. Send to every non-liberal you know. Let's get some balance into the voting group. This is the easiest vote you will ever make. It takes literally two seconds. Let's turn this around!!! PBS has a short video on Sarah Palin on their website. Also included is a poll that asks: Is Sarah Palin qualified to be VP? I logged on a few minutes ago and 37% percent had voted YES, 62% NO. Let's turn this around..... You don't have to give your name or email address in order to vote. It's very simple. Here's the link:

http://www.pbs.org/now/polls/poll-435.html

AFTER YOU VOTE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO YOUR LIST OF PEOPLE, ASK THEM TO VOTE AND THEN ASK THEM TO FORWARD IT ON TO THEIR E-MAIL LISTS. LET'S SHOW PBS WHAT REAL AMERICANS THINK! You might want to vote more than once !!!

I wrote:

I'm very much a liberal....

I love you!!!!

~Jenn

Family Member wrote:

So, then, a question for you to consider. How does a Christian support a person who approves and supports abortion? Oh, and one other question: how does a person qualify to be Commander-in-Chief when he has only 143 days of service in Congress, and only voted "Present" (i.e., never able to make a decision) when he served in the State of Illinois Senate when it takes over a year for a Basic Private to complete training?

Just use your mind, Jeni, and see what are the long-term consequences of a liberal view, particularly when it directly contradicts God's Word.

I love you, too, and you and your family are in my prayers every Friday.
**********************************************************

So, me being the outspoken Sagittarius that I am had a whole long reply defending my position all ready to go. And then I realized something. The burden of proof lies on him!!!! I’m not the one trying to convert anyone to my way of thinking. I’m quite happy to live and let live. If he wants to convert me to “the other side”, it falls on him to make a persuasive argument to show me “the error of my ways”…and, quite honestly, he didn’t succeed. So phooey on him.

Today I get an email from a friend…a FEMALE friend…that kind of blows my mind that she’s so young and “hip” and, to be honest, I wonder if she really knows what the conservatives stand for…does she understand they’re trying to take away her rights as a woman?

Follows is this ridiculous email which is, simply put, filled with nonsense:

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IT'S YOUR CHOICE -- THIS MAY HELP

THIS LETTER MAKES MORE SENSE THAN ANYTHING I HAVE SEEN, HEARD, OR READ, CONCERNING THE UPCOMING ELECTION...

IT'S A LETTER FROM A U.S. CITIZEN... WHO LIVES IN ILLINOIS ... AND OBVIOUSLY IS A "SELF-THINKER"... NOT JUST A "FOLLOWER"!!!

IF YOU ONLY READ ONE THING, REGARDING THIS ELECTION... LET THIS BE THE ONE THING!! AFTER READING IT, YOU WILL PROBABLY WANT TO FORWARD IT TO OTHER AMERICANS WHO ARE "SELF THINKERS"!!

An impassioned letter from a "nobody". But he gives his telephone number at the end.

Dear Friends:

My name is Joe Porter. I live in Champaign , Illinois . I'm 46 years old, a born-again Christian, a husband, a father, a small business owner, a veteran, and a homeowner. I don't consider myself to be either conservative or liberal, and I vote for the person, not Republican or Democrat. I don't believe there are "two Americas " but that every person in this country can be whomever and whatever they want to be if they'll just work to get there and nowhere else on earth can they find such opportunities. I believe our government should help those who are legitimately downtrodden, and should always put the interests of America first.

The purpose of this message is that I'm concerned about the future of this great nation. I'm worried that the silent majority of honest, hard-working, tax-paying people in this country have been passive for too long. Most folks I know choose not to involve themselves in politics. They go about their daily lives, paying their bills, raising their kids, and doing what they can to maintain the good life. They vote and consider doing so to be a sacred trust. They shake their heads at the political pundits and so-called "news", thinking that what they hear is always spun by whomever is reporting it. They can't understand how elected officials can regularly violate the public trust with pork barrel spending. They don't want government handouts. They want the government to protect them, not raise their taxes for more government programs.

We are in the unique position in this country of electing our leaders. It's a privilege to do so. I've never found a candidate in any election with whom I agreed on everything. I'll wager that most of us don't even agree with our families or spouses 100% of the time. So when I step into that voting booth, I always try to look at the big picture and cast my vote for the man or woman who is best qualified for the job. I've hired a lot of people in my lifetime, and essentially that's what an election is - a hiring process. Who has the credentials? Whom do I want working for me? Whom can I trust to do the job right?

I'm concerned that a growing number of voters in this country simply don't get it. They are caught up in a fervor they can't explain, and calling it "change".

"Change what?", I ask.

"Well, we're going to change America , they say.

"In what way?", I query.

"We want someone new and fresh in the White House", they exclaim.

"So, someone who's not a politician?", I say.

"Uh, well, no, we just want a lot of stuff changed, so we're voting for Obama", they state.

"So the current system, the system of freedom and democracy that has enabled a man to grow up in this great country, get a fine education, raise incredible amounts of money and dominate the news, and win his party's nomination for the White House that system's all wrong?"

"No, no, that part of the system's okay we just need a lot of change."

And so it goes. "Change we can believe in."

Quite frankly, I don't believe that vague proclamations of change hold any promise for me. In recent months, I've been asking virtually everyone I encounter how they're voting. I live in Illinois , so most folks tell me they're voting for Barack Obama. But no one can really tell me why only that he's going to change a lot of stuff "Change, change, change." I have yet to find one single person who can tell me distinctly and convincingly why this man is qualified to be President and Commander-in-Chief of the most powerful nation on earth other than the fact that he claims he's going to implement a lot of change.

We've all seen the emails about Obama's genealogy, his upbringing, his Muslim background, and his church affiliations. Let's ignore this for a moment. Put it all aside. Then ask yourself, "What qualifies this man to be my president? That he's a brilliant orator and talks about change?"

CHANGE WHAT?

Friends, I'll be forthright with you I believe the American voters who are supporting Barack Obama don't have a clue what they're doing, as evidenced by the fact that not one of them - NOT ONE of them I've spoken to can spell out his qualifications. Not even the most liberal media can explain why he should be elected. Political experience? Negligible. Foreign relations? Non-existent. Achievements? Name one. Someone who wants to unite the country? If you haven't read his wife's thesis from Princeton , look it up on the web. This is who's lining up to be our next First Lady? The only thing I can glean from Obama's constant harping about change is that we're in for a lot of new taxes.

For me, the choice is clear. I've looked carefully at the two leading applicants for the job, and I've made my choice.

Here's a question - "Where were you five and a half years ago? Around Christmas, 2002. You've had five or six birthdays in that time. My son has grown from a sixth grade child to a high school graduate. Five and a half years is a good chunk of time. About 2,000 days. 2,000 nights of sleep. 6, 000 meals, give or take."

John McCain spent that amount of time, from 1967 to 1973, in a North Vietnamese prisoner-of-war camp.

When offered early release, he refused it. He considered this offer to be a public relations stunt by his captors, and insisted that those held longer than he should be released first. Did you get that part? He was offered his freedom, and he turned it down. A regimen of beatings and torture began.

Do you possess such strength of character? Locked in a filthy cell in a foreign country, would you turn down your own freedom in favor of your fellow man? I submit that's a quality of character that is rarely found, and for me, this singular act defines John McCain.

Unlike several presidential candidates in recent years whose military service is questionable or non-existent, you will not find anyone to denigrate the integrity and moral courage of this man. A graduate of Annapolis, du ring his Naval service he received the Silver Star, Bronze Star, Purple Heart and Distinguished Flying Cross. His own son is now serving in the Marine Corps in Iraq . Barack Obama is fond of saying "We honor John McCain's service...BUT...", which to me is condescending and offensive - because what I hear is, "Let's forget this man's sacrifice for his country, and his proven leadership abilities, and talk some more about change.

I don't agree with John McCain on everything - but I am utterly convinced that he is qualified to be our next President, and I trust him to do what's right. I know in my heart that he has the best interests of our country in mind. He doesn't simply want to be President - he wants to lead America, and there's a huge difference. Factually, there is simply no comparison between the two candidates. A man of questionable background and motives who prattles on about change, can't hold a candle to a man who has devoted his life in public service to this nation, retiring from the Navy in1981 and elected to the Senate in1982.

Perhaps Obama's supporters are taking a stance between old and new. Maybe they don't care about McCain's service or his strength of character, or his unblemished qualifications to be President. Maybe "likeability" is a higher priority for them than "trust". Being a prisoner of war is not what qualifies John McCain to be President of the United States of America - but his demonstrated leadership certainly DOES.

Dear friends, it is time for us to stand. It is time for thinking Americans to say, "Enough." It is time for people of all parties to stop following the party line. It is time for anyone who wants to keep America first, who wants the right man leading their nation, to start a dialogue with all their friends and neighbors and ask who they're voting for, and why.

There's a lot of evil in this world. That should be readily apparent to all of us by now. And when faced with that evil as we are now, I want a man who knows the cost of war on his troops and on his citizens. I want a man who puts my family's interests before any foreign country.

I want a President who's qualified to lead.

I want my country back.
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The moral of my story? Vote how you want. Think how you want. I don’t care. It’s [still] a free country. But don’t flood my in-box with your nonsense. I don’t do it to you. And while I won’t ask you to stop being who you are, let me be me.

Better in Time

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'ma be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'ma be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

[Chorus: x2]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time