I spent a lot of time this weekend, thinking about things, putting things into perspective and re-evaluating the relationships that I have with the people in my life.
They rushed my grandmother to the hospital this weekend. When I got the phone call, I asked if I should be there. When I was told yes, and to get there as soon as possible, I knew it was bad. As I was sitting in the hospital room with her, seeing my grandma cry for the first time in my life, I looked over at my grandfather. I could see the emotions all over her face…fear, love, concern. My grandma looked at my grandpa and told him she was sorry for everything she put him through and how much she loves him.
It hit me right then and there. I want to love and be loved like that. That’s the relationship that I want. This bullshit of breaking up every other week, fighting every other day, jealousy, inconsiderateness, ignoring each other, refusing to say I love you, hanging up on each other, lack of respect, games, etc….THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT.
When I got divorced 3 ½ years ago, I swore I would never get serious again. I would never fall in love again. I would never get married again. Then I met someone, a man who I fell in love with like I have never loved another. The first time I looked in his eyes I knew, right then and there, that we were made for each other. I had found my soul mate, my other half. No, no, this wasn’t one-sided. This man, who was just as cynical and commitmentaphobic as I was, fell as hard for me as I had for him. Oh my gosh what a beautiful love we had.
And then it began to change. Yes, we still loved each other. But we forgot. We forgot to be kind and considerate to each other. We let other people come between us. We stopped listening to each other. We stopped doing things together. We began to fight constantly. We would break up, swear we would never see each other again, and then we would be right back together. See, in our hearts we knew that this was the love of our lives, which is why we always found our way back to each other.
The fighting and the stupid petty shit and the selfishness finally became so great that I spent the weekend thinking that I couldn’t go on the way things were anymore. He must have been doing the same thing, although his response to his thoughts was FAR DIFFERENT THAN MINE WAS.
I want a love like my grandparents have. They have been together through thick and thin. When hard times fell upon them, they leaned on each other. When people tried to come between them, family members started acting stupid, it was the two of them standing strong….together. There’s going to come a day when one of my grandparents passes and the other one is left with memories. But what amazing memories they’ll have.
I’m not so unrealistic that I don’t know that relationships take work. We fall into the pattern of day to day life and forget to let the one we love know how much we love them. We stop doing the little things. We take them for granted. We take our bad days out on them. When big traumas happen, we lash out at them instead of lean on them.
This man…the one I’ve loved for so long....thanks for the memories. I’m ready to make more…a lifetime of beautiful memories.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
