It's time to close the book

Life has been CRAZY lately. I've been so busy...running running running. I feel like I'm a brand new person. I feel so enlightened. Things that I never wanted to see, never wanted to accept, never wanted to admit...now it's like I'm waking up and the blinders have come off. I'm able to see things for what they were.

Take for example, a relationship that ended. No, no, no, I'm not going to sit here and badmouth this man. That's mean. Obviously he had some very good qualities otherwise I wouldn't have fallen so deeply in love with him so long ago. No, what I'm going to talk about is the way that I treated him for a short time. This morning I was walking down the steps at the train station and I saw this woman with a brace on her knee, slowly trying to maneuver down the steps. FLASH BACK. Early last year I was in the same position. Only the then boyfriend was kind enough to drive me downtown in shitty weather when he had no reason to be there to begin with. Anyway, part of my flashback was remembering the song that was on the radio and the thoughts that went through my mind at the time. I stopped in mid-step on the platform as that memory played in my mind. It was not one of my finer moments. Anyway, I sent him a text acknowledging and apologizing. I know, it won't make up for the way I made him feel, but it's a lesson that I finally learned that, if faced with a similar circumstance in the future, I'll behave differently.

I've been really happy lately. I could attribute it to the new people in my life, but I really think it's a combination of so many things. I'm back to being silly again....which reminds me of the days when my nickname was Rock-in-Roll Jenn. I'm laughing a lot. I'm spending time with my friends. I'm doing things with my kids. I've adopted two new kitty cats. I'm flirting. I'm having fun.

For so long I was so very sad, and now it's like....I don't know. I'm genuinely happy. But you know what the best part is, the part that shows me that I'm growing as a person? I can look back on this relationship that ended, and no matter all the bad things that happened, all the ways I was destroyed, I can look back and appreciate the things that this man gave me...the knowledge, the courage to love, the ability to take chances, the desire to follow my dreams. I don't hate him. I can't. He'll always be a part of me.

But thankfully, that chapter of my life is over. It's time to move on, and with it, take the lessons that I've learned and incorporate them into my present...and future.

It's time to close the book.