"I think that I am better than the people who are trying to reform me."
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Valentine’s Day
Oh yes, it’s that time of year again. The commercials are all for diamonds. The colors are pink and red. It’s the time of year when, if you’re like me, you REALLY start to feel like a loser. Even my 7-year-old son has a valentine this year. Oh yes. Isn’t life peachy. I’ve been with the same guy for the past year-and-a-half and, true to form, we broke up a couple days ago. Funny how I thought this would be the one holiday in the past 7 (including both our birthdays) that I might actually enjoy. Oops…wrong again.
Yes, I know it’s a Hallmark holiday. And I know that the gifts that are given on this day don’t mean as much as they would if they were given on an ordinary day. But it’s one of the few days a year when the man actually remembers to be sweet and romantic. Hey, I used to be the lucky one. My guy used to be sweet and romantic ALL THE TIME. Then he stopped. Now I’m lucky if he even smiles at me anymore.
One would think that at this age I wouldn’t be worrying about things like not having a valentine. One would think that I wouldn’t be worrying about being alone 6 out of the 7 days in the week. One would think that I wouldn’t be worrying about why won’t he add me to his Myspace. One would think that the petty bullshit shouldn’t even be happening. But it does. And so, once again, I had big romantic plans that now I get to do by myself.
As I sit here watching all the women in my office get roses delivered, I realize how much time I’m wasting. Now, I don’t even like roses. Wild flowers are more my thing….and I HATE daisies. But anytime a woman gets flowers delivered to her at work, well that’s a grand gesture that goes a long way.
Instead of feeling like a loser, instead of trying to fix a relationship that is undoubtedly nothing but a waste of time and full of stress and depleted of love, I’m going to get out and do something. I’m going to go to a museum. I’m going to take a trip to Florida. I’m going to stop feeling sorry for myself, stop wishing he would love me the way he used to, stop trying to reason with him. I’m going to get out and live my life, the way I used to before he came along. And hey, maybe Chris is right. Maybe I will meet my soulmate.
Yes, I know it’s a Hallmark holiday. And I know that the gifts that are given on this day don’t mean as much as they would if they were given on an ordinary day. But it’s one of the few days a year when the man actually remembers to be sweet and romantic. Hey, I used to be the lucky one. My guy used to be sweet and romantic ALL THE TIME. Then he stopped. Now I’m lucky if he even smiles at me anymore.
One would think that at this age I wouldn’t be worrying about things like not having a valentine. One would think that I wouldn’t be worrying about being alone 6 out of the 7 days in the week. One would think that I wouldn’t be worrying about why won’t he add me to his Myspace. One would think that the petty bullshit shouldn’t even be happening. But it does. And so, once again, I had big romantic plans that now I get to do by myself.
As I sit here watching all the women in my office get roses delivered, I realize how much time I’m wasting. Now, I don’t even like roses. Wild flowers are more my thing….and I HATE daisies. But anytime a woman gets flowers delivered to her at work, well that’s a grand gesture that goes a long way.
Instead of feeling like a loser, instead of trying to fix a relationship that is undoubtedly nothing but a waste of time and full of stress and depleted of love, I’m going to get out and do something. I’m going to go to a museum. I’m going to take a trip to Florida. I’m going to stop feeling sorry for myself, stop wishing he would love me the way he used to, stop trying to reason with him. I’m going to get out and live my life, the way I used to before he came along. And hey, maybe Chris is right. Maybe I will meet my soulmate.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Let the Universe Take Control
Today’s my first “real” day back at work in over a week. I was really sick, lost a bunch of weight, missed a bunch of work….but I’m happy to be back. As typical of a Monday morning, I overslept. Well, I didn’t really oversleep, I just woke up really sad and didn’t feel like moving when the alarm went off. So I laid there and cried for about 20 minutes then got up and got in the shower. I got myself dressed, got the kids up and we were out the door. And then, happy Monday, my car wouldn’t start. I just spent $175 last week on my car, luckily while I was sick and didn’t need to go too many places. I ended up having to call my ex-husband, who is the only one of my friends that lives close to me (plus he’s a mechanic) to come and jump my car. Except it wasn’t the battery. He was able to get it started so I was able to get on my way. Huh….Monday isn’t starting off so great. I made it to the train, after missing the first 2, and managed to settle in for the ride. I forced myself to put on my happy face and clear my mind, although the song that was on my mp3 as soon as I turned it on was one that made faking a smile pretty difficult…Far Away…..yea.
So I get to work, hoping that I was correct and I did have a pair of brown heels in one of my filing drawers…which I did. Except…great…the damn drawer got stuck open. And that means that I couldn’t open any of the drawers above it or get my chair close enough to my desk to do some work. Yes, happy Monday. Finally I got tired of messing around with it so I gave it a great big kick….oww on my foot but at least I got the stupid thing closed.
And my day goes on. Why is there an empty water glass on my desk with a napkin shoved in it? Why is my desk calendar all wilted like it got wet and dried funky? Oh, wonderful, someone spilled a glass of water on my desk while I was out. Oh, maybe that explains why my computer isn’t wanting to cooperate today, too.
Well my Monday is almost over….only an hour and a half and I get to head home. Then I can take off my happy face, put on my pajamas and cry over my broken heart. Today my horoscope said that when I don’t know what to do, sometimes it’s best to do nothing and let the Universe take control. So here, Universe…I’ve been sending you energy to take control of this…positive energy since someone told me that I’ve been sending out negative energy…oops, what did you expect…I was sick.
You know, the thing about energy, the thing about the Law of Attraction….we have emotions. Yes, we can take control of our thoughts and think positive thoughts and send out positive energy, but sometimes the pain that we feel is very real. Our hearts can hurt. Our feelings can hurt. Our souls can hurt. And I think it’s important to feel the pain. I feel my feelings, good and bad. But the thing is, even when I’m in the middle of crying because my heart hurts and I miss the one that I love so much, I still know that things will get better. I always know that I have to cry at that moment, but I won’t be crying forever.
So here, Universe, take control. I’m going to cry and I’m going to feel my sadness. And I’m going to eat these yummy Girl Scout cookies because chocolate always makes me feel better. And when I go to bed tonight I’ll send out positive energy. And maybe when I wake up I won’t cry again. And maybe when I wake up my heart won’t be so shattered. And maybe when I wake up he’ll have realized that he’s tired of being so far away from me. And maybe not. But regardless, I’m going to sit back and do nothing at all. I’ll let the Universe take care of things.
So I get to work, hoping that I was correct and I did have a pair of brown heels in one of my filing drawers…which I did. Except…great…the damn drawer got stuck open. And that means that I couldn’t open any of the drawers above it or get my chair close enough to my desk to do some work. Yes, happy Monday. Finally I got tired of messing around with it so I gave it a great big kick….oww on my foot but at least I got the stupid thing closed.
And my day goes on. Why is there an empty water glass on my desk with a napkin shoved in it? Why is my desk calendar all wilted like it got wet and dried funky? Oh, wonderful, someone spilled a glass of water on my desk while I was out. Oh, maybe that explains why my computer isn’t wanting to cooperate today, too.
Well my Monday is almost over….only an hour and a half and I get to head home. Then I can take off my happy face, put on my pajamas and cry over my broken heart. Today my horoscope said that when I don’t know what to do, sometimes it’s best to do nothing and let the Universe take control. So here, Universe…I’ve been sending you energy to take control of this…positive energy since someone told me that I’ve been sending out negative energy…oops, what did you expect…I was sick.
You know, the thing about energy, the thing about the Law of Attraction….we have emotions. Yes, we can take control of our thoughts and think positive thoughts and send out positive energy, but sometimes the pain that we feel is very real. Our hearts can hurt. Our feelings can hurt. Our souls can hurt. And I think it’s important to feel the pain. I feel my feelings, good and bad. But the thing is, even when I’m in the middle of crying because my heart hurts and I miss the one that I love so much, I still know that things will get better. I always know that I have to cry at that moment, but I won’t be crying forever.
So here, Universe, take control. I’m going to cry and I’m going to feel my sadness. And I’m going to eat these yummy Girl Scout cookies because chocolate always makes me feel better. And when I go to bed tonight I’ll send out positive energy. And maybe when I wake up I won’t cry again. And maybe when I wake up my heart won’t be so shattered. And maybe when I wake up he’ll have realized that he’s tired of being so far away from me. And maybe not. But regardless, I’m going to sit back and do nothing at all. I’ll let the Universe take care of things.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
U Godda Wanna
This Saturday night, February 9. The band starts at 10 and plays until 1:30. 115 Bourbon Street in Merrionette Park (115th & Kedzie). Hopefully I'll be well enough to go. My girlfriend Tracy's dad is in the band and I've been looking forward to hearing them play.
http://www.ugoddawanna.com
http://www.ugoddawanna.com
Monday, February 4, 2008
Life is too short
How many times have we said to ourselves that there's always tomorrow? How many times have we put off dealing with something today because we weren't in the mood or we were sick or we figured it would wait? I've been guilty of it plenty of times. What I've realized is that life is too short. There aren't any guarantees. There is no promise of tomorrow.
My mom would always tell me that I'm impulsive and I need to wait before I act. My ex thinks I just don't like to be told no. Well, they could be right. From their perspective. But from my perspective I think that like is too short. I think when situations arise, ignoring them or putting them off doesn't make them go away. What if the last thing that you said to someone was something cruel? What if you didn't apologize because you thought you could do it later? And what if there wasn't a later?
Life is too short. We need to stop lying to the ones we love. We need to stop keeping secrets from the ones we love. We need to spend time with those that we care about and let them know how much we cherish them.
Live today like there is no tomorrow.
My mom would always tell me that I'm impulsive and I need to wait before I act. My ex thinks I just don't like to be told no. Well, they could be right. From their perspective. But from my perspective I think that like is too short. I think when situations arise, ignoring them or putting them off doesn't make them go away. What if the last thing that you said to someone was something cruel? What if you didn't apologize because you thought you could do it later? And what if there wasn't a later?
Life is too short. We need to stop lying to the ones we love. We need to stop keeping secrets from the ones we love. We need to spend time with those that we care about and let them know how much we cherish them.
Live today like there is no tomorrow.
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