I found this list here.
1. Stupid Secrets: Withholding important information for fear of rejection. It’s the struggle against selfishness. Privacy is something you 'give' out of respect. Secrecy is when you feel guilty about something you can't tell you partner or spouce.
2. Stupid Egotism: My freedom/ rights to do what I want are more important than you feeling/ needs –and ask not what you can do for this relationship ask only what this relationship can do for you!
3. Stupid Pettiness: Make a big deal of the small stuff.
4. Stupid Power: Never lose an argument, or sacrifice anything; always be in control, never let the other forget he or she messed up.
5. Stupid Priorities: consuming all your time and energies with work, hobbies, errands, chores, missions and an unkept bed has a higher priority than the relationship.
6. Stupid Happiness: seeking stimulation and assurance from all the wrong places to satisfy the immature need to feel good vs.. to be good.
7. Stupid Excuses: instead of acknowledging misdeeds and being accountable, you fight back with excuses, which just cause more damage –learn to apologize.
8. Stupid Liaisons: staying attached to relatives and friends who are outright bad influence and destructive to your relationship –allowing these folks to hurt your partner.
9. Stupid Mismatch: Seeing red flags clearly and yet you stay around trying to put a square peg in a round hole –not knowing when to leave and cut your losses. Bad boys and jerks fall into this catagory.
10.Stupid Breakups: Disconnecting for all the wrong reasons. We live in a divorce culture.
How guilty are all of us of doing these things.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Sunday, June 8, 2008
the best advice I've ever heard
You can never meet the right person if you never let go of the wrong person, but at the same time the moment you feel like letting go you remember why you held on for so long... sometimes you have to forget what you want and remember what you deserve.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
A different kind of love
I spent a lot of time this weekend, thinking about things, putting things into perspective and re-evaluating the relationships that I have with the people in my life.
They rushed my grandmother to the hospital this weekend. When I got the phone call, I asked if I should be there. When I was told yes, and to get there as soon as possible, I knew it was bad. As I was sitting in the hospital room with her, seeing my grandma cry for the first time in my life, I looked over at my grandfather. I could see the emotions all over her face…fear, love, concern. My grandma looked at my grandpa and told him she was sorry for everything she put him through and how much she loves him.
It hit me right then and there. I want to love and be loved like that. That’s the relationship that I want. This bullshit of breaking up every other week, fighting every other day, jealousy, inconsiderateness, ignoring each other, refusing to say I love you, hanging up on each other, lack of respect, games, etc….THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT.
When I got divorced 3 ½ years ago, I swore I would never get serious again. I would never fall in love again. I would never get married again. Then I met someone, a man who I fell in love with like I have never loved another. The first time I looked in his eyes I knew, right then and there, that we were made for each other. I had found my soul mate, my other half. No, no, this wasn’t one-sided. This man, who was just as cynical and commitmentaphobic as I was, fell as hard for me as I had for him. Oh my gosh what a beautiful love we had.
And then it began to change. Yes, we still loved each other. But we forgot. We forgot to be kind and considerate to each other. We let other people come between us. We stopped listening to each other. We stopped doing things together. We began to fight constantly. We would break up, swear we would never see each other again, and then we would be right back together. See, in our hearts we knew that this was the love of our lives, which is why we always found our way back to each other.
The fighting and the stupid petty shit and the selfishness finally became so great that I spent the weekend thinking that I couldn’t go on the way things were anymore. He must have been doing the same thing, although his response to his thoughts was FAR DIFFERENT THAN MINE WAS.
I want a love like my grandparents have. They have been together through thick and thin. When hard times fell upon them, they leaned on each other. When people tried to come between them, family members started acting stupid, it was the two of them standing strong….together. There’s going to come a day when one of my grandparents passes and the other one is left with memories. But what amazing memories they’ll have.
I’m not so unrealistic that I don’t know that relationships take work. We fall into the pattern of day to day life and forget to let the one we love know how much we love them. We stop doing the little things. We take them for granted. We take our bad days out on them. When big traumas happen, we lash out at them instead of lean on them.
This man…the one I’ve loved for so long....thanks for the memories. I’m ready to make more…a lifetime of beautiful memories.
They rushed my grandmother to the hospital this weekend. When I got the phone call, I asked if I should be there. When I was told yes, and to get there as soon as possible, I knew it was bad. As I was sitting in the hospital room with her, seeing my grandma cry for the first time in my life, I looked over at my grandfather. I could see the emotions all over her face…fear, love, concern. My grandma looked at my grandpa and told him she was sorry for everything she put him through and how much she loves him.
It hit me right then and there. I want to love and be loved like that. That’s the relationship that I want. This bullshit of breaking up every other week, fighting every other day, jealousy, inconsiderateness, ignoring each other, refusing to say I love you, hanging up on each other, lack of respect, games, etc….THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT.
When I got divorced 3 ½ years ago, I swore I would never get serious again. I would never fall in love again. I would never get married again. Then I met someone, a man who I fell in love with like I have never loved another. The first time I looked in his eyes I knew, right then and there, that we were made for each other. I had found my soul mate, my other half. No, no, this wasn’t one-sided. This man, who was just as cynical and commitmentaphobic as I was, fell as hard for me as I had for him. Oh my gosh what a beautiful love we had.
And then it began to change. Yes, we still loved each other. But we forgot. We forgot to be kind and considerate to each other. We let other people come between us. We stopped listening to each other. We stopped doing things together. We began to fight constantly. We would break up, swear we would never see each other again, and then we would be right back together. See, in our hearts we knew that this was the love of our lives, which is why we always found our way back to each other.
The fighting and the stupid petty shit and the selfishness finally became so great that I spent the weekend thinking that I couldn’t go on the way things were anymore. He must have been doing the same thing, although his response to his thoughts was FAR DIFFERENT THAN MINE WAS.
I want a love like my grandparents have. They have been together through thick and thin. When hard times fell upon them, they leaned on each other. When people tried to come between them, family members started acting stupid, it was the two of them standing strong….together. There’s going to come a day when one of my grandparents passes and the other one is left with memories. But what amazing memories they’ll have.
I’m not so unrealistic that I don’t know that relationships take work. We fall into the pattern of day to day life and forget to let the one we love know how much we love them. We stop doing the little things. We take them for granted. We take our bad days out on them. When big traumas happen, we lash out at them instead of lean on them.
This man…the one I’ve loved for so long....thanks for the memories. I’m ready to make more…a lifetime of beautiful memories.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
Becoming a Wealthy Woman
Lately I’ve been on the journey of what can I do to improve my life and so far things are going pretty good. I’ve had some hurdles to overcome and I was sidetracked for a bit, but for the most part I’m happy with the work that I’ve done and am still just as excited about achieving my goals as I was when I started. Initially, it was a “get myself out of debt” plan, but along the way I added more goals, so now my path is not only one to gain financial freedom, but also to become a better person.
I’ve been reading Suze Orman’s book entitled “Women and Money” and in it she describes how being a wealthy woman is so much more than having money. She lists 8 qualities that a woman must have to be a “wealthy woman” and I’ve made my plan for the month of April to focus on obtaining two of those qualities, the two that I so desperately need in my life right now – balance and harmony.
In order to achieve this balance and harmony in my life, I’ve begun to clean out the clutter, both literally and figuratively. They are equally difficult, equally emotionally draining and equally rewarding in the end. A few weeks ago I cleaned out my linen closet and the medicine cabinets in the bathroom. I got rid of expired medicine, medicine for infants that I obviously don’t need anymore (as my babies aren’t babies), unused hair products, etc. Now my bathroom and linen closet is clutter free and I’m able to see if I need to add something to the grocery list instead of just guessing. An added benefit is that I’m going to save myself money and not be frustrated from the clutter.
Next I went into the kitchen and cleaned out the glasses cabinet. I realized I had way too many glasses and all that caused was more dirty dishes and more clutter. Because my cabinet was full of glasses, I had things like spices cluttering the counter. I donated about 2/3rd’s of the glasses to Goodwill (you know my bleeding heart) and was able to move the spices and other things into the now half-empty cabinet. The result? Less dishes, more organization and a less cluttered countertop. It’s a win-win.
I spent last weekend cleaning out my basement. It was a pain in the ass to say the least. The basement has been the “catch-all” for the past five years. My youngest plays down there, the laundry is down there, the computer is down there, and all my paperwork plus items with sentimental value are down there. It took hours but I got the majority of it done. Now that’s not to say that everything is organized and in it’s place, and that’s not to say that I don’t have a lot of work that I still need to do, but I am saying that I have made a huge dent in a job that once seemed impossible.
I’ve also been ending relationships that no longer are productive. I know that sounds really harsh, but sometimes the hardest thing is the right thing to do. I’m talking about ending the relationships that do more harm than good. The ones that leave me feeling not only taken advantage of, but that drain me emotionally as well. Cutting those types of relationships out of my life have made me feel a huge sense of relief. No more drama. No more bullshit. No more walking on eggshells. No more giving of myself for all the wrong reasons. No more of all of my time and energy being spent in an unhealthy manner. Now I can pay more attention to my other relationships. I can pay more attention to my goals. And with my life being clutter free of the negative people, I’ve left room for the right people to come into my life. Another win-win situation.
So let’s recap. My “inner” goal for April is to find and maintain balance and harmony. In order to start working on that goal, I needed to de-clutter my life. In order to de-clutter my life, I had to let go of things, whether it’s old hair products, too many glasses or unhealthy relationships. And while at first my shelves or my cabinets or my life may seem like I have an empty void in it, what I’m really doing is the prep work that needs to be done in order to become a wealthy and completely fulfilled woman. In eliminating the clutter, I’ll be able to find my balance and my harmony because I won’t have a mess or drama or negativity to counteract the positive efforts and thoughts. My hope is that by the end of April I’ll have found ways to keep balance and harmony in my life so that when May comes I’ll be able to use those tools to work on my May goals.
I’ve been reading Suze Orman’s book entitled “Women and Money” and in it she describes how being a wealthy woman is so much more than having money. She lists 8 qualities that a woman must have to be a “wealthy woman” and I’ve made my plan for the month of April to focus on obtaining two of those qualities, the two that I so desperately need in my life right now – balance and harmony.
In order to achieve this balance and harmony in my life, I’ve begun to clean out the clutter, both literally and figuratively. They are equally difficult, equally emotionally draining and equally rewarding in the end. A few weeks ago I cleaned out my linen closet and the medicine cabinets in the bathroom. I got rid of expired medicine, medicine for infants that I obviously don’t need anymore (as my babies aren’t babies), unused hair products, etc. Now my bathroom and linen closet is clutter free and I’m able to see if I need to add something to the grocery list instead of just guessing. An added benefit is that I’m going to save myself money and not be frustrated from the clutter.
Next I went into the kitchen and cleaned out the glasses cabinet. I realized I had way too many glasses and all that caused was more dirty dishes and more clutter. Because my cabinet was full of glasses, I had things like spices cluttering the counter. I donated about 2/3rd’s of the glasses to Goodwill (you know my bleeding heart) and was able to move the spices and other things into the now half-empty cabinet. The result? Less dishes, more organization and a less cluttered countertop. It’s a win-win.
I spent last weekend cleaning out my basement. It was a pain in the ass to say the least. The basement has been the “catch-all” for the past five years. My youngest plays down there, the laundry is down there, the computer is down there, and all my paperwork plus items with sentimental value are down there. It took hours but I got the majority of it done. Now that’s not to say that everything is organized and in it’s place, and that’s not to say that I don’t have a lot of work that I still need to do, but I am saying that I have made a huge dent in a job that once seemed impossible.
I’ve also been ending relationships that no longer are productive. I know that sounds really harsh, but sometimes the hardest thing is the right thing to do. I’m talking about ending the relationships that do more harm than good. The ones that leave me feeling not only taken advantage of, but that drain me emotionally as well. Cutting those types of relationships out of my life have made me feel a huge sense of relief. No more drama. No more bullshit. No more walking on eggshells. No more giving of myself for all the wrong reasons. No more of all of my time and energy being spent in an unhealthy manner. Now I can pay more attention to my other relationships. I can pay more attention to my goals. And with my life being clutter free of the negative people, I’ve left room for the right people to come into my life. Another win-win situation.
So let’s recap. My “inner” goal for April is to find and maintain balance and harmony. In order to start working on that goal, I needed to de-clutter my life. In order to de-clutter my life, I had to let go of things, whether it’s old hair products, too many glasses or unhealthy relationships. And while at first my shelves or my cabinets or my life may seem like I have an empty void in it, what I’m really doing is the prep work that needs to be done in order to become a wealthy and completely fulfilled woman. In eliminating the clutter, I’ll be able to find my balance and my harmony because I won’t have a mess or drama or negativity to counteract the positive efforts and thoughts. My hope is that by the end of April I’ll have found ways to keep balance and harmony in my life so that when May comes I’ll be able to use those tools to work on my May goals.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Quote of the Day
"If I am not worth the wooing, I am surely not worth the winning."
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
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